Randoms from 2003



The view over the Bay to San Francisco, from the Berkeley Hills above the UC Berkeley campus.

Shitza, it was cold that day.



Morning coffee from Rainbow Donuts, San Pablo and University



Part of the street scene on Telegraph Avenue



Lotsa old, rusting motorcycles around Berkeley.



UC Berkeley, Finals.



Quirky and cute, Berkeley is.



Music for money in front of the Berkeley BART station.



Mutzu, the cat. Old Deathbreath has lost weight. Worried about him.





Acton House Peace protest project, following them from start to finish

































Trevor and his pops





The rains turn everything green after awhile



Aiyah. The notebook was never the same again.






















A fellow August 29'er. *Her* name is Madonna. No lie.





Although beautiful, I hardly go into San Francisco anymore.







The parties got old after awhile.





Pretty flowers tho...



George lifted my spirits on a regular basis.



Beautiful place.

There was more...

Ive met myself, and Im Nuts.

"James is very, very smart, very tough, can be extremely ornery at times, but is extremely fair, and extraordinarily generous," said his friend Sellam Ismail, founder of the Vintage Computer Festival.

"That's pretty impressive for one guy," Ismail said.

Wired Magazine article on James Burgett and his organization, The Alameda County Computer Resource Center.

Friday, the co-founder of Web-TV, Phil Goldman , died. He was 39.

He was only a month and a half older than I.

I did meet the guy, and as charmed as I was by his charisma, wit, intelligence and ambition, I was troubled by something.

He was nuts.

Ive met a few other men who are fellow summer of '64 folk.

There was something about them that I recognized.

They were all like in one degree or another.

Incredibly smart, blunt talkin', wild eyed, imaginative, creative, highly opinionated, driven, fellow Dragons

They all wanted to change the world in one way or another, but in their own way. Grandiose, flaming plans.

Fucking nuts.

And I aim to do that too.

Although one guy, who makes postcards drawn by homeless folk from all over the country, wants to sail across the atlantic on a boat made from Oil Drums.

I dont think Im anywhere that nuts.

I dont think.
-------
Oh wait, I aim to travel the world as a photographer and writer, publish, sell clothes, designs, images, music, documentaries and start a non-profit co-op.

For starters.

Jeez, I DO sound nuts.

Why she is still my favorite Coiner of Terms

or

Im just a junkie for quirkily apt and illuminating phrases

From Angeline

..It's usually full of papery elderly ladies with scary faces, Hip Young Trendoids, and the Obligatory MAC Counter Staffed By Frightening Young Prettigoths Armed With Aggressive Makeup Brushes And That One Black Glove.

*snArx*

She kills me.

Give it up

I got many gifts over the holidays. Mostly stuff to keep me warm. Gloves, wool caps, scarves, fleece vests.

Brand new stuff.

Im grateful, but... Too much stuff. I dont need it all.

Ive given a lot of it away.


"Dude, you have too much stuff to be homeless.." someone said to me recently.

He's right. I need to get rid of shit. Before Im on the move again.

And I have to be ruthless about it.

In a Previous Life, I had a lot of stuff. And I thought back then I was living La Vido Lightweight. Silly.

A few years ago, I realized I had Way Too Much Stuff, and endeavored to live the laptop life.

When I left Florida I had two suitcases, a duffel bag, a backpack and two laptop bags.

And I thought I had lightened my life's load. Hah!

Now Im down to two backpacks, and a large duffel bag.

I still have too much fuckin' stuff.

I have to be more ruthless.

Imagine this as your life's goal:

To have everything you need to live life as carry-on luggage. Not for a trip. Your daily life.

Every ounce becomes important, as you move around with it.

It can be done, Im here to tell you. But its hard, Im also here to tell you.

It requires eternal vigilance. And sometimes, your stuff disappears (hopefully nothing important like papers ID and whatnot), and it feels like a blessing.

A great benefit of lightening the load?

You make room for better stuff to come into your life.

Im here to tell ya. :-)
---
And no, we're not just talking about 'stuff'.

From my Morning Marn (tm)

Dear Diary:

I have been feeling melancholy.

Yes, picture a middle-aged woman with the back of her hand dramatically resting on her forehead and you pretty much have my current mood.

Shut up. It's my journal and I'll drama if I want to.

Heh. Yup. She's entitled. :-)
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It's RAINING

Its called the Pineapple Express around here. Thats when a big woosh of Winter Weather Crap comes directly from the Hawai'ian Islands, mates violently with Alaskan/Bering Sea Weather Systems, and brings floods along the coast.. which causes mudslides and the like from hills burnt bare of foliage from the Autumnal Fires.

Imagine rain that extends in an unbroken line from Canada to Mexico.

Ah yes. Winter in California. Grand Shit.

Keeping Warm and Dry now becomes an effort of heroic proportions.

I kinda like it meself, even though the Romance of It All is long gone.

Ok, marn .. can you beat me on the Dramatic Capitalizations in One Entry? :-)

--------

Much thanks

Much thanks to the warm wishes and greetings Ive gotten recently.

The warmth is much appreciated.

Thank you.
-------
Thanks babydoll, for thinking well of me even after the relationship vaporised.

And apologising.

That's tall.

*censors comment about how many, many men are still waiting for that which never comes :)*

I consider loyalty a big deal, so I appreciate it when it's around.

And, thank you for having the guts to reach out.

As well as giving me the time and space.

Also much appreciated.

Thank you.

This week's horrorscopes

VIRGO: Apply bottom to chair. Pick up pen. Write. It's resolution time.

With Jupiter in your sign, the next eight months are critical for Virgos. This is one of life's great windows of opportunity. Make the most of it. Expansion of all kinds gets the cosmic green light. Romance, too? Why not!

But what with taking over the world and all, when will you find time?

So, the resolution next year is .. get while the going's good, eh?

Nah, couldnt be that easy.

On the day after the day after Christmas, my tru luv gave to me

It's Three French Hens Day, kinda tired, slightly aggro'd.

Im still whistling christmas carols, but Ive cunningly disguised them with Jazz idioms so people dont think Im whacked.

I strongly want to get started on everything, and Im too ... mmm.. Im feelin' brain fuzzed.

Coffee from Au Coquelet didnt even dent it.

Shitza. Shoulda had their French Roast (brewed with steam, two shots, definitely wakes up yer heart Im here to tell ya).

Eh, merc is still retrograde and the fuzzy head is indicative of it (I recognise the physical effects now).

My instincts tell me now is not the time to go stupidly forcing issues.

Sooo... I gotta relax and chill.

*drum drum drum*

I think a VentiMochaBreveExtryMochaNoWhipNoFoam is in order. I have a Starbux gift card I aim to blow.

That'll help.
---------
I was bouncing off the walls, talking non-stop.

MJ: "You sure are Mister Chatty this morning."

That would be me wired on espresso.

It aint pretty.

Christmas in the hills.

Food.

Warmth.

Walking up the &@^%#%@ hills of Oakland.

Warm, soft hugs.

Much food.

Kindness.

Snowball fights.

Muppet Christmas Movie.

Snuggled under the cover on couch.

Warm, sweet hugs.

Christmas party at Min Jung's place.

She rocks.

Christmas

Equals "Everything is closed", which is how I've looked at the actual day for the last 15 years or so.

Another holiday to be endured and to have it be done with quickly.

One christmas day a few years ago, I walked out of the TheStreet.com's old Rector Street offices to find that EVERYTHING was closed. Every single, solitary thing. Places that were literally 24/7 places, George's Restaurant, Mike's.. everything was shuttered. No traffic, few people, no business being transacted.

Just the rumble of the subways to tell you the heart of the city was still beating. But barely.

I had nothing to do or nowhere to go that Christmas morning. Wandering felt lonely in a city that never sleeps that had the shutters down everywhere.

New York on a Christmas morn was a fucking ghost town. Weird.

Oddly, that's about the absolute loneliest Ive ever felt.

Another Christmas morn found me walking out into an empty AT&T parking lot after a marathon two-day session of recovering a bunch of workstations from virii, which had munched on a lot of valuable data.

I remember the quiet, the weariness as I trudged to the car and the "Oh, is it Christmas already?" feeling.

So, I treat the day like any other holiday to be looked past. It eventually goes by. Time always flies if you know how.

So, its odd. This is prolly the first Christmas in a very very long time that Im planning for. Part of me flinches at the prospect of having it be a day to be endured.

Still, this time of being in Berkeley, in a weird, corny way.. everyday has been a sort of Christmas.

So, why should Christmas Day be any different?

Not to be *too* humble here

Today's horrorscope

Opportunities for soul-searching and philosophizing are plenty.
The world is more vivid and colorful when you understand the way things work on many levels, especially spiritual ones.

Reality is relative. You don't have to reject crazy notions in favor of conventional wisdom if you don't want to.
There are inner workings that aren't apparent until you analyze the scene.

Intelligence and a no-nonsense style make you sexy and exciting to be around.

Wha..whoa.. what was that last one there? :)

"I want Peace on Earth and a gift certificate and a pony.."

Just now, I commented on Sun's LiveJournal about what I want for camera gear, (SONY doesnt make professional camera gear :-p), blowing a personal rule of talking in public about what it is I REALLY want.

Sure, I want a Fuji S7000 and a Fuji S-2 Pro/Nikon D-100/D2H with all the lenses to make moola with..

But my dreams are bigger.

My own properly equipped professional studio, with all the accoutrements (espresso maker and art school co-ed assistants/models included).

My studio tho will be all digital workflow.

Which means what I REALLY want will cost Big Money.

Background:

Until I started helping pro photographers convert to a digital workflow, I didnt really know that there is a WHOLE NOTHER digital camera world out there.

The land of expensive digital camera backs. That come tethered to their own computers. With their own software.

So.. I want THIS.

Fujifilm DBP for GX680. 40 megapixel ouput. LARGE format. Oooh baby...

$22 Grand plus is the suggested retail.

Granted, batteries and the camera comes seperately - but hey, you cant have everything.

And this is just ONE of my dreams.

Yes, I dream big, but I dont tell people that.
-----------
They say the universe provides... but sometimes you wonder what the gods have up their sleeves when they hand out the goodies..

Cuz there is always a catch.

Yesterday, I got a brand new pair of Serious Boots. Good for wading into muddy, cold artic tundra. Or the rainy streets of San Fraincisco in winter (*larfs ass off*).

Ok, fine.

THEN today, I got a Lowe Alpine backpack.

WTF??

WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING????

Its got space for ALL my stuff and pretty much any camera gear, including tripods that I may ever need to carry.

Oh yeah, and in the backpack was a North Face Winter Jacket.

Uh-huh.

See questions 1 and 2 above.

So, to the universe which provides.. thank you for the christmas stuff.

What's the catch?
----
Oh yeah, I got the gear from a man who travels the world, writes books.. he is off to Thailand for the winter, and he was shedding accumulated gear he didnt need.

Cuz he needs to travel light.

A true Itinerant.

Ok.. next!

End of the year, almost time for another resolution. A theme for the upcoming year.

Hmm. Every year, I pick something that I know will be a bit of stretch, worthwhile and ongoing.. and just weird and vague enough that I cant bullshit or rationalise myself out of it.

To rehash, this year has been about surrender.

Whoo. THAT'S been a doozy.

Surrendering to my lifelong fears of being homeless. Surrendering to alternate experiences. Alternate people. And a whole lot more I might write novels about.

But a big deal, was surrendering to love. And in retrospect, its been surrendering to intimacy.

Something Im NOT good at. Nor have I particularly wanted to on most levels... even as I crave it and conversely run as fast as I can for clear emotional air.

So, in 2003 - I surrendered. And then, I explored it further.

Mostly going along with the flow, sometimes making the tough and hard choices.

It feels as if Im finding my way to somewhere. Finally.

Now, I want more, but on my terms, natch.
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This week's horrorscope

Think about it. Think about it hard.

This year was about intimacy -- either an attempt to achieve it or the need to deal creatively with the lack of it.

Now, as Christmas approaches and lucky stars light up your one-on-one house, Santa's largess includes a sweet and sensual breakthrough.
No one, but no one, deserves a tender moment more than you do.

Just don't do anything to Scrooge it up.

*Looking up from lacing up emotional running shoes*

Who? Me?
------
My morning Marn(tm) giving me a smile about the sappymushy stuff...

We were still speaking, but it was in the slightly formal tones that one uses when one is trying to mask the fact that one is very, very ticked off with the other person. It was a wonderful way to spend a special day. No. Really. I mean it.


That never going to bed angry rule is a good one. I apologized to him for being anal. He was generous enough to say the room will be more polished looking because I have been so fussy.

There was smooching and other stuff.

There is something to be said about living vicariously through others.

For one, its waaaay easier than living your own. :-)
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Soooo, whats the resolution fer next year....

Hmmm.

Dunno yet.

Maybe Im not asking the right questions...

A good time not had at the movies

Instead of the movies, I went walkabout today.

I went into the Oikland Hills to recon the layout in case I get lost on Christmas Night. Cant be too careful.

Yep. Way hilly.

I loudly wondered (to myself and others within earshot) if anyone in those parts ever walked anywhere.

Eventually I found a Secret Way Back that made me less fearful of the Montclair Hills.

Still, lets make sure I have Plan B cab money.

Once Im in Walkabout Mode, I wander.
---------
Wandered the Montclair Hills Village area.

No Barnes and Nobles, but many cute little shoppes of the bourgeois type.

According to Montclair Village guide I studied (Got it from the Montclair Malt Shop, great Vanilla malted: $4.75 tho) ... they have 10 psychiatrists IN A 3 BLOCK SQUARE AREA.

Money (or wanting it) will make you mad I think.
-----------

Got off the bus.

Found myself in Oakland's Chinatown.

Bliss.

By my reckoning, although far smaller than San Francisco's Chinatown.. way better.

Ahhhhh, the joy of getting lost amongst crowds of people.

Heh. In a 3 square block area.

I swear to gawd, I did.

I got lost.

Cool. :-)

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Me to cute chica under an umbrella..

"Do you know where Maria's Bakery is? I thought it was around here somewhere..."

Her responding in California Valley Girl-type speak*: (*trust me guys, y'all DO sound like that. I dont giggle when I hear it now.)

"Oh no! I think it's closed down now!"

"Any other place that you know of?"

"Like, a place that has the fancy pastries like Maria's? There are a couple of places around here, but not like Maria's."

"Ok, thank you - I'll go look."

"I'm sorry! Good luck!"

I smiled back, and jaywalked across the middle of Franklin Street (Californians act like Jaywalking is a capital offense..) to find a pastry shop.

I found several.

The first:

Reading from EXTENSIVE pastry bun menu..

"Can I get a shitake chicken bun, two hot dog buns and..."

"No no.. only Pineapple bun."

"Ok, then I'll get a ham and cheese.."

"Pineapple bun, we only have Pineapple bun."

I stop, regeared, smiled at the idiocy of a pastry shop only having one item out of 42 listed, wheeled and went back out into the rain.

*munch*.. number two (Sun Sing Pastry) had everything. Tummy full now.

------------
NOT cool however, is when people apply an age-old insult.. spitting forcefully as you walk by or they go by you.

An age-old expression of insult.

Shit, they dont spit that much even in NY.

And this has happened every time Ive been through Oakland's chinatown.

This time, I only remember two loud and forceful spitters behind me.

An old woman and a young man.

Usually, I dont notice until after the fact, and Ive had the time to analyze.. or I ignore it.

Now, Im pissed.

Next time that crap happens, I may turn around and return the favor or express another age-old insult.

Again, most folk are cool, but it does happen every time I roll through there.

Not cool at all.
-------------------
After a mild shopping spree (Yeo's Soymilk and a vietnamese sesame cookie), I stopped and treated to myself to a Horlicks Tapioca drink.

*chew*

Now I know I see alla da time, tapioca drinks sitting out in the open with a good 1/3'rd left of balls and juice.

No one actually EATS alla the chewy tapioca balls I find.

At first it brought peace, but the prospect of chewing all those tapioca balls.. eh no.

The trick to finishing your drink: Abandon the straw, open the lid and suck the last of the juice out leaving the balls.

*nod*
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Goin' walkabout. Better than the movies.

".. when you need to find coffee and donuts, go get a cop.."

7:35am
Au Coqulet Cafe
Milvia and University
Berkeley, California

Walked into coffee shop to get caffienated. French owner asks me what I need. I reply curtly..

"French Roast. Room for cream."

He passes on the order to counter help, I pick up BearClaw pastry.

He stops, looks at me, asks

"Dont I know you? You look VERY familar."

"Of course you do, Ive been in here a lot."

He peers then leans over to me..

"Are you a cop?"

I think "Christ, another paranoid Berkeleyite who thinks everybody is an undercover cop." I laugh and answer..

"No, but I get that a lot."

He doesnt laugh, and repeats sotto voce, "But you ARE a cop, right?"
I laugh and say "No, but I have cop genes. My father was a police officer."

"Oh. Well, you look familiar", and then he laughs, a little nervously I notice.

I'll put that into my report.

I pick up my coffee and its not until later that I realize I shoulda said "yes, I am an officer"; then maybe I woulda gotten my caffiene gratis from now on.

"Shitza!", as Kate would say.


-----
Whoo, Im still highly caffienated. Think I'll go catch a movie.

That Lord of the Rings one, then "Bad Santa", and then mebbe that Jack Nicholson flick.

Pay for one matinee, sneak into others.

Oaklanders call this "hopping".

Seemingly dense

"You know, she really is beautiful."
"Maaan, sometimes you really ARE slow!"
"Hm?"
"The girl is BEAUTIFUL. You guys get along. And you are now noticing how beautiful she is?????"
"Yup."
"Youre hella smart about most things, but sometimes I wonder about you."
"Heh. I just said that because I was merely wondering if I might be missing something good."
"DUH! You ARE!!"

Heh. Nah.

We're better friends.

Events usually prove my initial instincts right.

-------
She is a beautiful person, tho...

Inside and out.

Glad to have her around.

Random thought while enjoying the scenery just now

Another gob-smacked-up, ungodly, unbelievable, photo-effin-genic sunset in one of the beautiful parts of the planet.

Where Im broke, cold and oft-times wondering WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING here.

I dont HAVE to *^$#^ be here, suffering. I could be elsewhere where its warm and cheap and and..

Gardammit.

That sunset is fuckin' incredible.

Scene.
--------
Then I calm down and enjoy the people and the scenery.

"It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year.."

Ahh, tis Mercury retrograde time again.

VIRGO

Ruling Planet Mercury is retrograde.

Apply Murphy's Law to everything you do thru 6 Jan.

Dates to watch out for are the 22nd, 26th, and 30th.

Hee. Apply Murphy's Law..

Time for change whether I like it or not.

A Merc retro started this journey of being 'residentially challenged'. Heh.

In hindsight, I wished I had done that sooner instead of it being forced upon me by circumstance.

Still, Im being told by folk around me, Im a different, more confident man nowadays having gone through this crapp.

Cool.
------
Currently, my instinct is to lay low till after the new year... and lo, sez my horrorscope today:

Because yours is such a practical sign, you don't always trust your inner voice, that part of you that seems to know the answers even when you don't know the questions.

However, experience has taught you that if you ignore that voice, you tend to regret it later, so let it guide you today and every day from now on.

Right on, I do.

I think.

The most important thing now is that you focus on what you are good at and forget about everything else.

As Mercury, your ruler, turns retrograde in the area of your chart that governs your powers of creativity, you must recognize that the more you spread your energy around, the less you will get back from it.

Specialization is the key to success.

Aright! Plastics!

No?

Meh.

After a few tries, boring post wouldnt post.

As my superstition goes, if it dont wanna post, the gods dont want it out there.

Soooooooooooo.....

*drum drum drum*

Bored, bored, bored.

Sometimes, patience isnt what its all cracked up to be.
-----
Ah well, got a lotta reading to do.

History, art, sociology, grant writing, production, business.. oh my.

Guh.

Just finished reading BOBO's in Paradise.

Funny how books I need to read fall into my hands when Im ready to receive the message.

Cuz I'm in Berkeley, California. You know, Volvo central.

Oh.. BOBO = Bourgeois Bohemians.

I know 'em intimately.

The overly educated folk who mix conservative Bourgeois values with the flexible Bohemian viewpoint.

Think Latte town, distressed furniture and Range Rovers with Save the ________ bumper stickers and you've got the idea.

Or people who drop 10, 20, 60 large to get back to nature on the farthest ends of the earth. For meaning.

At least here, they usually mean well.

Good book.









































As the natives say:

"This..... is Berkeley".

Kinda grows on you.

I should make a bumper sticker.

Yea, verily....

Been humming and whistling all kindsa Christmas standards recently...

Winter Wonderland kindsa stuff. Been even doing Jazz riffs to 'em. Even had a few "NICE!!" in passing.

Heh, Fred.. Im currently whistling "Here Comes Santa Claus", and thinking about Ralphie Parker in "The Christmas Story". ;-)

Heee. :)
--------------
Today's horrorscope

As Yule lights flicker, your brave spirit draws people like a magnet.

You've come a long, long way, adding perspective to an upsy, downsy year. (It's called building character.)

Now the idealist in you shifts its concern to the nitty gritty of life, like the green stuff that doesn't grow on trees and has very little to do with wreaths or holly.

This year, you have to be your own Santa.

You've come a long, long way..

Heh, building character, eh.

I gotta admit, its been a helluva ride.

Which has given a little extra flavor to this holiday season.

Which is why Im humming christmas ditties loudly and unabashed.

Its a good thing. :-)