"..come heavy or not at all."
- Junior Soprano

Sometimes, one seeks the right question.

Years ago, someone asked me - "What do you want to do?" and I answered "I can do anything."

Right question, wrong answer.

What DID I want to do?

Yesterday, as we sat in the waning light in the Haight District, after not getting what I wanted AND finding out that my laptop screen was smashed... Mira asked what was it that I really wanted if I totally left the tech world behind.

"You said you wanted to leave the technology behind. To do what you wanted to do. To change your.. what did you call it, your myth, your legend."
"Yeah, but its such a part of what I do, whenever I look for work, I think in terms of tech."
"So, if it doesnt involve tech, what do you want to do?"

I didnt answer her directly, and I went inside the coffee shop to use the washroom.

In there, above the toilet, was an Aaron Chang print of a San Francisco neighborhood. A picture I could do with my eyes closed.

I knew.

I came back out, sat beside her and looked down the street at another shot that I needed to take.

I needed to take that shot badly. Nothing else was important.

I told her what I wanted, I wanted so badly that I can taste it. Nothing else matters.

I thought I was serious before.

Now, its time to come heavy.
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The other day, my friend Nancy ended her latest letter with..

> I'm looking
> forward to you
> becoming rich and famous so I can say "I knew him
> when..."

She always says that. :-)

You know, I now realize - she's not just saying that.

I shouldnt either.