August 30th, 1991

We sat in the grass, on that late summer afternoon in Chicago..
I looked around at the warm sunlit scene behind the apartment flats, in the alley.
LilBro and I had nearly set the lawn and the surrounding buildings ablaze after cleaning and starting the barbeque fire.

Much fun, hilarity and familial warmth. :-)

As the drama settled, the meat was cooking and there were people all around.
LilBro was spending the summer with my father in Chicago, and I had driven into town that very morning to pick up the rest of my belongings to take back to my new permanent home in Jacksonsville, Florida.

Then suddenly, a feeling of surety came over me. I couldnt shake it, as much as I tried.
I felt "it" in the pit of my stomach, so I knew it to be true.
I didnt understand, but I knew.

I leaned over to LilBro to tell him with something I felt was very important. To inform him, to warn him, to give him a heads up.

The message was for me too.

"Andrew. Listen to me. I want you to remember this. This day. This moment. Everything. Remember it."

"Why?"

"Because NOTHING will be the same. Everything will be different from this moment on. Just remember this."

And we both became silent at the conviction in my voice, as my family and step-family ran around enjoying my surprise day-after birthday party.

We continued to enjoy the day.

And nothing, and I do mean nothing, from that day after - was ever the same again.

I remember most of that day like it was yesterday.

This evening, I walked up the main street of Bayonne, after hanging out with my neighbor, the Not-Yet Faded Beauty.. her and her daughters, all with curlers in their hair.

I suddenly felt the need to take pictures of them, rollers and all. :-)

Much hilarity and warmth.

I walked out into the street, and the rain-slicked streets with the hanging after shower fog of evaporation.. I had to take pictures.

I just felt the need to enjoy myself.

I walked into the Internet cafe, sat down at a table and didnt even check my mail.

Thursdays are talent night at the cafe.

I just sat down and enjoyed the old and young talents, having fun.

I took a few pictures as I enjoyed the jam..

I did all this because I knew. I know.

I dont understand, but I know.

This time, after going through this many times before Ive come to know the feeling well.

NOTHING will be the same hereafter.

The process has already started, no sense fighting it, as life is moving on to a totally different stage.

I dont know where I'll be or if I will see most of the people I hung out with tonight.

But sure as shooting, nothing will be the same.

That feeling is in my gut - so I know it to be true.



The one and only picture I have of me and my father together, sits framed by my computer.

It was taken on that day in August, almost 10 years ago.

That period of time was the last time I saw my father as well as my family together in Chicago.

Because nothing was ever the same again.
-----------------