Ah yes.

"I've never met a satisfied rich man." ~ Martin Sheen

I know why I want money. I want peace, stability, choices, freedom. The freedom to have my own piece of the world without agita.

And yet....

When I do have money, sometimes more than I know how to spend - I still have that gnawing, unfulfilled feeling.

Now, Im feeling mightily frustrated, but oddly not as unfulfilled. That tells me I am moving on the right track, and its of my own choosing.

Cant have everything all at once...
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LilBro called me over from Jersey to come help him move some furniture, et al.

In my loving, brotherly way - I asked if he was gonna pay my m*$^%%^# train-fare....

Im proud of him.

A Sagittarian, life is apparently is unfulfilling if he's not fucking up in some shape or form... but eh, watcha gonna do - its his nature.

As is my Virgoan nature, and the job of being a big brother - is to point out that fucking up is fun for just so long - "and then what" inevitably kicks in.

This irritates him no end, even as he grudgingly admits Im making sense.

Im still proud of him. He's on the right track, in his own way - even though he cant see it for himself yet.

Having fun is a priority for him, yes.. but he steps up when it counts, which is when family is involved. Specially now.

Ive always told him, since he was a child, that there are two things I am sure of about him:

- He will be rich eventually, sure as shooting.
- He is an extremely wise soul.

Funny thing. He listens to me.. because he knows I wont lie to him, even though I seem to always spoil the fun with my *cough* dry *cough* sense o' humor.

(He did die laffing, after calling me a buncha names, when I growled at him "Youre *this* close to calling me a pussy"... He stopped calling me names. He's no fool. :-)

Yes, he may fuck up, and I fully anticipate several marriages, children, scandals and alimony before the decade is over - but hey, you can be wise and still fuck up. He's allowed. :-)
He smiles when I tell him all that. Apparently, Im the only one through the years who tells him the positive.

Im proud of my little brother, the little #%$#% so an' so. :-)
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While Ma is being taken care of in Miami, we decided that this would be an opportune time to start cleaning up 25 plus years of accumulated detrius in her place. (She throws away *nothing*.. thats what a Moon in Cancer does, mars. You all are waaay too sentimental.)

The job would go faster, if we werent stopping to put aside old textbooks over 20 years old, old assignments, our old books. Somehow, Ma turned us all into voracious readers, cept for LilBro - who does treasure the books he has.. mostly my gifts to him to spur his reading.

We were laughing over BigBro's meticulous handwriting .. (LilBro: A work of art, my god. And then what happened to you?), a spelling test from LilBro's 5th grade (an impromptu test found he STILL misspelled the same words from 15 years ago), and old records we forgot we had.. (Teddy Pendergrass...man, he was high, drunk AND getting a blow job when he crashed his Rolls into that tree.. what a way to lose the use of your legs ). The old Mills and Boone/Harlequin books our sisters had.. were safely tossed. Collectors items some of them, maybe, but who gives a crap for old soft-porn...



Since I stayed with Pops and went with him to Chicago instead of New York, my stuff is long gone to the winds.

In my itinerant lifestyle, I dont think I have anything left over from before the '90's..

Pity.
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