Getting in touch with my inner couch..

Im trying to get over a personal hump.

No one stopping me but me. If only it were booze, drugs or sex.

Another fear I gotta deal with.

And since I cant afford professional counseling, I gotta do a little self-therapy, like I did when I was just a young itinerant...

Afraid of success?

As much as we want to be successful, we often fear that success even more. There's one voice telling us to do it, driving us to work hard, fuelling our dream. There's another voice telling us we arent good enough, can't deliver, better give up. In some people, that negative voice is even louder. Fear of success wins out over confidence and determination. Why would some of us, who are so ambitious, be afraid of success -- the one thing we want so badly? Because deep inside, unconsciously, we feel that should we be successful, that it will be just a fluke. That if we get a break, we wont be able to deliver. Or, maybe we'll get lucky and deliver once, but we'll never measure up. We're certain we cant live up to the new standard of performance that that first taste of accomplishment suggests. -------------------------------------- Some of the symptoms:

We are constantly late - to classes, to interviews, to appointments, to meet deadlines. We are slovenly in our appearance, telling ourselves it reflects our individualism and casual style. We constantly misplace things, and cant seem to get organized . Our personal life is so challenging and trying, we just dont 'have the time or energy' to get our professional life together. We act arrogantly, make unreasonable demands, and generally behave in a manner that makes people not want to work with us. Or conversely, we're passive or obsequious to a discomfiting degree. We cant generate enough ideas. Or.. We have so many ideas we cant choose one. We pick grandiose ideas we wont have time to follow through to completion. We are offered opportunities and assignments that we find perfectly logical reasons to turn down or why we cant accept them. We try only for things beyond our reach in terms of our experience and skill, because doing otherwise would be 'beneath us', We do what we know, but don't attempt to move up to more demanding tasks, because we're comfortable where we are and 'know our limits'. We look for and dwell on contradictory advice from people and teachers, so we wont have to make up our own minds, rely on ourselves, and get down to work.

And so on and on. How do we overcome our fear of success? Be aware of our fear, listen to the other voice, the supportive one. Nurture it. Trust it. Believe in it.

- from The Complete Guide to Magazine Article Writing, John M. Wilson

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This evening, I was showing someone the rough proofs for my portfolio.

At the end, she hugged me and told me she was proud of me.

I was slightly taken aback.