To fred.. who KNOWS what a man needs. :-)
Thanx dahlin.
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I hate those times when you're walking on that fine line - the one where you're constantly asking yourself 'am i gonna lose it soon?'
"Howre you doin? Really." someone wrote me yesterday.
Normally, my stock answer is "Hangin in there", cause I am.
The real deal.
She sez Im entitled to vent once in awhile.
Here goes:
People see me, read my stuff, and think Im a bum. A lazy bum.
Worse still, as my stated plans and strategies seemingly shift and change, a dreamer
and a liar.
Ouch.
Still through all of it.. I have to give thanks.
My health has improved markedly in the last year. Im no longer afraid of having a
spontaneous heart-attack.
I know what I want out of this life.
As Ive gotten older and realize the stakes have gotten higher
(few under 32 know what I mean), my ambitions and dreams are dove-tailing with
my talents and creativity.
A wonderful thing.
I realized belatedly, that what Im doing is planning for the long haul - and what
Im working towards is indeed my retirement.
I will be in my fifties when everything goes according to plan. Heh.
If I should live so long. God willing.
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In a way, I kinda wish the people who avoid me or regard me as a hopeless case,
a wasted talent - would have this kinda stuff hit them as theyre trying to do
something.
Not so I can laugh, no. Just so that they can *appreciate* it.
Fuckem.
But wishing bad on other people is not right.
That is asking for, shit - *inviting*- bad karma, that biatch, to come visit me.
Nah, for the most part - Im not angry. Anymore.
Whats the point?
As oxymoronic as it might seem, I give thanks every day.
I know.. but it really does help.
