Laid out

My backpack as my pillow, my jacket as my blanket, I laid out in the grass in Berkely's People's Park.

The sun warmed me as I dozed in the brilliant sunshine.

It felt damned good.

Why havent I done things like this more often?
------

".. the lemon tree we planted over the grave of our cat Tigerlily is blooming."
"Yeah, those blossoms are pretty."
"Arent you gonna take a picture of it?"
"The lemon blossoms? Nah, Im tired of that."
"Why? You always used to."
"Right now, Im more interested in taking pictures of people."

Yeah, its more of a challenge to take pictures of people, both technically as well as personally.

In addition to practicing the craft on people, Im also putting a lot of effort into .. connecting .. with strangers.

Like a lot of things in life, Im finding that doing that is more of a skill than a talent, and one that needs to be cultivated.

Frankly, its very satisfying to take images of folk and see them go "wow" when they see the picture of themselves.

Its a very cool feeling.

(If youve seen a few of these before, dont trip - just illustrating a point.)


























(I had asked him to hold his position...)















So yeah, Im ready to go into modelling shoots, portraiture, body images, etc etc

It looks to be interesting.

A very dear friend of mine got married last month.

She actually was my boss at Deloitte & Touche, but feh..

Im very proud to call her my friend.

Best wishes to you and Chuck, Nancy. :-)

My horrorscope this week is telling me what I wanna hear.

Were you thinking your personal year was off to a draggy start?
Maybe it feels like somebody or some thing has placed you on permanent hold. Think again.
By Monday you're out of jail free. Soon you'll be passing "Go." Can $200 be far behind? A gypsy sees Boardwalk Plaza in your future.

Once again, a reminder. You're an understudy waiting in the wings. Better practice your lines Monday because the big drama is coming soon -- very soon -- to a theater near you. What follows your upcoming birthday promises to be one of the best years of your whole life. And the envelope, please!

Woohoo!

So Id better print up those new business cards, eh? :-)

The new moon in your root cellar dares you to take a long, hard look at least one relationship.
You're ready for an adventure. You'll find it with or without this person. What happens next is up close and very personal. What follows may be too hot not to cool down. Make a decision on Monday.

The decision is prolly already made.....

For a sign that really doesn't carry any more baggage than can fit in the overhead compartment, this be a moment of truth. You better believe romance is a travel upgrade. Now what are you going to do about it?

Im ready for some adventure.

Ive got the room.

Support

This evening, I got 4 calls and many people checking up on me, to see if I were ok, puzzlement at my stubborn refusal to go to another shelter and offers to make my Trials and Tribulations a little easier..

Boy, Its COLD out there at night. Lemme tell ya.

A lot of support...

"Perfesser, where you staying?"
"Out and about.."
"You should go to the Richmond Shelter.."
"Nah, Im gonna tough it out."
"You need a few bucks to tide you over? Its yours, man."
"Heh. Nah, Im aright.."
"Hey look, youre my friend.. You have too much class to go through this.."
"Its much appreciated."

*ring - look at CallerID*

"Hello Ms N****"
"Just calling in to see how youre doing, if youre ok."
"Doin' fine, hon. Thank you for checking in."
"You know. Just a little concerned for you."
"Much appreciated. Thank you. Talk to you tomorrow."
"Ok. Love you."
"Love you too, m'dear."

This is emblamatic of the kind of support Ive recieved recently. As I said, this place has heart.
Theyve heard all the hard luck stories before, so folk here are friendly, but not as open as youd think, until they get to know you.

A month ago, my nickname (behind my back) at the shelter was "Narc", "Undercover" and "Journalist."
Now, its "Professor", "New York", "Cha-ching" (long story :-), "Governer".

A marked change.

I was walking into the shelter late on day (which automatically has you tossed out, but I had already made arrangements)..

"Boss! You ok?? I see you walking in late, and thats not *like* you. Unlike most of the knuckleheads around here, youve got your head on right.."

My head on straight? Ive been accused of the opposite over and over these past coupla years.

At first, I was a little puzzled at all this, as I prefer to put my head down and deal with my problems on my own, not involve anyone else...

Now I realize that Im getting paid the highest of compliments. Respect.

And the best form of respect is when people look out for you.

Which is something I never forget.
------

Marn sent me a nice letter of support the other day. Its doubly nice as I hold her writing in the highest esteem, but like the Canadians I count as my friends, it turns out she's a really good egg.

Made my day.

In addition, Kate, Julie, Brian and a host of others worry about me and listen to my blatherings on a daily basis. Even when they think Im being thoroughly daft.

Theyre tall on my list.

As well as Fred and George, the original sponsors of the Itinerant travels. Which is why I keep their logos on my page.

Actually, there are a bunch of people who have supported me over the years in ways big and small.

It is much appreciated.

Thanks isnt enough, but..

Thank you.

Last rites

Laptop dying. Seems almost dead now.

Must not succumb to repeating the mantra "money will fix everything"....

----------
Oh, and..

I think things are about to get interesting.

My schtick

(paraphrased from many, many conversations)

"Youve got a great con going there."
"Huh? Con?? "
"You and your camera. You go up to pretty women all the time and get their phone and emails.."
"Nah, Im just taking pictures. The main reason I GET contact information is because I dont have an agenda."
"Riiiiight. Man, if I had a camera like yours Id be walking around making out like a bandit."
"Dude. I rarely follow up on them anyway."
"I KNOW!!! Here I am chasing after ANY woman that looks my way, and you have women youre not even CALLING."
"Heh. Its not a schtick. Im just taking pictures, man."
"Yeah, well. Im jealous... its a great schtick."

It is ironic. Im not a meeter-greeter kinda guy, and I dont say hello or even smile to everyone on the street.

Im not even all that friendly normally.

And yet, I do what he sez.

Heh. The "schtarving artist". Heh. Yah right, thats my schtick. :-)

Just browsing. Sorta.

Fuji S2 Pro

Fuji S602z Pro

Canon S50 (or maybe a Fuji F700) too for pocket use.

Im merely browsing now, but Im a patient man.

As they say: "One who doesnt plan, plans to fail.."

Plus, new toys :-D

Move on, baby

(rephrased from a conversation)

I can be evil.

One of my more unsavory character traits is that I will nurse my hurt feelings, and I will stay mad for a long time.

I realized this talking to someone just now. I was an ass to her, and I didnt even mean to be that way. I just wanted to talk to her, see how she was doing.

Ive done that before.

I sent her an e-mail apologising.

What the fuck am I mad about? Cant stay mad forever. Life is too fuckin' short.

*pshh.

I need to grow up.

That said, I only say Im sorry once.

Life is too short.

Gotta move on.

Voyeur



















































Talking to an AP photographer..

"If theyre in a public area, you can take the picture. If youre at a party or on private property, then you probably will need their permission to publish the pictures..."

"As long as the pictures arent damaging to them or their reputations, you can take it."

I dont entirely agree, but yeah.

Whoa

"Going through a breakup, your emotions are going to go up and down - so you'll need to make sure you continue the treatments."
"Oh. Ok."

This would be me after accupuncture this morning.

This is Berkeley. And in Berkeley, if you are low income or homeless.. among the myriad of benefits you can get, you qualify for free accupuncture.

No shit.

See, This is Berkeley.

Now before this.. well, even now.. well. Ok, its strange.

Accupuncture. Because Im broke.

Whoa.

Im not knocking it. My back and neck pain, knee pain, blood pressure, stress levels.. all lowered. Im swimming in endorphins dude.

*breathe* Ok Joe.. mind open, accept. *breathe*

You sit in high back chairs, lightly scented room with lowered lights, herb teas, meditative music.. only the smell of rubbing alcohol reminding one that youre in a clinic.

Man, for an hour Im in a different world.

Im even craving coffee and doughnuts less. *gasp-o-rama*.

What else can I say?

What everyone sez when theyre trying to explain the eccentric, offbeat and .. different .. that happens here.

"This .. is Berkeley."

California.
---------
*grump*

Speakin of endorphins, a good round of Blowing Things Up would normally make me feel a bit better, but no such Joy on this Laptop and Its Bizarro Screen.

*grump*

This sucks.

It's always for the best

PennantinCali: So, Im free again
PennantinCali: heh
Glinessa: what happened with that?
PennantinCali: she realized she had a lot more options to explore
PennantinCali: I agree
Glinessa: lord...all these people so afraid to commit
PennantinCali: nah
PennantinCali: like many young women, she doesnt know all that she wants yet
PennantinCali: she needs the freedom to figure it out.
Glinessa: yeah...but don't make a promise if you're not sure you're going to keep it
PennantinCali: G.. I remember you were in your early 20's once :-)
PennantinCali: did you keep all of your promises, even as you tried?
PennantinCali: cut her some slack. she's cool by me
Glinessa: it's not aimed at her...just my own frustrations
PennantinCali: ahh.. *sigh* I feel ya luv
PennantinCali: but I truly believe in the adage "Its all for the best".
Glinessa: I agree that being young you really don't know what you want and that's cool...but life changing decisions that affect another person's life needs to have seriouos thought before bringing someone's hopes up...just my opinion
PennantinCali: wellllllll
PennantinCali: it takes two
Glinessa: I agree
PennantinCali: and just from my selfish perspective, I got what I needed from her AND I had a lot of fun. :-)
PennantinCali: She sure wasnt as painful as .. ohhh, the last 10 years. :-)
Glinessa: lol...that's good to know
PennantinCali: I got a chance to feel love not held back.
PennantinCali: And I was forced to not hold back love.
PennantinCali: which is good for me.
PennantinCali: I had fun :-)
Glinessa: having fun is important
PennantinCali: yes indeed :-)

Glinessa: i haven't had fun in a while....I am trying to find myself again and what I need for myself
Glinessa: it's a hard journey, but I'm slowly working on it
PennantinCali: (((((((hug))))))) youre a good person
PennantinCali: kind of a ruffneck, but its all good :-)
PennantinCali: heeheehee
Glinessa: joe, am I a ruffneck? =-O
PennantinCali: baby, I love you, but people should NEVER fuck with you :-)
PennantinCali: Im glad you have my back tho :-)
Glinessa: yeah...lol
PennantinCali: (((((((hug)))))
PennantinCali: youre cool by me too *muah
PennantinCali: even when you talkin shit
PennantinCali: *ducks
PennantinCali: hehehehe
Glinessa: you are too silly
PennantinCali: heheheh

--------
Glinessa: you're still in cali right?
PennantinCali: yup
PennantinCali: Berkeley
PennantinCali: the photography is starting to take shape as a paying gig
PennantinCali: the publishing stuff still needs to be worked on
PennantinCali: the software, well...
Glinessa: that's good..I hear that it is a political mess out there
PennantinCali: oh that
PennantinCali: nah, just those crazy Californians changing the world again
Glinessa: aren't they trying to get rid of the govenor, I think?
PennantinCali: yeah. he lied to get re-elected :-)
PennantinCali: heeheehee
Glinessa: what did he lie about (like they all don't)
PennantinCali: about the state of California
PennantinCali: after he got re-elected, he dropped the fact that California had a 38 BILLION dollar deficit.
PennantinCali: doubt he woulda been elected if folk knew this :-)
PennantinCali: And when Californians get mad, shit changes
Glinessa: so i read
PennantinCali: yupyup
Glinessa: lord have mercy
PennantinCali: heheheh

All we need ...

is love.

gabz: are you hiding from someone again?
gabz: lol
PennantinCali: heh
PennantinCali: partly (dont wanna be distracted) and I like this better
PennantinCali: how you doin anyway?
gabz: ok...gearing up for some busy weekends. gotta get everything in order for them.
PennantinCali: *nod
PennantinCali: (((hugs))) his fishy friend :-)
PennantinCali: you get it when Kate isnt around for my mush :-P
PennantinCali: now, go back to work
gabz: lol
gabz: why thank you!
gabz: i'm going back to work.... *sigh*
PennantinCali: (((((hug)))))
PennantinCali: much luv dear
gabz: thank you!! def. need that.
PennantinCali: :-)

Sometimes we all need that.

---------

.. some Real love

krispydude: the beginning of her note... it goes on a lot more
krispydude: whew, she just blows me away sometimes
PennantinCali: that warms me to hear :-)
krispydude: hehe, in more ways than one! ;-)
krispydude: heehee, ok no bragging
PennantinCali: *kekeke

krispydude: dayam, more blown away!!!

krispydude: truth, ok.... something happened in your previous relationships that made you think that whatever you did was never enough. love isn't a level that you attain... it is ever changing and ever growing. You feed it like your roses, you nuture it like you do a small baby... you are so capable of beign a team player in the love field. you are an awesome parent. I don't know if it is because you don't hear it enough or because you have felt a different kind of love... but you have got to believe me when i tell you that your love is so powerful...

PennantinCali: Whoo. :-)
PennantinCali: she states the obvious ;-P

krispydude: it alone can't "make" the relationship... because it takes 2 peop;le to love, not one. somehow there is/was something missing in your puzzle... i guess time will tell, or you will tell. I can help you, be your friend and love you... without hesitation. There are no promises between us, but there are also no lies. its is better to love in truth then to love in falseness....

PennantinCali: damn
PennantinCali: I like her

--------

And some sun...


PennantinCali: ok, Im looking to do a Hawaii trip soon. Its calling me.
Sun718:: you better not
Sun718:: b/c if you do it'll be JPennantHI
PennantinCali: hm?
PennantinCali: LOL
PennantinCali: nah, just for a looksee kindadealie
PennantinCali: Maui, Kauai or Big Island?
Sun718:: how long you staying? if short, Kauai, if long Big Isle
Sun718:: if medium Maui
Sun718:: if bringing someone "special" definitely Maui
PennantinCali: Kauai it is then. Suntrips runnin those $299 rountrip specials every month

Sun718:: yep, you got some business endeavors that need tending to
PennantinCali: I have a shoot for an album cover
Sun718:: album cover? woo!
PennantinCali: :-D
PennantinCali: **** was the drummer for Frankie Beverly and Maze, and Toto
Sun718:: lol, i think i remember Toto
PennantinCali: hehehe
PennantinCali: he's now drumming with the Headhunters
Sun718:: still, that some rockin' stuff you'r doing
PennantinCali: its just starting
PennantinCali: no money yet
Sun718:: still, your talent is really getting you somewhere
Sun718:: your starving artist will be starving no more
PennantinCali: actually I got the job not because of the pictures
Sun718:: how?
PennantinCali: but because of HOW i took some pictures
PennantinCali: I acted like a pro
PennantinCali: I knew exactly what I wanted
Sun718:: acted? you are a pro
PennantinCali: heheh
PennantinCali: so before he flies off to Japan, I gotta do these shots

Sun718:: do you get to post them on your site b/c i must see
PennantinCali: we shall see :-)
PennantinCali: depends on how it turns out
Sun718:: good for you...good stuff to put on the resume
Sun718:: or curriculum vitae...whatever you call it nowadays
PennantinCali: yes indeed
Sun718:: well at least you got your foot in that door
PennantinCali: lets see how it turns out :-)

PennantinCali: got a lot of projects in the water
PennantinCali: but
PennantinCali: Hawaii
PennantinCali: I wanna go :-)
Sun718:: oh man, i want to see your pics after that trip
PennantinCali: heee
Sun718:: gonna make me homesick, i know
PennantinCali: oh you might get there before me
Sun718:: doubt it
Sun718:: probably be back late 2004 if anything
PennantinCali: aiyah
Sun718:: i am going to Cali in Nov. though
Sun718:: you gonna be around?
PennantinCali: dunno
PennantinCali: I'll be around somewhere
PennantinCali: Im starting to like Berkeley as a home base
Sun718:: hehe, well if you're around it'll be good to see you
PennantinCali: definitely :-)

PennantinCali: by the way
PennantinCali: your photos are TIGHT
PennantinCali: I knew you had a good eye, but damn
Sun718:: the touristy ones i posted?
PennantinCali: from the food to the swinging bus doors
Sun718:: :-) thanks, i'm trying my best
Sun718:: despite the dying battery, my 2+ year old camera is still good to me
PennantinCali: you kickin ass widdit
PennantinCali: by the way
PennantinCali: Food photography is one of the hardest things to do
PennantinCali: and youre doing it
Sun718:: well, that's one thing i think i might be good at
Sun718:: you know me and food!
PennantinCali: heehee
PennantinCali: youre definitely very good
PennantinCali: you do texture and color like nobody's bizness
Sun718:: as always, compliments from you mean a whole lot
Sun718:: thanks
PennantinCali: I dont give compliments like this all the time ;-)

Sun718:: guess what, i gotta skedaddle and do some studying
PennantinCali: shoo
Sun718:: i'll squeeze in 15 mins of studying then watch Sex and the City...lol
PennantinCali: heheheh
PennantinCali: aight wahine. chat latah
Sun718:: thanks again for your compliments...it really really does mean a lot
PennantinCali: *grump*
PennantinCali: :-)
Sun718:: lovelove...bye!
PennantinCali: *wave

Sun718: signed off at 5:51:26 PM.

Dreams are real. However...

"Are you still as excited as when I saw you last week?"

"Mmmmmm.. hm. Lets just say Im coming down from that high."

In the aftermath of the high of expectations, there comes the work of living the dreams, exploring the possiblities.

Its hard, wearying work, living your dreams.

Ironically.. it almost feels like it isnt what it isnt cracked up to be.

It almost feels like there is nothing there when you break through to your goals. That it was all an illusion.

This is nonsense of course.

When I start feeling like this, when I start despairing, I use one Jedi Mind Trick to keep me on track..

I remind myself of the alternatives to not living my dreams.

*shudder*

Incentive enough to stop worrying about stuff that is out of my control and starting working on the things that are.

Thats when the dreams truly become reality.

My to-do list is long.

Break

This week's horrorscope..

You have been under a lot of pressure in recent weeks, but those who said you would crack have been proved wrong.
Feel pleased with yourself, but don't let up yet because come Wednesday, new challenges and opportunities will come your way.
If you dream of being rich, you may soon get your chance.

"Man. Ive NEVER seen my father decide to do business and give someone a chance that quickly...."

"Never?"

"Nah.. the only person Ive ever seen was a friend of mine from HS.. a bass player... that was 20 years ago. Now, he's based in LA and playing all over the world.."

"Whoa."

"Yeah, no shit. My father is ALL about business. He said he'd take care of you. The shoot is on monday, pahdnuh. Time to step up and go get yours...."
------
Even now, I dont fully accept it.

This is my job.

At a business development meeting, I let it out about taking pictures for construction companies on installations..

"WOW, that would be a LUCRATIVE business. You should write a business plan.. yadda yadda yadda.."

*gurgh* Thats only a small part of what Ive been preparing for all these years.

But, he has a point.

The epiphany came a few months ago as I kneeled into the bushes to take a foto of a snail contentedly munching lunch.. "this *is* my job".

I might deny it to myself, but its clear to everyone but me.

Eh. A lot more to do....

------
In less than twenty minutes...

Bancroft and Telegraph, Berkeley









An impromptu modelling shoot and a client



And then another..



And then a bust.

















As Ferris Beuhler would say.."Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it.".

Yup.