What happened to the &#^%#% chip that was on my shoulder?!!!

Shit flows downhill but with a little patience, you can use it to grow flowers. - Dr Scott, Medeasin

The frustration has been growing, pondering my current lack of go get 'em ness.

Im starting to wonder if Im losing my edge, my mean surly side, the engine that runs my 'me against the world' persona.

Even cash doesnt motivate me. You can actually buy me off with a (decaf) mocha and a bear claw than you can by offering me thousands of dollars. How fucking sad is that???

Stupid people have been getting away withy snide remarks, people I could make shrivel with an intimidating glare. Now the fuckers are having delusions that they are gottdamned BETTER than me.

This has got to stop.

Ive been getting too *fuckin'* nice here in California.
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don't give into hate. it will just consume you like that ebola virus.
- gg, Daydreamy.com

Maybe it started when I moved to North Florida in 1990.

I think I became a bigot there.

Particularly in the habit of making a snap judgements based on the dress, gender, features etc.

Now, Im finding myself in the California/Berkeley groove of saying to myself "waitiaminnit, thats not fair".

Im placing snap values on human beings.

But its so automatic, this mechanism.

And to be totally honest - I dont totally want to grow out of this tribal reflex.

But I must.
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One of the joys of picture-taking for me was that it engaged both the analytical and instinctual modes.

Along with the writing, it's better than Arts & Crafts in the Wingnut Ward at Bellevue.

I think thats one reason why Ive been slightly on edge lately.

It's time to get back to it.
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Something Fred excerpted from some tome..

1. Never panic. Stop, breathe, think.
2. No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you. (This is especially important at parties if you feel self-conscious.)
3. Never change haircut or color before an important event.
4. Nothing is either as bad or as good as it seems.
5. Do as you would be done by, e.g., thou shalt not kill.
6. It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like.
7. Hardly anything matters: If you get upset, ask yourself, 'Does it really matter?'
8. The key to success lies in how you pick yourself up from failure.
9. Be honest and kind.
10. Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance.
11. Trust your instincts. Not your overactive imagination.
12. When overwhelmed by disaster, check if there's really a disaster by doing the following: a.) Think oh, f- - - it!; b.) Look on the bright side. If neither of the above works, then maybe it is a disaster so turn to items 1 and 4.
13. Don't expect the world to be safe or life to be fair.
14. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
15. Don't regret anything. Remember there wasn't anything else that could have happened, given who you were and the state of the world at that moment. The only thing you can change is the present, so learn from the past.

Yeah, its hard trying to remember all that while Going thru life, but yeah, it helps.