Tuesday, November 20, 2001

Shout out...

To fred.. who KNOWS what a man needs. :-)

Thanx dahlin.
I hate those times when you're walking on that fine line - the one where you're constantly asking yourself 'am i gonna lose it soon?'

"Howre you doin? Really." someone wrote me yesterday.

Normally, my stock answer is "Hangin in there", cause I am.

The real deal.

She sez Im entitled to vent once in awhile.

Here goes:
People see me, read my stuff, and think Im a bum. A lazy bum.

Worse still, as my stated plans and strategies seemingly shift and change, a dreamer
and a liar.


Still through all of it.. I have to give thanks.

My health has improved markedly in the last year. Im no longer afraid of having a
spontaneous heart-attack.

I know what I want out of this life.
As Ive gotten older and realize the stakes have gotten higher
(few under 32 know what I mean), my ambitions and dreams are dove-tailing with
my talents and creativity.

A wonderful thing.

I realized belatedly, that what Im doing is planning for the long haul - and what
Im working towards is indeed my retirement.

I will be in my fifties when everything goes according to plan. Heh.

If I should live so long. God willing.


In a way, I kinda wish the people who avoid me or regard me as a hopeless case,
a wasted talent - would have this kinda stuff hit them as theyre trying to do

Not so I can laugh, no. Just so that they can *appreciate* it.


But wishing bad on other people is not right.

That is asking for, shit - *inviting*- bad karma, that biatch, to come visit me.

Nah, for the most part - Im not angry. Anymore.

Whats the point?

As oxymoronic as it might seem, I give thanks every day.

I know.. but it really does help.