Thursday, April 10, 2008
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
clarion wall for dignity
On the mural walls of Clarion alley in the Mission, a call for better treatment of people who are homeless. After 5 years of living in the Bay Area, I believe Ive become somewhat radicalized.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Najat
For the past 4 years, my barrista at Muddy Waters, the coffee shop by my place. I told her I was leaving - and she simply said, "I will miss you."
My friend Jennifer the Photographer sent me a message today:
This is absolutely the right thing I need to hear as I get ready to cut loose tomorrow.
I am a bit stressed out right now, comes out unexpectedly - but today, I did a serious gut check to see if Im not on the wrong path.. .and my spirits lifted and I started smiling again.
I trust my gut.
Greetings from Mangalore, India.
Congrats on the move! Although it all may seem a bit scary, change is the only constant and it is always happens that during our hardest times, we perservere most triumphant! Heck, youre an IT guy, jobs should be abundant, no.
Best of luck to you with your packing and journey.
This is absolutely the right thing I need to hear as I get ready to cut loose tomorrow.
I am a bit stressed out right now, comes out unexpectedly - but today, I did a serious gut check to see if Im not on the wrong path.. .and my spirits lifted and I started smiling again.
I trust my gut.
Today's horroscope sez:
Just gotta get organized and try not to get distracted.
------------
I have to stay in town for the Olympic torch relay to hit San Francisco. I may get thoroughly useless images or they may be iconic. As long as its not bloody overcast, I should be able to get pics of protesters being planted face first into the pavement.
Every news photographer should be here. :)
Lets see how it goes.
Don't let minor worries get out of hand and develop into major anxieties. Yes, you've had one or two setbacks of late but in the greater scheme of things you are still on the right track, so curb your tendency to believe that the world is about to come crashing down around your ears. It's not!
Just gotta get organized and try not to get distracted.
------------
I have to stay in town for the Olympic torch relay to hit San Francisco. I may get thoroughly useless images or they may be iconic. As long as its not bloody overcast, I should be able to get pics of protesters being planted face first into the pavement.
Every news photographer should be here. :)
Lets see how it goes.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Classic for sale
Always loved these old Mercedes sedans from the late 60's early 70's. Apparently, they are the current rage du jour among celebrities in LA.
Although the 280SE 6.9 liter Panzerwagens is on my list of Dream Cars, this 4.5 liter is choice also.
@ Muddy Waters
the pooch was backing away slowly from the camera what with it clicking and lighting up in her face. :)
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Today's horrorscope sez:
Im feeling happy, but its a teeny bit scary.
----------
I realized today, that the circumstances of me leaving SF is almost the same as what was happening when I left New York.
Poverty and leaving my place.
Thats a bad pattern. I dont want to live like that. This will not happen again.
I dont want to feel like I HAVE to leave someplace, I should be able to leave whenever I desire. However, inertia is a bad habit to break. I never really thought of SF as 'home' and I wanted to travel and eventually leave NY anyway, but still.
No, no no. That is bad.
And money alone isnt the solution.
--------
Trying to finish an overdue library book. Waaay overdue. Like 2 or 3 years?
Anyway, it is "Career Management for the Creative Person", and its speaking to me, giving insight into my working patterns over the past 25 years. I didnt realize I was so fundamentally right-brained. Damn.
Heh, prolly why its overdue too. Id like to finish and return it before I leave town.
Still, it makes good points about being TOO right brained and creative, which is impeding my professional progress. The message being imparted is: Its ok to be creative and have that be your primary focus, but I dont have to be poor to do it.
Thats right on time. I do need to hear and work on that.
You may be a thrill seeker right now, but you're also testing a strategy. A difficult situation will begin to stabilize over the next few days. There is no need to take any drastic measures. Let the events unfold without trying to influence the outcome.
Im feeling happy, but its a teeny bit scary.
----------
I realized today, that the circumstances of me leaving SF is almost the same as what was happening when I left New York.
Poverty and leaving my place.
Thats a bad pattern. I dont want to live like that. This will not happen again.
I dont want to feel like I HAVE to leave someplace, I should be able to leave whenever I desire. However, inertia is a bad habit to break. I never really thought of SF as 'home' and I wanted to travel and eventually leave NY anyway, but still.
No, no no. That is bad.
And money alone isnt the solution.
--------
Trying to finish an overdue library book. Waaay overdue. Like 2 or 3 years?
Anyway, it is "Career Management for the Creative Person", and its speaking to me, giving insight into my working patterns over the past 25 years. I didnt realize I was so fundamentally right-brained. Damn.
Heh, prolly why its overdue too. Id like to finish and return it before I leave town.
Still, it makes good points about being TOO right brained and creative, which is impeding my professional progress. The message being imparted is: Its ok to be creative and have that be your primary focus, but I dont have to be poor to do it.
Thats right on time. I do need to hear and work on that.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Books I dont wanna give up
but books are HEAVY. Hopefully, someone deserving will be able to use 'em.
Who wants to be a Billionaire?
I may SAY money isnt a big deal to me, but I would definitely rather have it than not.
I wouldnt mind being a Billionaire. I'll even make do as a multi-millionaire. Although there are people around who are sad that they only have a few million in the bank.
As Chef Gareth Blackstock would say: "Pooor baybees."
You too can sling code and program!
Its getting to the point where you cant just be a system admin, you have to be able to script in Python, PHP, Ruby and C. I never became a programmer, because A) Im not detail oriented. B) It gives me a headache. C) Gave me a headache when I tried to learn it high school.
Plus, theyre asking $20.99 for that magazine!!! It's a good magazine, but I can get several programming tomes for that money....
At least it gives regular folk hope that they too can program. :)
He won the game with 1.03 seconds on the clock
15 years ago I was a very good chess player, confident enough to play for money. Now, I can move pieces, thats it. )
Back then I played every day against very good street players and honed my games playing midnight matches against the clock.
This game is being played for money, with the challenger having 5:00 minutes to win and the other player giving him the handicap of having only 1.30 seconds to win. Two dollars a game.
Like all fools, I wouldve taken that challenge. 15 years ago. :)
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Le GTI
*sigh* I want another one so bad. Just the sight of those three letters in the typewriter font makes my heart go pittypat.
Sure as shooting tho, I get another one, I wont have another license for years...
Monday, March 31, 2008
Randoms
- 3 bags is all I care to carry. One duffle bag for clothes, one with the tech gear holding my images and the other for the laptop and camera.
No room for anything else.
I remember when a traveller from Egypt gave me his backpack, boots and a coat. Expensive, top of the line gear. I now understand why he gave his stuff up. He was going to Thailand, leaving the Bay Area. What the hell would he need all that crap for?
I have expensive coats. Heavy. Why would I need that for Southern California. Just because it cost a lot, it weighs me down and takes up space. Damn, but its nice - I dont want to give it up, but I frankly dont need it for where Im going. When I went to Hawaii, the clothes and shoes Id worn from SF felt like armour, I quickly went to the goodwill and bought shorts, light shirts and flip flops, then tossed it before I went back. I couldve travelled to Hawaii with a near empty bag.
Its only because this coat is nearly brand new and expensive. But I wont need it. And I dont want to store anything i wont ultimately need.
3 bags. Ounces count.
-----------
I didnt realize just how done I am with San Francisco until I tried to think of something to go photograph. Cant think of a damned thing, and the prospect of freezing when the sun goes down shooting no longer appeals to me.
My jacket has the funk of being worn daily for the past six months, even with washing. I have worn this jacket almost every day when it hasnt been raining since AUGUST. And even before then. The sun goes down, the jacket goes on. My god. Thats a depressing thought. Even in New York or Chicago - I have never worn outerware for as long as I do here.
Ugh. I am done.
--------
Now that my phone has finally been reactivated, I can go look for temp work to get a little cash before I start travelling. The lack of a phone never used to bother me, but it is a huge hindrance when youre trying to go somewhere.
Hopefully, its not too late.
No room for anything else.
I remember when a traveller from Egypt gave me his backpack, boots and a coat. Expensive, top of the line gear. I now understand why he gave his stuff up. He was going to Thailand, leaving the Bay Area. What the hell would he need all that crap for?
I have expensive coats. Heavy. Why would I need that for Southern California. Just because it cost a lot, it weighs me down and takes up space. Damn, but its nice - I dont want to give it up, but I frankly dont need it for where Im going. When I went to Hawaii, the clothes and shoes Id worn from SF felt like armour, I quickly went to the goodwill and bought shorts, light shirts and flip flops, then tossed it before I went back. I couldve travelled to Hawaii with a near empty bag.
Its only because this coat is nearly brand new and expensive. But I wont need it. And I dont want to store anything i wont ultimately need.
3 bags. Ounces count.
-----------
I didnt realize just how done I am with San Francisco until I tried to think of something to go photograph. Cant think of a damned thing, and the prospect of freezing when the sun goes down shooting no longer appeals to me.
My jacket has the funk of being worn daily for the past six months, even with washing. I have worn this jacket almost every day when it hasnt been raining since AUGUST. And even before then. The sun goes down, the jacket goes on. My god. Thats a depressing thought. Even in New York or Chicago - I have never worn outerware for as long as I do here.
Ugh. I am done.
--------
Now that my phone has finally been reactivated, I can go look for temp work to get a little cash before I start travelling. The lack of a phone never used to bother me, but it is a huge hindrance when youre trying to go somewhere.
Hopefully, its not too late.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Chicago 2002
One of the things I still miss not living in Chicago, a polish on a Rosen poppy-seed bun.
Evanston, IL 2002
The local pizza joint, during the starving student college days..
A few times a week, to take a break from smuckers on wheat or saltines, I had a greasy slice with a soda. Hey, it filled us up on $1.75. I couldnt believe its still there - but hey you need a cheap pizza joint in a college town.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Somewhere in Montana 2002
He was on his way home to Wyoming from participating in a rodeo as a bull rider and clown. He was wearing the same boots he had on to ride the bulls because if he took them off, his swollen feet probably wouldnt have been able to fit back in.
Interesting guy. His father came west from Connecticut and bought a 1200 acre ranch. A small ranch he describes it - one that takes a week on horseback to check the fences
He gave me a copy of his favorite Chris Leduix album. I still have it..
On rotation
Mos Def - Ms Fat Booty
India Arie - Not your Average Girl
Corinne Bailey Rae - Young & Foolish
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Another long strange trip
With each retelling the trip becomes more and more legendary, even as all I remember are the mundane parts of it.G etting on the bus in the Florida sunshine, my brand new Fuji 4900z along to remember the journey, a copy of Neil Gaiman's "American Gods" and a bottle of Pepsi to set me off. A hat in Washington. A 4 story high stork in North Dakota. Sunflowers in Montana. A town named Weed. An angel painted on a wall. A coffee kiosk set by a giant red barn. An argument over the computer in Seattle. A grove of giant trees. I remember everything and nothing.It was propelled by a strong restlessness. In absolute terms, Ive not gone very far, just across the country. It took me all of seven days and has lasted nearly 7 years. The ride felt longer and the time feels shorter.
I do remember being consumed as to making sure I took my stuff with me, my friend lily shipping the rest of my crap across country (I still owe her for shipping it) and afterward, with a sense of wonder realising I needed none of my stuff.
Funny. Now Im going only a few hundred miles but it feels like a few thousand. Again, Im consumed by worry about how Im gonna carry all my stuff. My books, my clothes, etc. In truth, all I need are a basic change of clothes, my papers, my notebook and my camera. The rest can be replaced.
That is so hard to remember.
Im watching the movie "Almost Famous". Ive had the DVD for a few years now, never watched it. Now, it feels like the right time to watch it. Its a story of a life-changing trip. As was "American Gods", now that I think of it.
Aright then, time to take it off pause.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Skillz
Perusing the Craigslist helped wanted, there are two skillsets I feel that are missing from my quiver:
- Color printing
- AV
Ive always been tempted to go work for a Kinko's or a film lab to take care of the former and the latter, well - Im not sure.
But, it'd be good to have.
- Color printing
- AV
Ive always been tempted to go work for a Kinko's or a film lab to take care of the former and the latter, well - Im not sure.
But, it'd be good to have.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
In the movie "You've Got Mail", Jean Stapleton's character utters:
Not nothing. Well, no money. Weirdly, although I would prefer to have money in hand to step into the unknown, I think it's better to step into the unknown with nothing. Sure, money gives you options, a warm bed, a roof which ain't nuthing to sneeze at, but it also gives a false sense of self that clouds the issues. Traps you into avenues that may not be the path youre seeking to travel. And I do mean 'trap'.
My situation is that Ive earned skills that allows me to earn a fair bit of cash, but I was frozen with fear that I would be stuck. Trapped. My last job, I eventually felt trapped and wanted out. Badly. Not something I feel like repeating. Hence my ambivalence for looking for another.
----------
One of the reasons I burned out working in the corporate IT world was that feeling of being trapped. Part of my attraction to computers was the freedom and challenge. Doing it for a living has many challenges which I enjoy, but the soul sucking feeling of being trapped - ahhh, not so much. I tried being a freelance consultant - and it also paid well, but eventually, I felt trapped again. Not by the corporate world, but really - by Microsoft. Dont do things their way and life would be hellish.
Eventually, it was Apple's turn to follow in Microsoft's footsteps.
Now, Im learning Linux by making it my primary OS platform, and although the learning curve isnt exactly flat, Im not feeling trapped. It gives me options, although I have a way to go before I feel comfy administering it. (Ironically, for 10 years I avoided using Linux against the advice of my tech peers because I didnt want to bother with another soul-sucking experience. Quite ironic.)
I left San Francisco in 2000 after 2 months, my vowing I would ways to make a living, somehow, without having to be in IT. Didnt happen. Regular work is a horrible, insecure way to make money. Eight years later, I dont want to be in IT, but its the most reliable way of making decent money. Heck, I feel trapped just rewritng my resume. Ironically, Im feeling trapped in San Francisco too.
I like having options. And I like money. But, I dislike feeling trapped.
So, Im heading into the unknown. Hopefully, I wont feel trapped there.
----
Im doing a bit of research again, watching movies, although Im not a big movie fan, I have a box of DVD's Im slated to get rid of, so I decided to go through them.
Of course, due to copy protection, the first two I selected (Alladin and You've got Mail) would NOT run on Linux. It would only run if I installed copy protection crap on my computer. I even acquiesced and installed it on my windows computer. Ugh. I installed it under Wine in Linux, and naturally, it wanted to install MORE crap.
Ugh. I went to the coffee shop, fired up the laptop, and searched for open source stuff that would bypass the copy protections. Minutes later, I was free.
I like that feeling.
----------
You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life! Oh, I know it doesnt feel like that, you feel like a big fat failure now. But youre not. You are marching into the unknown.. armed with nothing.
Not nothing. Well, no money. Weirdly, although I would prefer to have money in hand to step into the unknown, I think it's better to step into the unknown with nothing. Sure, money gives you options, a warm bed, a roof which ain't nuthing to sneeze at, but it also gives a false sense of self that clouds the issues. Traps you into avenues that may not be the path youre seeking to travel. And I do mean 'trap'.
My situation is that Ive earned skills that allows me to earn a fair bit of cash, but I was frozen with fear that I would be stuck. Trapped. My last job, I eventually felt trapped and wanted out. Badly. Not something I feel like repeating. Hence my ambivalence for looking for another.
----------
One of the reasons I burned out working in the corporate IT world was that feeling of being trapped. Part of my attraction to computers was the freedom and challenge. Doing it for a living has many challenges which I enjoy, but the soul sucking feeling of being trapped - ahhh, not so much. I tried being a freelance consultant - and it also paid well, but eventually, I felt trapped again. Not by the corporate world, but really - by Microsoft. Dont do things their way and life would be hellish.
Eventually, it was Apple's turn to follow in Microsoft's footsteps.
Now, Im learning Linux by making it my primary OS platform, and although the learning curve isnt exactly flat, Im not feeling trapped. It gives me options, although I have a way to go before I feel comfy administering it. (Ironically, for 10 years I avoided using Linux against the advice of my tech peers because I didnt want to bother with another soul-sucking experience. Quite ironic.)
I left San Francisco in 2000 after 2 months, my vowing I would ways to make a living, somehow, without having to be in IT. Didnt happen. Regular work is a horrible, insecure way to make money. Eight years later, I dont want to be in IT, but its the most reliable way of making decent money. Heck, I feel trapped just rewritng my resume. Ironically, Im feeling trapped in San Francisco too.
I like having options. And I like money. But, I dislike feeling trapped.
So, Im heading into the unknown. Hopefully, I wont feel trapped there.
----
Im doing a bit of research again, watching movies, although Im not a big movie fan, I have a box of DVD's Im slated to get rid of, so I decided to go through them.
Of course, due to copy protection, the first two I selected (Alladin and You've got Mail) would NOT run on Linux. It would only run if I installed copy protection crap on my computer. I even acquiesced and installed it on my windows computer. Ugh. I installed it under Wine in Linux, and naturally, it wanted to install MORE crap.
Ugh. I went to the coffee shop, fired up the laptop, and searched for open source stuff that would bypass the copy protections. Minutes later, I was free.
I like that feeling.
----------
Monday, March 24, 2008
Today's horrorscope sez:
If you get the urge to travel or in some other way to strike out in a new direction don't hold back. There is a whole world out there waiting to be explored, with new wonders to discover every day. What are you waiting for?
I know, right?
Money? Lack of it?
I'd like some short term work to put some cash in my pockets before I take off, but shit I just wanna take off.
If you get the urge to travel or in some other way to strike out in a new direction don't hold back. There is a whole world out there waiting to be explored, with new wonders to discover every day. What are you waiting for?
I know, right?
Money? Lack of it?
I'd like some short term work to put some cash in my pockets before I take off, but shit I just wanna take off.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
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