Living at the YMCA taught me a lot of things..
From the brothers I learned an adults perspective about sex, money, music, philosophy, politics etc etc etc. A lot of wisdom was imparted to me.
Importantly, I tried to listen and understand.
And yet when the subject of being under 30, they would just shake their heads and say "You have NO idea yet."
There was just some things they couldnt teach me.
Sho nuff.. its getting deep years after 30 passed...
Talking to Gigi..
gigi: it would be *nice* to work only 6 mos/year!
JPennant: If I actually worked, I would agree. :-)
gigi: joe, you could work. it is your choice. :-)
JPennant: absolute
JPennant: This might sound odd to you..
gigi: odd? tell me!!! :p
JPennant: Most clients end up offering me a permanent job
JPennant: In fact, the last photographer I worked with did
JPennant: when he did, I just wanted to turn around and flee
gigi: you don't like feeling confined like that?
JPennant: Its not a matter of being confined.
JPennant: It may sound odd, but my basic nature is that of a workaholic.
JPennant: When I was younger, I woulda freaked out and taken the first decent job offered.
gigi: but now, you know what it's like, so you're not worried. they'll always be a job for you, it's just a matter of you wanting it
When I was younger, I used to be disdainful of those who didnt want to work.
Hey, I thought it was a simple matter.
Now I find I can be classified as a hippie drop out.
I have a LOT of respect for those trying to live their lives a certain way....
It aint easy and it requires a lot of guts.
Stubborness, if you will.
JPennant: There is a reason Im not looking for the ez 9-5.
gigi: and what is that reason?
JPennant: Hard to explain, but it has something to do with choosing a path, and how difficult it is to get back on the path you want once you step off it.
gigi: ahhhh...
gigi: like a rollercoaster, sorta. once you get on, you can't get off, at least for a little while. until it stops. and then, you're all disoriented.
JPennant: No, its more like switching trains, and catching one that turns out to take you far from where you want to go.
JPennant: Notice how much of a hassle it is to get back on the right track?
JPennant: I dunno if Im on the right train, but I know Im on the right track.. and I dont want to jump off this track.
gigi: and where do you think this track leads?
gigi: do you have any ideas?
JPennant: oh yes.
gigi: care to share?
JPennant: I would, but Im only now just starting to appreciate it.
gigi: heh. gotcha
gigi: :-)
I dunno if she did. But I'm telling ya - crossing the age of 30 is important because of this:
You start realizing you are running out of time.
You start APPRECIATING shit.
There is a reason the military prefer their soldiers to be under 30....
JPennant: I used to think I had it all figured out. :-)
gigi: that's what everyone thinks at one time or another, right? ;-)
JPennant: heheh. yep.
JPennant: Along the way, In figuring things out.. I forgot my dreams
JPennant: Im only now rediscovering them.
JPennant: The trick is shedding the extraneous baggage I accumulated along the way, so that I can focus on what Im supposed to be doin.
gigi: extraneous baggage..... keep your life simple, right?
JPennant: Well, thats partly it
gigi: and what life are you on now?
JPennant: but the 'baggage' also includes attitudes, fears and the like that Im realizing are hindering me.
gigi: what are you afraid of?
JPennant: being broke, alone, hurt etc.
JPennant: All the mechanisms I put up to defend myself from those things are turning out to be hindering , not helping.
gigi: do you think it would help if you let your guard down a little? perhaps you are shielding yourself away from someone/something that could actually help you?
JPennant: oh yes.
JPennant: I wish it only took a day to do that.
JPennant: and if it were as simple as letting ones guard down
gigi: yeah, i know. but that is an important first step. you have to learn to trust
JPennant: the persona and attitudes worked well for me for a long time
gigi: trust other people, trust yourself.
JPennant: dahlin, if you only knew the half of it.
JPennant: Let see
<*private shytte snipped*>
gigi: omigosh! i had no idea!
JPennant: There are good reasons for having my guard up
JPennant: Right now Im trying to move on....
JPennant: Im trying to prove there is no reason for me to have my guard up.
JPennant: Because Im better than that.
gigi: but i can understand. things like that can really scar a person. and sometimes they take awhile to get over b/c what gurantees do they have that it will never happen again? that it could be different next time?
JPennant: Im trying to get to the point where it doesnt matter.
gigi: i'm sorry you were so hurt. :-(
JPennant: Thats the thing ... my defenses work :-)
gigi: i see. :-)
JPennant: Even so, at this stage of life, they are hindering me, keeping me back.
Yep. My defenses are quite effective.
Im not this way 'just because'...
But those defenses are making me miss out on some of the joy of life...
.
JPennant: now, money wise.. thas another, yet related matter.
JPennant: If I had money, would I feel like Im on the right track?
JPennant: When I HAD money, I thought i was.
JPennant: It was a pair of bounteous boobs that made me realize I wasnt. :-)
gigi: hahaha
gigi: never had 'em, never will!
JPennant: Heh
JPennant: Well, these boobs were attached to a woman I wouldve done ove rand over in a heartbeat.
gigi: hehe
JPennant: To be fair though she isnt so shallow that its only money that wouldve kept her with me..
JPennant: It IS money that wouldve gotten those boobs. She was the one who whispered in my ear. "Wow, youre a good catch.. where do you keep the money?"
JPennant: She was joking. But not by much. :-)
JPennant: But.. I didnt want her that badly.
JPennant: And I didnt want my life w/money that badly.
gigi: yeah, 'cuz that's not what's important to you
JPennant: Even tho I WANTED money and those ta-ta's. :-)
gigi: yeah, ok joe. as long as you're being honest about it! ;-)
JPennant: The bigger question was .. what was it did I want so badly that I could taste it??
gigi: umm.... companionship? fun? sex?
gigi: love?
JPennant: All that can be bought.. and not for a whole helluva lot either.
JPennant: Its enlightening that the biggest urge I had with **** wasnt sex?
JPennant: No, what I wanted to do for her was to 'protect her dreams'
JPennant: as corny as that sounds.
gigi: hmmm.... i wonder what that really says? i would think in an ideal situation, there would be both. the sexual and the emotional urges.
JPennant: But that was vitally important to me.
JPennant: In any case, after awhile I realized that it was just as important to protect MY dreams.
JPennant: The dreams I thought were gone and lost after all the years.
JPennant: Your dreams and soul shouldnt be that cheap as to set a price on them.
JPennant: or be willing to set a price on them.
Thats about when I realized...
A reason we throw away or dreams or soul is that we often get to the point where we are willing to set a price on them.
Our dreams and soul arent ours to sell.
They are that valuable.
gigi: joe, i would love to get into a more philosophical conversation about this, but right now, i have to go to a meeting.
JPennant: Yar. :-)
gigi: i hope you're doing ok. i do worry about you, you know!
JPennant: Thanks for the insights, princess mochi :-)
gigi: haha, talk to you soon!!
Wow. That was deep.
Tuesday, March 13, 2001
We were talking about the Mac Dual G4 he had just purchased, a very nice machine - and the discussion turned to what I wanted, naturally.
JPennant: This is what Im jonesing for, by the way. :-)
McClint: too bad ya dont have an old 5300 that you could trade in for a G3 Powerbook
JPennant: hm? Why?
McClint: apple has a trade in program in place for a limited time. trade inyour PB 5300 + $1300(?) and geta G3 Powerbook
JPennant: a G3-500?
McClint: dont think its that fast. lemme see if i can find the page
McClint: http://www.info.apple.com/support/powerbook/5300upgradedetails.html
JPennant: 1600 bux. I could get my hand on a 190.. but eh. More monet than I wanna spend on a machine.
McClint: you could do it :-)
JPennant: Nah. I figure, right now.. poverty behooves me to get a G3-333 offa e-bay for 800 bux or less.
McClint: hehe yeah
McClint: you're really jonesin
JPennant: For laptops, yeah
JPennant: you know why I really want laptops?
JPennant: So I can write.
McClint: to type your blogs while sitting in the park?
McClint: hehehe yeah i figured
JPennant: I realized it when I had the Toshiba 7000CT for awhile
JPennant: I totally ignored the plentium. I just preferred the laptop over all else.
McClint: where would ya go to write?
JPennant: Anywhere I felt.
McClint: would whipping out a laptop on the subway be advised?
JPennant: I even did that too
JPennant: subway, planes, airport terminals, sofa.. didnt matter.
JPennant: The 7000 is a light, slim laptop
JPennant: made it easy to carry around and to use. Felt like a notepad.
McClint: yeah. i thought about an iBook cuz of the handle
JPennant: I would too, but that thing looks and feels like a toy.
McClint: bah!
JPennant: Heheh. Calm down.. nuttin against it, now :-)
McClint: :-)
JPennant: But Im a heavy duty user, so I need heavy duty machines
JPennant: but, until I had the Toshiba 7000, I didnt think of light laptops as heavy duty (eg: See piece o' crap Sony)
McClint: as long as it wont break while sitting on your lap
JPennant: Shoot. I abused that bad boy. :-)
JPennant: Literally. :-)
JPennant: Next time I'll get a laptop lining :-)
McClint: hehehe a wetsuit!
JPennant: heheh
Yeah. For some reason, it feels easier to write on a laptop.
Makes me feel like a more bona fide writer.
Laptops and a beret. Yeah.
Soon I'll be wearing black turtlenecks and chewing on nasty french cigarettes....
Monday, March 12, 2001
Im not really. Its all in good humor.
Its a Virgo thing...
Fellow Virgo tricianna comments:
OMG, Joe, where'd you find that guy!? I swear, it's almost creepy that he wrote down exactly what I've been thinking all these years. =)
I didn't know it THOSE were all Virgo traits. Yay! Finally I can just rack it up to the stars ...
Unless you are, or you have an SO who is a Virgo.. you'd prolly not get the hooplah.
We are just.. different. :-)
I doubt we truly understand ourselves.
Like Spock, we are a whole lot more complicated than we appear.
Even to the folk who know us.
This guy, born 8/28 is a Virgo all right.
Why?
In his bio, he lists stuff that most Virgos I know regard as a mantra....
What people dont like about me:The fact that I really don't need them.
Not afraid of: Hurting other people; responsibility
Afraid of: Hurting those I love
Yar. Those pesky people and the silly emotions they have.
And of course.. :-)
Biggest advantage: "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
Yah, tis a Virgo thing indeed. Heheh.
----------
Sunday, March 11, 2001
*snorf*
Hmm.. must be sumthing about furry, purry cats curled up with ya on a couch that'll put you into a deep sleep...
In this case tho, it must've been the vastly-more-boring-than-anticipated showing of The Lone Gunmen that had me snoring on the couch curled up with Moo faster than a rhino-jacking dose of Nyquil....
-----------
"A dozen bagels.. oh, and a plain bagel with lox."
"No cream cheese?"
"Nope."
"Fresh lox?"
Fresh lox? There are other kinds? Damn, Im still a tourist.. ohkay.. executive decision...
"Uh yeah."
To the guy ringing up my purchases...
"...Bagel wit lox.. 5 dollars..."
"Wait. FIVE dollars??!!!"
"Yeah, thats why I asked you 'fresh' lox."
"Dude.. still.. FIVE DOLLARS???"
"Lox is 20 bux a pound."
Please. I can get Lox for TEN bux a pound. But thats in Brooklyn. And I was standing at a bagel joint in Staten Island, seriously jonesing for a hot bagel wit lox this morning. I shoulda haggled.
It was good, but FIVE DOLLARS?? Gottdamn.
--------------
Friday, March 09, 2001
Like my airstream-obsessed muse-sprite pal Fredlet.. I get like this sometimes:
I am a fairly sociable person 'til I get tired. Then I clam up and retreat back into the morass that is my brain.
My closest analogy of this is when you play with a baby for a long time, then after the baby gets tired it turns its head away from you to avoid the stimulus.
Sometimes, I just run out of things to say. My brain just shuts down and refuses to generate phrases.
Like this past week.
Ive got a ton to say.
Sometimes I cant say it.. because SOME people get mad at me because they think what I write about is all about THEM.
*grumph*
Other times, I just dont wanna be bothered to write.
I very rarely put pen to actual paper.. because .. well.. it sounds suspiciously like work. (I threw that in for ya, Stuart. :-)
Sometimes I will sit and stare, lost, searching for the best opening line.
I ache over this detail because my opening line(s) should be restated by my closing line.
One of the very few rules I still adhere to from Communication 202.
But sometimes I have all this shit in my brain, and I dont know how to say it.
Like now.
------------------
F'rinstance, Ive got some e-mail to answer.
Back when I had to process an average of 50 personal e-mails a day, I was efficient enough to be able to dispose of the load in the same day.
Eloquently, and with dispatch.
Nowadays, I only get an average of 5 personal emails daily (from folk I want to talk to even).
Now, they sit in my inbox, and my mind is blank.
It used to be I could answer them eloquently, saying the right thing.
More often than not tho, my return mail is ill-stated and tardy.
I still have a lot to say, but now Ive have to say it properly, which takes time and effort.. and sounds suspiciously like work..
SO, I stare at my inbox, hoping tomorrow brings clarity and that folk will unnerstand why Im being so tardy....
-------------------
Possible list of topics I may have wanted to talk about:
- Mochi, Princess Mochi, Mochi Ice Cream.. unexplained craving for, since Ive never tasted Mochi.
- Why I want a Mercedes Benz. A used one. Not a flashy one. A proletarian, inexpensive, yet upper-middle class one. In dark blue or black.
- Seeing if I can write Fuji and cajole them them into fixing my out-of-warranty camera fer free.
- Why not giving a shit about friends can be good for all.
- Why, after watching Sex in the City, and noting that unlike the real New York, there arent many, if any folk of african or latino descent in the series, but a decent number of asian folk as extras - why an Asian version of Sex in the City could work, if handled properly....
Like avoiding preachiness, which all minority-based shows seem to sink to quickly.
- Why a good number of the journal writers I read are MUCH better writers than Sarah Vowell, as good as she is.
- How I havent been off the island in nearly two weeks. Actually, could be all of March.. would have to check my notes.
- How I cant seem to write whats on my mind....
------------
The last time I listened to the radio, I was driving regularly.
And even then, I rarely, if ever - listened to National Public Radio. (Sorry Jules).
I DO watch Conan O'Brien.
Hey, Im a man of the populi, yo.
And I caught a re-run of when Sarah Vowell was on.
I didnt know who this mousy, slightly goth-looking young woman was.
But she was MADD funny. Simply by her sarcastic wit and insight, that I recognized instantly.
Her writing, tone and opinion, is exactly reminiscent of the talented journalers I read daily.
Turns out she was hawking a collection of her NPR essays and Salon articles entitled "Take The Cannoli".
In her squeaky, mousy voice, she had Conan, the audience and me doubled over in laughter as she eviscerated the world with her opinion.
Why am I fascinated by her?
I want to do EXACTLY what she's doing.
My literary heroes arent Hemingway, Faulkner and Chomsky. Hell no.
Id rather chew up the works of Mike Royko and PJ O'Rourke, and write and make a living like they do.
Its not easy, but dammit - Ive known Ive always wanted to do it.
Brian Y gave me an idea yesterday, so profound I excitedly yelped 'HOLY COW" as I realised the answer Ive been searching for has been staring right up at me all this time.
Man, I OWE Waterbelle for putting that piece of gold in my hands.
Anyway, tomorrow I think I'll be doing a jaunt of Manhattan..
I'll prolly stop by the Strand Book Store and pick up a copy of "Cannoli".
And sit in the Astor Place Starbux coffeeshop thinking of ideas.
---------
The cat has been in a pissy mood recently.
Gabz: hola
JPennant: hey dahlin
JPennant: wass new, pussycat?
Gabz: nuttin.
Gabz: packing to go snow and boarding.
JPennant: Oh yah. I was thinking today that youd already left.
Gabz: nope. tamale at 6
Gabz: oh hey, it's the bull on your site. :-)
JPennant: hm?
Gabz: i love the financial district of NYC.
Gabz: i got lost around there one year.
JPennant: yeah? :-)
JPennant: Yep. That is Olde New Yorke
Gabz: yeah! on labor day weekend, about 4 years ago.
Gabz: liked it a lot.
JPennant: Lotsa history there.
JPennant: Rotsa rats too. :-)
Gabz: eep.
JPennant: Not as bad as Chinatown, but close.
Gabz: i like that tiny meeces that run around in Amsterdam train tracks.
JPennant: The rats eat the mice here. :-)
Gabz: *turns green*
JPennant: *cackle*
Gabz: they also take the train.
JPennant: yep :-)
Gabz: and eat bagels with raspberry jam
Gabz: *cough*
JPennant: "Big enuff to take the bus" :-)
Gabz: better watch yer bagel.
JPennant: HappyCat keeps this place rodent free.
Gabz: cute!!
JPennant: I just had to throw him outside
JPennant: he is mad bored.
Gabz: aw.
JPennant: Literally clawing the ceilings.
Gabz: i want to throw the two girls out.
Gabz: they keep going into heat.
Gabz: rubbing and talking.
Gabz: ugh.
Gabz: *pushes tail away*
JPennant: Well, he's addicted to his food bowl.. so he aint goin nowhere
Gabz: har.
JPennant: arent they spayed??
Gabz: nope.
Gabz: n'yet.
JPennant: uh-oh
Gabz: much to my dismay.
Gabz: so, i can't really throw them out.
Gabz: pooty heads.
JPennant: Didja see the PETA bad cats ad?
Gabz: no, i have to watch it. i hear it's funny
JPennant: Its only 15 seconds
JPennant: but you WILL spay your cat after :-)
Gabz: hahah
JPennant: http://www.adcritic.com/content/peta-bad-cats.html
Gabz: heheheh
JPennant: the music crax me up. :-)
Gabz: will have to convince the roomate to take care of her brats.
Gabz: before they become loose lil hussies.
JPennant: show her the ad. :-)
JPennant: "We got it goin on!"
Gabz: hahah!
Wednesday, March 07, 2001
In response to what I said about being poor, I had discussions with a few folk...
Me: I seriously dislike being poor
Kate: I know
And I do hate being poor. Having your options and freedom limited. And most recently - not having the wherewithal to even take folk out and pay the full tab.
Sux.
However, while talking to Mars later...
JPennant: Truthfully, I sorta enjoy being poor
JPennant: dont tell nobody :-)
mars: haha why?
JPennant: Its A Bad Thing to be poor in this day and age.
JPennant: My friends are about disgusted with me, cuz they know I can make a lot of money if I so desire.
mars: oh yeah i know. but why do you enjoy it?
JPennant: I guess because it forces you to keep life simple.
mars: true
Actually, its even deeper than that.. but it would probably require an essay to expound on that thought.
Rashid and I were talking about that the other night.. his desire to go back to Jacksonville, kick back and live a life that was simpler.
I know what he means.
I got to like being unemployed and poor back in Jax, and worked either only because I had to or because I liked what I was doing.
Not too different from now.
I really do prefer my life being simple.
JPennant: But..
JPennant: It truly sucks to be poor in an expensive area.
JPennant: and dangerous.
mars: don't remind me
JPennant: If youre gonna be poor.. be poor in someplace like Florida
mars: hahaha
mars: but why would i want to go there?
JPennant: where you can actually survive on 7 dollars an hour
mars: sooo far from home!
JPennant: Even Hawaii is expensive tho, right?
mars: yar
Its dangerous to want to lead the simple life in a places like New York and San Fran, where simply being poor can have some dire consequences. In a hurry.
But still...
JPennant: I stepped right into a recession when I left high school
mars: eek
JPennant: I think it scarred me and my friends for life.
mars: o.O
JPennant: Most of my peers are are earning decent money now, but I dont think they spend money like they think it'll last forever.
JPennant: Or like theyre entitled.
Then again, Im getting old.. Ive become a like a depression era baby. No, make that a recession-era baby.. who has learned to trust nothing but the cash and carry concept.
If I dont have the cash, I aint carrying.
Debit cards were made for me.
mars: how do you get by?
JPennant: Ive been poor before. I know how to make money last.
mars: if only i knew how
JPennant: You have to be poor
mars: i somehow talked myself into buying a new jacket today
mars: *hanging head in shame*
JPennant: You have to have had to do things like go pawn stuff to make the rent money
mars: ahh
mars: friends have done that before. =/
mars: i didn't know what pawn meant before that
mars: =/
Yep. Built a lotta character back then.
I may be afraid of being cold and hungry, but I know I can survive.
Thats an important skill I think.
mars: i read an article today that said that kids..er...my generation and such...expect to be successful and well off like their parents automatically [instead of being poor at first like their parents once were], thereby incurring debt at a horrendous rate early on. And then I thought "yeah, I should forego the niceties in some parts of my life and go the frugal path like my parents did when they were younger." But aish. its so hard!
JPennant: I dunno if thats really true
mars: i can see how its partially true
JPennant: how?
mars: i know some people my age that don't ever seem to have money problems...they always have nice things...never any financial hardship
mars: but then, i also have some friends that whooooo..they are struggling. one friend was selling plasma like every week
JPennant: heheh. I did that the first few years I was in florida :-)
mars: o.O
Jules of LA put it best when she was telling me about some of the stuff she had to do when she and her hubby were starving students..
> I love talking about our experiences being poor as
> if I were some war veteran. Heh.
Good way to put it. :-)
JPennant: I really think everyone should struggle on their own, without depending on anyone else's money for at least a part of their lives. Preferably sooner than later.
mars: yeah really. i think i'm bordering on it now. if i lost my job i'd be homeless soon. eek
mars: *knock on wood*
JPennant: Would that be so bad?
JPennant: Not being homeless..
JPennant: but the rest of it
mars: haha
mars: no, actually, it wouldn't
mars: but the incurring of debt and being homeless part scares me
JPennant: It also forces you to deal with yourself on a basic level.
JPennant: being poor that is.
mars: yeah.
mars: but my head just keeps saying "but i don't want to do just the basics!" lol
mars: i've gotten so spoiled. heh
JPennant: Yeah, thas why you gotta be forced to do it sometimes. :-)
mars: =)
Yeah. I may not like it now, but I know it does pay off in the long run....
What in Taurus??
To bring Cyn up to speed, I was talking about women I know with their Moon, Venus or Mars in Taurus.
My moon, which is supposed to represents your inner emotional, sensitive core, is in Taurus.
A Virgo Sun sign with a Taurus Moon, in simple terms.
Early on I learned that people with those placements also in Taurus, make me feel reassured, and in some cases, particularly if they two out of 3 there, will - oh yes - absolutely rock my world. :-)
They seem to be somewhat in tune with me on an emotional level.
And dear soul sistah .. you have yer Mars in Taurus.
Not at all a bad thing in my book. :-)
By the way.. Madonna has her Mars there too.. *cough* :-)
-----------
Tuesday, March 06, 2001
When you're writing, and into the flow.. its like.. youre surrounded by exquisite vapors, your mind engrossed in several thoughts, feelings and sensations all at once, reacting, doing, choosing deciding all at the same time.
So when Blogger chooses to EAT a particularly choice update that I did not think to copy before I posted it..
Grrrrr.
Although, to be fair - Dreamweaver has been known to munch my stuff on occasion...
-------------
mars: so what have you been up to lately?
JPennant: writing
mars: just staying indoors all during the "storm"?
JPennant: yup
mars: hehe. i'm jealous
JPennant: lol
mars: how's your comfort food?
JPennant: Hm.. the KFC is done, Im halfway thru the Keeblers fudge grahams...
mars: mmmmm
JPennant: Ive finished half a bottle of the raspberry preserves on the fresh bagels
JPennant: Had some of the Entenmann's Carrot Cake
mars: man! i think we should get a huge blizzard here some time
JPennant: hehehe :-)
Sue Simmons, the irreverent doyen of TV anchors in New York (still cute after all these years) properly summarised the storm-that-wont-go-away-and didnt-meet-expectations-and-hype as -:
"The Storm That Got On Our Nerves".
------
Im fucking fooling myself
What I really want to do is get paid for writing about what I observe and what I see.
Yeah, me and everybody else in New York buddy. Get in line.
I wanna be another Mike Royko, frankly.
I have an idea of what I want to do for the long term, but short-term income?
Right now, Im at a loss at what Im gonna do.
And its frustrating.
-------------
I may really be a New Yorker now.
Whenever I see a TV show about new York, I notice whats on screen and if it matches 'reality'.
Rich and I caught a trailer for the upcoming DeNiro flick 15 Minutes, while watching NYPD Blue.
We noted that all the cabs were Chevy Caprices.
Same thing with NYPD Blue, all the cars were caprices too.. using old footage, thinking people wont know the difference.
It makes the show look dated.
You would have to look long and hard to find a Caprice cab or patrol car nowadays.
Most of them having been destroyed on the streets of NY.
Nowadays, its almost all Crown Vics or Chevy Impalas (for patrol cars).
NYPD looks grimy enuff, but you can tell now all the shooting is done on sets in california.
The actors all have that hollywood sheen, that they lose when they live in NY. Cant fake it.
For proof, look at Spin City - production having moved from New York to Cali when Michael J left.
Never mind that the jokes are all "What we THINK New York is like".. but the details.
The cast is no longer fondling those ubiquitous-to-NY 'greek' or blue, red, purple 10-ounce coffee cups like their lives depend on it.
Or ad libs like
"The Mayor was seen handing money to a prostitute."
"Whats wrong with dat?"
*pause*
"Somebody please tell this woman what life is like OUTSIDE of Brooklyn."
Details like that. :-)
---------------
Today, I hauled out my trusty old Toshiba T4900CT and wrote.
Its been through hell, as I lent it to my brothers to learn as well as had it as a testing machine for TSC.
The battery is dead, its only got 16 megs of RAM, and an 850 meg hard drive.
Shit, Im still running Office 4.3 on it.
Its worth between 200 and 350 bux.
To upgrade it with a bigger hard drive, more RAM and a new battery would cost about that.
I would rather buy a more powerful one..
Ive got my eye on the listings for Toshiba 7000CT's and G3 Powerbooks on e-bay.. the best place to find cheap laptops nowadays.
But there's nuthing wrong with this beastie.
I want laptops so I can run the Ricochet service as well as use it with wireless networks at home.
Actually, I could do it with this one. Its still powerful enough and runs clean.
Being poor makes ya look at whats necessary, not what youd like.
-----
Yep, its almost spring
The snow is flying sideways outside, but its definitely a spring storm, as the temperature is above freezing, with the big, fat snowflakes flying around, sticking and covering, but allowing the ground to peek through.
Its pretty outside.
I guess this is better than having to dig out from under a blizzard.
---------
Song Im humming: "Shoo Fly Pie" by Dinah Shore.
All day long, and I dont think I'll be able to stop.........
----------
Mail from one of my favorite people.. Poo in Nova Scotia
> It's been great to read your updates each day with
> my coffee; I spend an hour
> or so on the computer before I go to work. Starts
> my day just right.
> Glad you opened yourself up: it may be wasted on the
> young cuz they really have
> no cloo what they want.
Wise and comforting these folk with their placements in Taurus (Cyn, Poo, Lily, Carol...) are.
My secret wish is to marry a woman with that combo. :-)
Theyre worth it.
-----------------
Monday, March 05, 2001
This isnt meant to be poetic.
Its a stream of rumination.
From the get-go, it was apparent to all it wasnt a perfect fit..
But to me, it did.
Things were locking into place with breathtaking accuracy.
If I tried to peer around the corners of my awareness to see what was up ahead
I could see that this person wasnt going to be a part of my life in the forseeable future.
Just the near future. But not beyond that.
It didnt fit.
Yet, it fit.
It was vitally important that I open that window.
The Voice told me to do it, that it was all good if I did..
Not that my wishes would come true, but that in doing so, it was all good.
It made perfect sense, but didnt hold up under analysis.
I was told to let go, see what would happen, go with the flow.
So, I reluctantly aceded.
I was aware, I was right, but I was confused - even though it passed the truth test for me.
I didnt open the window all the way.
An instinct, a voice if you will, told me I needed to save a little bit for myself.
That was just common sense speaking though.
But I couldnt let common sense interfere with what I needed to have faith in
To my friends, they felt i was being naive, foolish.
She herself even told me she was not worthy.
So I asked The Voice again.
It said again, its all good.
So I decided to have faith.
Crushing issues reared up, demanding my attention.
I needed to concentrate on them.
There was a reason I had neglected them, because something was missing.
Something vital.
So, it would be futile to deal with those issues, while this, something, was unresolved.
Because the most important thing was to open that window.
I needed to do that before I could make any progress.
At the end of a year, it felt like I had made great progress.
My folk around me saw nonesuch.
By their standards, I was poor, itinerant and besotted with some girl.
True.
But I felt I was better off in very important ways.
Even though I would not consciously choose where I am right now
I am exactly where Im supposed to be.
I can now move forward.
The issue has been partly resolved.
Opening the window has allowed something important to start flowing.
I truly believe in the concept of congruence.
Things coming together.
Passing the test of truth.
Years ago, I had gone through a similiar experience.
Things were congruent, and yet it wasnt meant to be.
Or so I thought.
I look back many moons later, and I realize the direction of my life changed drastically because of her.
She was not just a catalyst.
She was THE catalyst of my adulthood, affecting my life to this day.
It was meant to be.
However, I never saw her again after that period of my life passed.
To have faith is to learn not to fight the flow of life.
To release your fears and to accept what is, is NOT easy.
Hard as hell.
As times got tough recently, I asked how I was going to get over the hump.
This time, The Voice, instead of telling me, "Its all good" said
"You will get past this. You will LIKE what happens after all this".
Interesting.
And so far, I have been provided everything Ive needed.
I had to have faith in the flow.
Very interesting.
Even though it still doesnt make total sense to my logical mind.
Shit. Why do I listen to a voice that is in my mind?
I may be crazy, but it has the sincere ring of truth to it.
Ive come to trust that voice over the years. Many years. It has never steered me wrong.
Its a paradox.
To accept what is, makes it seem like you have no choice.
But you do have choices.
You can choose to go with the flow, or try something else.
Eventually Ive found that, although it is actually harder to go with the flow.. it turns out to be the easier way in the long run.
And you do have to choose.
Otherwise you keep ending up, coming back around, having to deal with yourself.
Do you know what you choose is the right thing to do?
That, you can never be sure of.
You can only hope.
You can never be sure what you do is the right thing.
You'll only know when you look back on the road youve travelled.
And yet you do know.
You cannot avoid what is true.
You just have to have the faith to accept what is.
And go with the flow.
I know I did the right thing to open that window and accept what was given to me.
Yeah, and so far, it's been all good.
-------------
Jules of NY: are u ready for the big storm? :-)
JPennant: pshaah
JPennant: been fooled before.
JPennant: I wanted The Big One
Jules of NY: lol
Jules of NY: it may very well still be
JPennant: a lousy 6 or 8 inches
Jules of NY: however how many inches it takes to keep me home, i'm happy :-)
JPennant: I wanted frikkin SNOW DRIFTS
Jules of NY: i hear ya
Jules of NY: it would've been freakin cool
JPennant: I know. I had my stories and lies all prepared for the future.
Jules of NY: u could still lie LOL
Jules of NY: i wont bust ya ;-)
JPennant: "Fuckin snow was over my HEAD"
Jules of NY: ooh, me and u can lie
Jules of NY: then its more believable ;-)
JPennant: The one where the Brooklyn Bridge was blocked by icebergs??
Jules of NY: yea
Jules of NY: i can change that newspaper headline with photoshop
Jules of NY: what should be the headline
JPennant: hee hee
Jules of NY: we evil
JPennant: very fun :-)
JPennant: *sigh*
JPennant: I want a blizzard
JPennant: Like lookin at Hustler an Juggs, I want the real thing afterward.
Jules of NY: bahahaha
Eman was in town over the weekend to visit his mom...
JPennant: Poor thing
Cris: haha
JPennant: Freezing, cold, gray.. all that. :-)
Cris: I got enough of that when I was younger.
JPennant: hear dat
---------------------
Eman: Sup pops....?
JPennant: nuttin
Eman: NY still SUCKS!!
JPennant: I heard :-)
Eman: I got in and got out as fast as I could
JPennant: aw
Eman: mom is okay for 70
JPennant: cool. good to hear
Eman: thanks
Eman: is it still snowing??
JPennant: nope
JPennant: light rain
Eman: had some flurries when i landed
JPennant: stopped
Eman: are you battening down the hatches for the storm
JPennant: nah. the storm went upstate
Eman: really??
JPennant: yep
Eman: headed for Albany...?
JPennant: 2 feet of snow
Eman: ouch
JPennant: we'll get some Im sure
Eman: .ya
JPennant: but not as much as expected
Eman: well whatever you do stay warm...
JPennant: mp3's booming, stocked up on comfort food. Im good.
Eman: hahahhah
--------------
Mp3's looped an' booming:
Wild Cherry - Play That Funky Music (White Boy)
Young MC - Bust a Move
Will Smith - Miami
Taste of Honey - Boogie Oogie Oogie
Cheryl Lynn - To Be Real
Vicki Sue Robinson - Turn The Beat Around
Da Brat - Funkdafied (Radio version)
Digital Underground - Humpty Dance
EU - Da Butt
Kool Moe Dee - How Ya Like Me Now
MC Hammer - U Cant Touch This
The Pharcyde - Passin' Me By
The Art of Noise -Beat Box (Diversion One)
--------------
Fishie = Pisces
Gabz: boo
JPennant: well hey there
JPennant: hows my fishie doin? :-)
Gabz: fishie is feelin' like swimmin upstream
JPennant: aw
Gabz: i mean, it's a good thing...but, just tired.
Gabz: that's all.
JPennant: throw away the pager. :-)
Gabz: if i had one i would.
JPennant: I tink you need to get in touch wit your inner snowboarder soon.
Gabz: i am this weekend.
Gabz: me and my board are taking friday off.
JPennant: good deal :-)
Gabz: and how are YOU doing?
JPennant: fine un dandy. :-)
JPennant: apart from needing a copious amount of cash and a copious amount of the nasty.. its all copacetic. :-)
Gabz: LOL.
JPennant: :-)
Sunday, March 04, 2001
"We wuz robbed."
Seminal events like Chicago's 79 blizzard, or the 'Storm of the Century' from the years 1948, 1960 and 1996.
A storm of the kind that people still make movies and write books about.
But no.
Sunday morning, slack-jawed and disbelieving, we listened to the forecast on New York 1, telling us that the deeply anticipated blizzard wasnt going to be.
Upstate New York was gonna get our promised 2 feet of snow instead as the storm tracked up the coast rather than going out to sea as expected.
WTF?!!! Who the fuck CARES about upstate?!!! We were PROMISED a show!!!
So, we were left looking forlornely at our supplies of comfort food, sitting there stacked in piles waiting for the several days of idleness for when the awaited Nor'easter shut down the city.
Instead we got snow that has barely made a trace, a half inch at best to this point, melting on the warm and heavily salted streets.
Sure, they promise copious amounts of snow, wind, floody and stinky weather for the next few days. But it's not the same.
We wuz robbed of a blizzard of a lifetime.
Dammit.
----------------
Stocking up for the blizzard
- Cans of Campbells chunky soup
- OJ
- Sardines, Hash Browns
- Bagels, Potato Bread, Chocolate Muffins
- Raspberry Preserves
- Soy Milk
Oh, and an Entenmanns Carrot Cake.
I thought long and hard, with Carol and other blizzard-shoppers in line with us saying I didnt need all that fatty goodness.
I pointed out that "Carrots" was fourth in the ingredient list.. proof positive that it was indeed good for me.
I want to be zoned out in a blizzard.
Even late at night, the shelves were picked clean of milk, bread and meats as people are frantically stocking up.
Carol and Rich entertained me on tales about how the Blizzard of 96 shut down Staten Island solid with drifts feet high.
Even though the storm is moving far more slowly than expected, so may not start until Monday, I am looking forward to some serious white stuff.
Rich is hoping it'll be here in time, and come with enuff force - that he wont have to go into work.
He intends to be throwing snow-balls at the snow-plow drivers.
Actually, tonight we drove by lines of city trucks, fitted with deep plows as well as some heavy duty chains, parked and ready to move out before the snow hits.
That is the first time ever Ive seen chains on any vehicles in this state.
Yeah, theyre expecting the Big One.
-----------------
I was telling George about how Americans would, and do, fake Jamaican accents and heritage to get impressionable females to bed.
To give him an example, I told him about the shennanigans perpetrated at the Wild Hare reggae club in Chicago, where men (and women) would try to pass themselves off as being from the caribbean to get with the young coeds who pack the place every weekend.
It worked very well.
> I remember the Wild Hare. That movie "Love Jones"?
> I had no idea that was what went on there.
> The nerve of some folks, and all for the sake of
> some nay-nay.
Heheh.
Uhmm, yeah.. A good way to put it. :-)
Saturday, March 03, 2001
HeeeHeeeeeeee *pound* *pound*
Whooo. :-)
For a quiet middle-aged woman living out in the woods of Quebec.. Marn makes me pee my pants with a far-too disturbing regularity...
Dear Diary:
Nobody wants to make me their bitch, eh.
I am so depressed.
I know this has nothing to do with My Life in the Wilds of New York City, but ..... :-)
--------------
A sign of spring..
I even saw a Blue Jay among the crowds of starlings searching the still-brown grass and dried leaves for food.
Its nearly 50 degrees outside.
They'll stick around, even with the snowstorm. Because they know, that too will pass.
I think Im gonna go out, take advantage of the warmth before the storm, get a few supplies and grab a cuppa Starbux.
Mmm. I wish the camera was working, but ah well.
---------------
Tricianna found this treasure...
Within this treasure Ive been browsing, I found:
...but I have no money.
I like having no money.
I do not like having no money.
I only like to have contempt for people who have a great deal of money and are unhappy even so, or are happy with money in a way that I find contemptible.
- Jamaica Kincaid
Gad. I identify, but I wish I didnt.
And this is what Ive discovered these last few years as I write and take photographs..
The primary benefit of practicing any art, whether well or badly, is that it enables one's soul to grow.
- Kurt Vonnegut
True dat.
Friday, March 02, 2001
Random bits. Bullets, if you will...
That person wrote:
> Hey, ...i don't remember how I
> found your site, but i
> think you write well, and you tell good stories.
> plus, i love hearing about
> new york because i enjoy it so much.
Nothing about pictures. Thank you boss.
It's sort of a pet complex of mine.. but the joy of doing this is the chance to do some writing, no matter how idiosyncratic my style.
To me the pictures arent the point.
Yes, good folk like Lissa and Brian do give me high, madd praise for my writing - but I would honestly like to be recognized more for my writing than for the pictures I take.
So, thank you Greg.
- Today, I helped someone get some of their faith back by showing a little faith in them.
Sweet. :-)
It wasnt a big deal for me, but it was nice to see them get inspired because someone validated what they already know to be true.
That helped my own faith. :-)
- Good god, this winter will *not* end.
SPECIAL WEATHER STATEMENT NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE NEW YORK NY
1025 PM EST FRI MAR 2 2001
...THERE IS A POTENTIAL FOR A MAJOR WINTER STORM FROM LATE SUNDAY THROUGH TUESDAY...
...SYNOPSIS...
THIS NOREASTER HAS THE POTENTIAL TO PRODUCE HEAVY SNOW...GALE FORCE WIND SPEEDS AND COASTAL FLOODING FROM SUNDAY NIGHT POSSIBLY THROUGH EARLY TUESDAY.
BASED ON THE CURRENT FORECAST...SNOW IS EXPECTED TO SPREAD NORTHEAST ACROSS THE REGION BY SUNDAY AFTERNOON. THIS STORM HAS THE POTENTIAL FOR PRODUCING AT LEAST 10 INCHES OF SNOW THROUGHOUT THE REGION.
THIS COULD BECOME A DANGEROUS NOREASTER.
Translation: This will be a Blizzard that may go down as one of the biggest in the last 40 years.
Gurghh. Id better go stock up on soy milk, beef patties KFC chicken and candles today.
Lemme repeat:
Good god, this winter will *not* end.
---------------------------
Today's horrorscope:
It's not like you to keep looking back, but according to your chart, you are still brooding on things that are over and done with.
You may have good reason to feel you were mistreated, but you cannot go back and change the past.
You can only try to make sure the future is different.
Normally, Id go lose myself in my work. But, I have nothing engaging right now.. except for the need to provide an income.
As Judge Joe Brown would say.. "You got off cheap, son. Recognize it an' get on with yer life."
----------------
Ive known Fred for years now, but she didnt have my current IM name, so recently she asked for it.
Since we have never actually talked on IM - I gave her my AIM rules:
- I will almost never talk to someone first.
Although the reason is to ostensibly give people space.. It goes back to my state of mind.
If someone doesnt wanna talk and acts nasty about it, that is almost due cause for that person to be on my shitlist.
If that person acts like Im stalking them or something.. (and it has happened) .....oooh, they've gone and massaged a REAL sensitive spot o' mine..
I DONT like people thinking that Im inclined to give unwanted attention. Ever.
No matter what they do after that, I will always treat that person like a drunken suspect, if I think of them at all.
So yeah, even if I see you online.. Im not gonna start a convo unless there is a good reason.
Actually, thats about my only AIM 'rule', which I disregard on occasion.
Most folk on my list are cool wid dat.
---------------
With a start, I recognized a reason why Im not rich.
I'd rather not work with assholes.
A friend called me up yesterday about setting up an interstate network/extranet/vpn for a physician's office.
Right up my alley, even tho I said Im getting away from that kinda work.
Because he is a friend, I started to entertain the idea.. the lure of a decent paycheck, travel and free laptop dancing in my head.
Then he said the wrong thing to me. Being a pompous ass.
He's asking for my help and he's acting like an asshole.
At that point, Im thinking - fuck this.
I may need the money, and even tho it would be a healthy chunk of change.. Im not gonna put myself through this kinda crap again.
Eventually, he clocked onto the fact that my enthusiasm had cooled considerably, and asked if his attitude had spoiled it.
I told him bluntly, I didnt need the grief. No amount is worth it.
I'd give him my opinion if asked, but that would be the extent of it. I would not be working with him.
His feelings were hurt.. but fuckit. He'll get over it.
If I were young and ignorant, it'd be one thing.. but as god is my witness, I will never again hesitate to walk away from what I know will be a clusterfuck.
I know better.
---------------------------
Thursday, March 01, 2001
Noooo. Wasnt thinking of you when I wrote about my pet peeve against all the dreads stylin popping up around the world.. usually by folk ignorant of its significance.
That outburst came the same day as I stood in line surrounded by literally 10 folk with 3-foot dread extensions.
Unwashed dread extensions.
How can I tell? Real dreadlocks take commitment, dreadlocks that length would take 3 or 5 years (or more) to grow.
After months of seeing the explosion of braided, distressed hair-extensions.. Im sorry.. my years-old irritation boiled up.
Ive HAD this opinion/peeve for many, many years now, as Rashid will tell ya, way before dreads-maintenance was standard at the "Oh My Nappy Head" salon.
Why? I dont really ken onto the Rastafari/Coptic faith, and the Old Testament, "Jah is King" mumblings sometimes makes my eyes glaze over..
But
As the old saying goes, "You can laugh at a man's religion, but never ever laugh at a man's faith."
I RESPECT folk who, as a symbol of their faith, refuse to conform to demands that they look, act and walk a certain way.
Fuckers have been killed for having those seemingly low-maintenance dreadlocks. Not just laughed at, discriminated, disowned, locked-up, persecuted and scorned - killed.
Decades before it became fashionable.
Although I dont believe Bob Marley had any real articles of faith, (I never liked the fucker after he impregnated scores of women not his wife, one of whom was my grade school girlfriend.. and my father arrested his ass countless times for petty larceny..) he did adopt the dreads as a symbol of a much greater struggle.
(Although it partly gave him a raison d'etre to smoke weed copiously and publicly..)
Not because its a low-maintenance, cool style.
No, George - I wasnt thinking of you when I expressed my opinion - but my peeve runs deep.
Its not really a 'Jamaican', 'you must be genuine' thing.
All I ask is for people to understand where it is coming from.
------------------
Wednesday, February 28, 2001
Random thoughts
- Uh, Winnie? Happy Birthday, luv.
The process of having to work to contact ya, sorta weeds out the idjits..
You meet a better grade of folk that way, Ive found.
- I went to Chinatown, got some soy milk at Cyn's favorite soy shoppe. (@ Lafayette & Canal).
Not ez to find on Staten Island.
Later that evening, the fine people at Canal Fun looked at me funny when I ordered roast pork fried rice... as if "you cant be serious".
Nope. You get the best fried rice in Chinatown... so what if Im being a tourist?
- Link by George
According to this site, the Number 1 US Hit song on the day I was born was "Where Did Our Love Go" by the Supremes.
Oooh. Love that song. Not a big fan of Ms. Ross, but I love that song.
The #1 song in the UK was.... "Have I The Right" by The Honeycombs.
Huh? Hmm.. I'll have to see if its on Napster...
- The weather woman on Channel 4 said "As spring gets nearer, it just gets colder."
Aint THAT the f&#^%$^ truth.
Man, by mid-february, the hedges are in full bloom down in Jacksonville.
Im starting to look at Florida in a whole new light.
By the time I let HappyCat back into the house this afternoon, he was a VERY cold an' miserable camper.
When I let myself OUT of the house this afternoon, I was a very cold and unhappy camper.
- I had just gotten off IM with Gigi (who lives and works in the Seattle), and as I walked outta the the study ten minutes later.. CNN was showing live pictures of the aftermath of the earthquake there.
No way I was gonna be able to raise her on IM.
Good to hear, she was ok.
- Thank you to my newest faithful readers who have made it possible by linking me from their blogs...
To have a whole bunch of THEIR faithful readers traipse through, leaving mud all over my nice clean site.
Thanks Tim and Emily. :-)
------------------------
I hated tea.
I used to wrinkle my nose at it when Ma would put a hot steaming cup in front of me ever since I can remember.
Therefore I was the one who always got an ice-cube in my cuppa.
Even now, Ma will force a vile concoction of condensed milk and some unkown, generic brand of leaf upon me every time I visit.
She is absolutely convinced that a daily cuppa is the secret to a long and healthy life.
I still could do without. I only drank it because her feelings would be hurt if I didnt.
Nowadays, since Ive been hepped to the therapuetic values of green tea, I drink it daily.
Jules of LA asks:
> Good god, what do you eat all that honey on?
Tea.
It makes Green Tea palatable.
I dont use sugar anymore. And this raw honey makes me feel good.
Otherwise, Ive never really liked honey either....
------------
Sistah Cyn.. thanks honey. :-)
---------
Tuesday, February 27, 2001
Tisha was right..
JPennant: hola
tisha: how're you?
JPennant: doin good here
tisha: mr. busyman :-)
JPennant: heh
tisha: eat something first... or else you'll run out of energy.. :-)
I crashed, and hard, after 7pm.
I struggled to stay awake, but my body wasnt having any of it. So I stayed unconscious until midnight.
Of course, by midnight, my mind is working a mile a minute again.
I feel like Im in the Arctic Circle, running on a manic sleep cycle during the long daylight hours.
I would love to visit Alaska.
Out of all the college recruiting letters I got in High School - the ones from Anchorage and Juneau still stick in my mind.
Although then, I thought it was ludicrous they expected me to go to school and live up there.. I think my curiousity was piqued.
I still read, with interest, articles about Alaska. I used to marvel at the location shots of Alsaka from Northern Exposure.
I occasionally wonder what it would be like to live up there.
The Trans-Continental Highway is on my list of great North American driving trips I want to take before I go exploring the rest of the world.
I would love to meet the schoolteacher whom I adjusted her connections so that she could stay online through her satellite uplink during arctic solar radiation storms.
Prolly has broadband access now.
Never will I forget her telling me of having to send a kid out to shoo the Polar Bears before she could send the rest of the kids out for recess.
Yeah, I still occasionally wonder.
------------
HappyCat is mewling outside the study.
He got put outside. For what transgression, I dont know, because I was unconscious.
Prolly clawing the furniture and the carpets, which pisses off Rich no end, as he never touches his scratching post. Never..
The last time, I brought him back in when I heard him mewling. This time, I'll let Rich decide as to when he gets back in.
Its not my cat. Not my house.
And its chilly outside.
------------
Oh yeah.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATWOMAN!!!
There is only one Kate S as far as Im concerned. :-)
There can only be one, who is my current Pisces angel in the long line of fishies who have taken turns to watch over my silly ass...
------------
When the planet Mercury goes retrograde, or appears to reverse its forward motion (an optical illusion), astrologers advise that communicating and thinking becomes difficult. Things are likelier to go haywire because of miscommunication.
Makes you feel like youre under a cloud, according to astrologically aware folk, so try to avoid making important decisions during that time.
That period ended yesterday.
I figure no matter what, you have to deal - but this morning its as if someone snapped a switch and my mind is working a mile a minute.
This may last a good, oh 3 hours or so. So, Im taking care of biz and multitasking like mad.
My outlook has prolly been helped by the recalcitrant client finally coughing up the cash she owed me.
After I threatened to sue, naturally.
Anyway, the sun is bright and Im rocking to a non-matching mix of mp3's picked under the guidance of "Eh, what the fuck..."
George Clinton - Atomic Dog (Extended Mix)
Digital Underground- Sex Packets
Falco - Rock Me Amadeus
Heiroglyphics - The Who
Nina - 99 Luftballoons (German)
Ol' Dirty Bastard - Shimmy Shimmy Ya
SNAP - Rythm is a Dancer
Tone Loc - Wild Thing
Tony Toni Tone - If I Had No Loot
----------------
Monday, February 26, 2001
HappyCat is definitely glad to see me back at the ranch, circling and nuzzling between my legs like a chirping, purring, furry eel.
And then jumping into my arms for some love. A two-step process actually, leaping into my lap then clambering up to rest his paws and head on my shoulder, all without extending his claws.
No easy feat that.
After 10 minutes of having under his chin scratched, he jumped out of my arms and disappeared to the comforters.
Im nae fooled.. he'll be back in 20 minutes to get me to bed.
Sorta good to be home, but this isnt my home.
---------------
Other folk have sounded a tad defensiveabout it, weakening their opinion.
Without doing that, I think she hits the nail on the head about the subject, as well as putting further insight on the matter:
> I feel the overwhelming desire to respond to your blog entry, probably because you said lots of other people were.
>
> I'll be the first to admit that I like a guy with money, it just makes
> things sooo much easier and we can generally relate better.
> Call me stuck-up, but I like a man who doesn't have to rely on
> others or is always scraping by. But anyhow.
>
> What I think is more important than money is
> Success. I think that women
> instinctively look for a man with success. Money is
> good, but, success is
> better. A college professor, passionate about his
> job, loving life and
> everyone around him, but making chump change is much
> more attractive than a
> boy who is making money, but has no education and
> doesn't know how long his
> success will last. Money shouldn't be the issue,
> success should.
>
> And with that, I gotta get back to work *sigh*
Well said. Thanks hon. :-)
As a genuine, glad-to-see-YOU smile makes me weak in the knees, I am a sucker for voices.
Thats one reason I like traveling the country.. I am just fascinated by regional differences in voices and accents.
I walked into the local bagel shop a block from the ferry around lunch hour this morning and just listened to the voices..
"Hey, a parmegan on a hero wit lettuce dere johnny."
"Youse want a pickle wit dat?"
"Yeah"
"Hey listen, you put it in d'ere AFTER da cup.. you want salt an pepper wid dat?"
"Yeah. Oh yeah. Beyooty."
Beauty. I like that.
The day, after the rain and fog of yesterday, is clear and breezy, forecast to turn windy later.
I just stood on top of the hill and watch the ferry cleave the blue of the bay, the skyline bright against the cold, but bright mid-day sun.
The breeze cleared all the haze, and I could see all the way up the Hudson to the mountains.
The pretty young things walked by, said hello (they do that in Staten Island, more readily than in the city anyway).
I enjoyed it all.
Beyooty.
-------------
Ive been getting a mild amount of flack for what I said about women seeking a good catch or security.
To paraphrase what I said:
"The reality is most women look for men who have good prospects and look like they can take care of themselves."
Now, some folk thought I meant I didnt like it.
No, all I said was Im not at that point right now, therefore Im not a good catch at this present time, as experiences over the last two years have taught me.
Everyone who responded also said... most women arent about money, that it isnt the major factor for what they look for in a person.
Shoot, Im not damning every woman.
But..
The reality is that IS a factor, whether or not they'd want to admit it out loud. Particularly if they think they have choices.
It may not be the only factor, but it almost always is a factor in deciding about someone.
She told me I was deluding myself about her.
No, the fact was - I was deluding myself about myself and where I need to be.
Thats all it comes down to.
There will be more on this subject, Im sure.
---------
Sunday, February 25, 2001
Virgo 101
Jules of LA writes:
> AAAARGH!!! Okay, I give up. *waving white flag*
> You're being too cryptic for me.
>
> I'm going to stop analyzing you now. :-P
She is being unknowingly ironic, Virgo's being past masters at analyzing EVERYTHING to death....
Editor's note: At that point, blogger craps out for the rest of the evening. After several unsuccessful attempts to recreate my "Only Virgos understand us Virgos" rant, I go snooze on the couch with Moo sprawled out on my belly, the History channel and the rain playing as background noise...
Mmm, umm.. there was a point to this, and a reason it was brought up..
Eh, ferk it.. I fergit what I was about to say....doesnt make any sense now.
---------------------
Lazy evening...
Gabz: hey..
JPennant: hey honey
Gabz: howzit?
JPennant: bored, hmm?
Gabz: me? naw...
JPennant: jest hangin out, eh?
Gabz: yah.. watching the simpsons
JPennant: damn. missed it. Me and the cat were out on the couch, sleeping to the sound of the History Channel
Gabz: aw!!
Gabz: cute!
JPennant: This has been a nice 'vacation' of sorts for me.
JPennant: Nothing to do cept feed the kitty.
JPennant: Rainy day
Gabz: aw!
JPennant: yup
JPennant: Heh. By the way, I have a semi-like thing going on for a NY web chica
JPennant: Im not even sure why
Gabz: ooh! :-)
JPennant: First time ever Ive ever wanted to go out with someone Ive only known online (present company excepted, but youre just so all sexy, so its a given all men want you)
Gabz: oh stop....
JPennant: Its troo. :-)
JPennant: Anyway :-)
Gabz: heheh...
JPennant: ooh, Julie busted my chops a bit for it :-)
Gabz: go jules.
JPennant: lol :-)
JPennant: Im gonna start looking for an apt in this area.
JPennant: I like the view and the closeness to the ferry.
JPennant: Oh man, I love it. Pea-soup fog with the smell of the sea :-)
JPennant: <-- just looked out the window
Gabz: ooh...that's sooo nice! like from a book.
JPennant: yeah, I think this would be a perfect place to be a writer.
JPennant: Part of NYC, but quiet
Gabz: ah
Gabz: nice.
JPennant: For Staten Island, this is a bad neighborhood, but for New York.. this is the suburbs.
JPennant: It helps that New Yorkers think there is nothing but a landfill to Staten Island and wonder why its even a borough. :-)
Gabz: :-)
JPennant: I love the view though. To my right is all of Brooklyn laid out
Gabz: gotta love that.
JPennant: To my left is the Manhattan Skyline above the bay.
JPennant: Of course, the visibility is like 50 feet right now. :-)
Gabz: hehe
JPennant: aw damn, the cold air came in and the fog blew out.
JPennant: well, now the visibility is 100 yards
JPennant: so you can hear the fog horns of the ferry and the tugboats.
Gabz: nice!
Gabz: k, i'm gonna go eat a salad. :-)
JPennant: okie. enjoy..
----------------
Saturday, February 24, 2001
From a recent entry in Erm's brit-based journal...
*Trustafarian - a young member of the idle rich, usually slumming it on mummy and daddy's money. Lucky bastards. 
Just the imagery has me dying laffing, seeing the clueless trustafarians of NYU hang about Union Square and the West Village.. :-)
Actually, I have a pet peeve about non-rastafarians wearing dreads.
I have always hated seeing increasing numbers of folk wearing dread styles and extensions.
And most of them have not a frikkin clue as to the significance of it.
It used to be mostly folk down with Bob Marley and intellectuals looking for a distinctive cachet.. now you cant walk the streets of NY without being whipped about the face with variations on the braided 'dreads' theme.
They dont realize the struggles and grief people had to go through just to be able to live wearing that expression of their religious beliefs.
And by the way, a word for some of those folk wearing them.. the scriptures said that the locks were to be uncut and uncombed, but didnt say 'unwashed', aright?
Moo's reputation preceded her.
Carol warned me.. "She's not a lap cat.."
Other folk had less flattering things to say about the legendary Moo.
So by the time I came over to house-sit and cat-sit Carol's cat.. I already had a plan of action:
I was gonna treat her like any other difficult woman....
I was gonna ignore her.
NO attempts to get near her.
NO attempts at affection.
I wasnt even gonna talk to her.
At first.. Moo was cool wid dat.
Then she saw I was dead serious, as I went about my business. I showed not one bit of interest.
By the night, she was starved for attention and not a happy camper.
She showed her displeasure as only a cat can.
Then meowled to get my attention
I stoically cleaned up the mess without an admonishing word. I kept ignoring her.
That scared her. She meowled some more, then after I closed the bedroom door, I didnt hear from her all night.
When I woke up, I didnt see her, until I searched in the closets and she streaked out.
I was so obviously a monster, she just looked at me and didnt even meowl.
Good. When theyre scared and confused - its time to switch tactics.
I put my hand down to her level as a peace offering, then sat down in Carol's favorite chair.
She eyed me, padded up and over for a bit - then came up beside me.
The cat who doesnt let anyone touch her was now ALL affectionate, pressed up against me, showing how cuddly New Yorkers can be once they get to know you.
I had never heard this cat purr before, was now purring as I had my hand deep in her fur, all over her, clouds of hair rising up around us as her tail whipped maddly.
Yo, I had my hand on her STOMACH yo.
No CAT will let you do that.
Of course, as with women - the battle of wills is never over.. but fer now, Moo is all comfy again, coming up to me as I write and at ease in her house.
Hey, she even jumped into my lap for some love.
Not a lap cat, eh.
--------------------------
Friday, February 23, 2001
PETA's Bad Cats Public Service announcement ad...
JT: frighteningly amusing.
JPennant: aint it tho :-)
You aint gonna see this one on TV..
JPennant: <-- playing The Afros - Feel It
Glinnessa: lol
*bobbing head, imaginary 2-foot high afro waving in the breeze*
---------------
Going thru Carol's mp3's..
No, no, no, no..
If youre gonna download the stuff ya see I listen to - get the RIGHT ones.. sheesh
The Art of Noise's Beat Box f'rinstance. NOT the crappy bass driven US version.. but the 12 inch (8 1/2 minute) classically driven European version thats called Beat Box - Diversion I. MUCH better.
Da Brat's Funkdafied?. The cleaned up radio version is MUCH smoother.
Sheesh.. *flip.. toss*
------------
"And those?"
"Oh, those are the high-class donuts.. theyre 85 cents.."
"High class, huh"
"Yeah theyre the special ones."
"Uh-huh."
Maybe it was the glossy dark chocolate.. but I fell for it. I bought one with the decaf.
This donut shop (yay) is at the foot of the hill from Carol's house where Im house-sitting her cat for the weekend...
Great view of the harbor.
*munch* I think the master baker that produced these 'high-class' donuts goes by the name of Entenmanns.....
Intake of breath
Just for clarity's sake, sometimes I wish I could seperate my feelings from thoughts, as its hard as hell to handle my emotions.
I need a girlfriend.
Sex is almost the least of why that is.
Im sick and tired of having to be prepared to not give a shit.
Now, I do have great folk near and far who give me luv and comfort and who have my back.. but at the end of the day, I live my life and they live theirs.
Which means, I have to purge the feelings because that would mean I would be crossing friendship barriers and all.
I cant escape being a Virgo.. but even folk as stubbornly self-reliant as we are need that singular love and comfort.
The hard reality, taught to me again this past year is that most women are looking for - to use a quaint term -a good catch.
(Convo the other day)
kate: you cant put it down to all just money..ok that is not fair
JPennant: No, that is the hard reality hon.
JPennant: Its not all money, but you make the choices as to what you feel is best, ultimately.
JPennant: I'll try to get my shit together so that folk wont feel like that theyre taking a chance on me, and they could do better.
JPennant: It was J that made me appreciate this.
JPennant: 'It is about the money, honey'
kate: hmm
kate: see i disagree
kate: i dont think it is about the money
kate: yeah of course it is nice to have money and throw it around
kate: but, THAT is not why people choose to be with others (unless they are cold, goldiggers)
JPennant: True. But that is a BIG reason
kate: some people are like that
JPennant: The point is
JPennant: when youre picking a romantic partner
JPennant: they preferably have to be able to take care of themselves and have decent prospects.
JPennant: right?
kate: yes
JPennant: that was the issue with me, hon.
JPennant: Everything else simply couldnt get past that.
Yep.
Part of aiming to become a better man.
Thursday, February 22, 2001
Staten Island, NY (10303)
WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY UNTIL 500 AM EST FRIDAY
...
Today: Cloudy with occasional snow showers. High 26. Winds SE 5 to 10 mph.
Snow accumulations of 1 to 3 inches.
Tonight: Cloudy with snow. Low 24. Winds NE 5 to 10 mph.
Snow accumulations of 2 to 4 inches.
.....
eman: Sup dude
JPennant: hey. wassup son
eman: nada..
eman: Hey is it snowing up there???
JPennant: sure is
eman: blizzard???
JPennant: just heavy
JPennant: not much wind
Wednesday, February 21, 2001
I must be stupid.
Yesterday. Mild, near 50's.
I coulda taken care of bizness, beef patty and bagels then.. but nooooo....
Now...
Staten Island, NY (10303)
Partly Cloudy 38°F to a low of 17°F tonight
Wind: From the Northwest at 17 mph gusting to 33 mph
Wind Chill makes it feel like 2 -17 °F
Fun, fun, fun.
kate: coooollllld
JPennant: Should I go?
kate: yeah
JPennant: youre mean
kate: silly, what else would you expect?
kate: I'll call t and ask her to pick some up
kate: do you want me to ask her?
JPennant: nah, I'll go. I dont think she will want to be carrying 24 bagels in the morning. :-)
JPennant: Plus, Ive been home all weekend. Serves me right.
Tuesday, February 20, 2001
I am craving:
Havent found it yet.
All the guides for NY say its Juniors, on Flatbush in downtown Brooklyn.
Bullshit. That crumbly crap is not worth crossing the Brooklyn Bridge for.
The best New York Cheesecake Ive had was in Chicago at a now defunct NY style deli (that now houses a Kinko's), across the street from the Northwestern campus in downtown Evanston.
Ooh, its been nearly 12 years - and my mouth still waters at the memory of that 3 inch high platter of graham crust, creamy cheese feeling and mile high topping of strawberries. Mmm.
The jewish owners of that place assured me that such goodness was commonplace in New York.
I have not found anything like it so far in NY. Im still looking.
Although, the ricotta cheesecake served at Pellegrino's in Little Italy aint at all shabby.
- A genuwine phat Jamaican Tastee style beef patty.
Next to Jamaica and Miami.. New York must be the beef patty capital of the world.
You can get it almost anywhere. Almost any deli or bodega will have it.
So why am I now having a hard time finding that quintessential combination of thickly ground spiced beef and flaky pastry crust?
It used to be, they were baked on premises.
Now, theyre frozen at factories and shipped to everywhere, where theyre essentially reheated .
Not the same thing.
Not sublime goodness that can be found easily anymore.
My luck to be jonesing for it right now.
Heh. Jules of NY kept repeating .. "mmm.. I want beef patty.." the other day as I mentioned it.
Right now, so do I.
Fuck the cold tomorrow evening. Brooklyn, here I come.
Mmm. The place by Kates house in Bay Ridge has their 3.99 for a dozen special on Wednesdays.
Surprisingly, apart from the breakfast cart on the corner of 50th and Broadway - I havent found anything as good.
I'm there.
- Chinese
It has sucked royally here on Staten Island.
I am so jonesing to go walkabout in Chinatown....
Im blaming Kate for making me hungry today.
JPennant: you ever check yer secondary mailbox? :-)
McClint: yep sure do almost daily
JPennant: heh. I thought you were glad to avoid my spam :-)
McClint: hehehe naaaa
JPennant: :-)
McClint: your spam is usually good stuff
JPennant: That is good to hear. I just wanna share what I see.
McClint: although there was one i saw the other day that for whatever reason i couldnt make sense of it! but i think i was probably having a severe brainfart and forgot how to read :-)
JPennant: which one?
McClint: cant even remember
McClint: but i have those days sometimes...... like the checkout girl scanning and rescanning your box of macaroni & cheese .. soemtimes ya just gotta manually input it
JPennant: oh my. youre not even 30 yet :-)
McClint: nope, but i think it just might be the occasional dyslexia
JPennant: everyone has that
JPennant: mebbe you need to start eating more 'brain food' :-)
McClint: uhhh Dr Pepper and Funyuns?
McClint: hehehehe
JPennant: yoohoo's you fewl, yoohoo's. :-)
McClint: my prefered brain fuel is Cherry Coke and M&M's. drop 5 or 6 m's into yer cold bottle of Cherry Coke ..... watch the acid eat thru the candy shell
JPennant: Oh, shit. YOU are hardcore!!
McClint: :-)
McClint: and when you finish the cherry coke, you get a yummy candy surprise at the bottom.
JPennant: You know this convo is going into a blog as we speak, right? :-)
McClint: of course
McClint: :-)
JPennant: man o man :-)
McClint: i think any IM that makes Joe say "Oh shit" with exclamation marks anywhere after makes it onto your web page
JPennant: LOL
McClint: I think i got you pegged
JPennant: nah, just for the good shit. :-)
-----------
Looped on the mp3 casbah...
Shaggy - It wasnt Me
Barry White - Practice What You Preach
Cheryl Lynn - To Be Real
EU - Da Butt
Janet - Throb
NIN - Closer
Shaggy w/Janet Jackson - Mr Lover
Tribe Called Qwest -Bonita Applebaum
-----------
My old friend Sergio, back in the day - used to fast on every Friday, according to his religious beliefs.
The only thing he would eat was the occasional fruit and drink water to keep his sugar level up and stay hydrated.
I did that for years, but stopped when I became a geek.
Lately, I havent been eating much - didnt even eat on Saturday.
Just didnt feel like it.
I think of it only because Ive been hearing increasing complaints of my friends eating more than usual these last few days and weeks.
My hypothesis?
Its symptomatic of the stress of the periods before AND after St Val's Day.
Rough.
Man, Im glad I decided to just go with the flow and just relax this V-Day.. whoo...
And drinking lotsa water.
-----------------
Monday, February 19, 2001
Ive decided.
Not in the forseeable future anyway.
Having a cat is not conducive to living the mobile laptop life that I desire.
I may get fish instead.
Although...
When Id babysit my niece, when she was a toddler.. she would be lively and rambunctious and fight with her last whine and plead the sleep schedule my sister had her on.
Of course, she would be unconscious 5 minutes past that bedtime - but as Id tuck her in, she would wake up and say "Go to bed too, Uncle Joey".
I'd tell her "Soon, sweetheart" and she would be out again.
Im reminded of that, as every time I go into the study for some computer time late at night.. HappyCat comes padding in chirping at me.
No matter if he has ignored me all day, he comes in chirping at me to go to bed.
I'll stroke his fur as he curls around me, tell him "I'll go to bed soon, papi", and after a few more chirps, he'll yawn and pad back to the comforters.
It's just a cat.
But still....
---------------------
I didnt want to get into this, but all right.
You ask why Im upset.
Because you said I should have faced up to reality, and not be deluded about your intentions.
I wasnt.
Here is the thing.. I really dont like deluding myself. About anyone.
To the point I will believe the worst in people, as far more often than not, sooner than later, I wont be disappointed.
Because believing in folk in this day, age and culture means one is deluding oneself, and not being realistic.
I decided to take a leap of faith, and believe in you tho.
Even though I didnt expect you to live up to what I asking - I decided, after MUCH deliberation and rationalization, to consciously make the decision and believe.
I was not being as capricious or as foolhardy as it appeared.
And I needed to believe in somebody.
All my friends thought I was losing my mind, shit-canning all my pride.. as they thought I was being unbelievably reckless in being deluded in having faith in someone.
In you.
They didnt and couldnt see it working it out.
Hell, I had my own doubts.
So did you.
Someone asked me "Doesnt she know you have some really important shit to deal with?"
But I told them, hey, its not her, its me - I gotta have faith.
Much was the noise I heard when some found out that all their warnings were right.
As someone put it "She took the better offer. New York does that to women."
They were expecting it.
So was I, as I was the least surprised of them all.
Of course, as I would have done the same thing, if I were being realistic.
I was relieved, cuz hey.. now I didnt have to worry about having faith in anyone.
I could now not worry about any distractions and focus on the things I have to do.
But I will not regret having a little faith in someone.
I still had my pride.
So, I told them to mind their fucking beeswax, as I made my decisions consciously, with much thought and with no regrets.
My pride was still intact.
Until YOU told me I shouldnt have been so stupid as to have deluded myself.
And in defending yourself, you kept saying it.
Unfortunately, of all the things you couldve said, THAT would be exactly the wrong thing to say right then.
THAT would make me upset. And stay that way.
I dont know if you appreciate how much work it is to have faith.
Am I mad? Not really, as now that I dont have to delude myself - it clears my mind.
Remember, I did ask you to be straight with me.
That is all I asked.
I expected more, but that is all I asked.
Cause if I counted on myself to appreciate that I was deluding myself - to know any better - I wouldnt have bothered making the leap of faith at all those months ago.
RIght now, Im wishing I didnt have to say all this nonsense, because love isnt about hating the ones you care about.
But Im defending my pride and future right now.
Oh, you didnt mean me?
Well, never mind then.
-------------
Oh, man, I do miss that camera.
Today was a beautifully mild and bright day.
Cant buy color like that.
A new camera is on my shopping list.
What is on my list?
Well, as soon as I get fitted with my noose again and the rent, bills and debts are paid...
- Laptops: A decent grade Pentium and a G3 Powerbook. Yes, I would need both.
- Camera.. A Fuji Finepix 4700.. although with excellent alternatives out there.. I'll be shopping around.
- The Ricochet service. As much as I like hi-speed service.. I like mobility and independence even more...
- A nice suit or two. It bothers me that I dont have any in my wardrobe now...
- Coupla round-trip tickets. There are trips I wanna take, people I wanna see, honey I gotta pick up...
And thats the short term.
The Mercedes 400E will have to wait. :-)
-----------
HappyCat is being madd insistent now.
Hilarious with his eyes half-closed, stumbling around. :-)
Soon, papi, soon.
----------
Even though she lives in the wilds of Quebec, I will have to concur with Marn on this point:
Dear Diary:
I have risen from my sickbed to say a few words about The Weather Channel:
LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.
There, I feel much, much better.
None of the well-dressed TV weather-folk of New York have been able to get the weather right, until they start doing the "The Blizzard of the Season".. or the "The Bone Chilling Cold of the Season" specials to fill the dead air time.
They just love hyping everything in New York.
Every time they say its gonna warm up.. we get blistering wind chills instead.
Like now.
At least the cold dampens my walkabout tendencies and keeps me from heading into the city to spend cash I dont have.
Did I mention that its cold?
---------------
Back in the day, not so long ago - I used to be able to remember everyone's birthdays easily.
Everyones.
Date, time, places of birth.
Credit the virgoan talent for keeping things in order.
Now, apart from close family - I cant remember squat.
Must be one of those signs of advancing senility, me being middle-aged and all..
But thats not good tho - like right now I have too many Piscean lovelies with birthdays coming up - and they only ACT like they're forgiving souls....
-----------------
