I dont

I went to ground zero once, and only once, with The Cappy. No, truth is, we only went to as far as Reade Street.

We went as soon as the lockdown on the tunnels were lifted.

By that time the fires were out, although still smoldering, the dust was caked everywhere, the barricades were up and people were there doing a combination of gawking and .. being stunned.

My most indelible memory was of seeing one building with its windows blown out, half its facade torn away.

I walked past a girl I dated. She was in a red cross volunteer vest. Hannah. I didnt even see a flicker of recognition. Havent seen her since.

I took a few pics. It was quiet. Even with the heavy machinery being trucked in.

We left. Our mouths were gritty. We had throbbing headaches. We gladly took the water the volunteers handed us.

And we never went back.
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If Id known my pictures would become suddenly and irrevocably dated.

I woulda taken more.
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I never looked in the direction of ground zero again.

Never.

I still dont wanna.

I have no intention of going back till they finish rebuilding.

And even then.
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I dont read the remembrances. I only skim through the articles. I dont watch tv so Im spared the anniversary crap.

I would rather remember things..

- Going to dinner at the Thai place with Tisha across the street, her favorite place to dine.
- photographing it
- taking the PATH trains
- wandering through the courtyards
- the crush of people crossing the street at commute times
- the tourists
- the farmers market every tuesday Id always be too late to enjoy
- the absolutely filthy Krispy Kreme donut shop, after it had served thousands

And using it as a reference point.

Everything after, Id rather not.

Thank you.