Purging for spring


From fellow Virgo Dori

shit.
today i inadvertantly deleted my inbox.

gone are, like, three boys' worth of love/lust letters, countless emails from mom, and the like.

luckily i'm one of those neurotic fools with 3000 filters for 3000 different mailing lists, so the inbox was the only thing to go - 845+ message i should have cleaned out long ago, anyway, i guess.

Well, for me - my YahooMail plus subscription ran out today and I hadda dump 10 megs worth of stuff to unblock my suddenly smaller box.

After cleaning the usual suspects, I turned to the more difficult things to delete.

Then I realized.. WHAT am I trying to save here?

So, emails, spam I sent out, old love/lust letters.. chucked.

As my ol' pal Chuck would put it.. "Purging is good for the soul."

I feel lighter.

She hums, she hums

I have a friend who lives in the Nash residential hotel on University Avenue in Berkeley..

Awhile back, he was telling me about the UC Berkeley junior who lives in the room next to him who was trying out to be on American Idol.

Today I bumped into my friend and the conversation turned to William Hung...

"He has cute asian chicks visiting him all the time now..."
"He has GROUPIES????"
"Yup. Looks like Cal students. All gorgeous."
"Wow.."

"We have DSL in our rooms, right.. but he always goes down to the lobby to use the internet connection."
"Why would he do that?"
*laughing* "He said 'If I use the one in the room, they'll charge me $1 a day."
"He can spare it, cant he?"
"He got that 25 grand from the recording contract, but he's a typical kid of chinese immigrants. They had to scrimp to send him to Berkeley, he's really careful with his money."
"Wasnt he gonna move from the Nash?"
"Nah, he's staying. He's a good kid, the little twerp. He's the same as he always was."-

------
I was just telling LeGirl this story over tea ...

LG: What song did he sing again?
Me: I think its 'She Bangs' by Ricky Martin
LG: How does that go?
Me: I dunno. 'She Bangs, she bangs, she bangs..'
LG: HA! You singing that song reminds me of me. I blame my brother. He said I cant carry a tune, and ever since then I get self-conscious about singing..
Me: Not even in the shower? :-)
LG: Mmm.. Im a Hummer.
Me: *rolling out of my chair laffing*

Lions and Aquarians and hair, oh my

mars: how are you?
JPennant: Im fine dear. You? :-)
JPennant: By the way, the attention suggestion worked like a charm.
JPennant: At the very least, it helped get me out of the Leo doghouse. ;-)
mars: yay
JPennant: heheheh
mars: if she ever feels neglected or left out, you'll be in trouble again
mars: hehe
JPennant: so, even if she acts like she doesnt want the attention, give it to her anyway, right?
mars: yup


mars signed on at 3:54:54 PM.

JPennant: sorry, I got knocked off
mars: is ok
mars: i said "what you say about physical characteristics is so true about leos and aquarians. haha"
mars: freaky
mars: =)
JPennant: LOL
JPennant: I only say stuff that I can verify ;-)
JPennant: yeah, aquarians .. they gotta be special and unique
mars: yup, that's my man
JPennant: I knew this one woman who would wear nothing but plaid jackets
JPennant: my mom would wear this old ass rabbit-trimmed corduroy jacket even though she has scads of classy coats.
JPennant: they just hate being like everybody else
mars: hehehe
mars: very interesting to know that its true for them all

JPennant: LeGirl has thick black hair that she one day chopped off
JPennant: totally butched it so she didnt have to take care of it
JPennant: except
JPennant: she has these long strands of hair behind her ears
JPennant: she didnt touch them. she just couldnt.
mars: =) i have a love/hate relationship with my hair
mars: ugh
JPennant: Its funny how Leo women will stop in front of a mirror, and the first thing they touch is their hair :-)
JPennant: You know what I figured about Leo folk that is interesting?
JPennant: They often dont like to seem that they are uppity and preening, so they will usually dress down
JPennant: casual, funky clothes a lot of the time
JPennant: and SERIOUSLY dont like to fuss with their hair
JPennant: except
JPennant: they fuss with it anyway, even if they cut it all off. :-)
JPennant: what you think?
mars: hahaha very true!

JPennant: by the way, its interesting how Leo would rather mate with Aquarians, their opposite sign
JPennant: something Im still trying to figure out why
mars: do they really?

JPennant: yeah, Leo likes something about Aquarius
mars: it kinda is funny sometimes because G and I are sometimes total opposites, but we compliment and complete each other so well
JPennant: Well, Aquarius and Leo are opposite signs
mars: does the matching always work out?
JPennant: I donno. Im still trying to figure out the dynamic
JPennant: Im still learning about Leo's ;-)
mars: =)

JPennant: heh, the other Leo/Aquarian couples I know
JPennant: the Leo's are kinda intrigued by the fact that the Aquarians can be assholes.
mars: hahahahha
JPennant: Im not sure what the dealie is with that, but there you are
mars: i don't think G is an asshole tho
mars: haha
JPennant: My theory is that they respect someone who will stand up to them
mars: ah that could be true
JPennant: again, Im still figuring it out
mars: =)

JPennant: I think people who do the best are the ones that share the same values, no matter how different they are.
mars: isn't that true of everyone tho?
JPennant: nope
mars: really?
JPennant: yeah, people often get together then find out that they have truly diferent viewpoints on dealing with life
JPennant: money and communication seem to be key points
JPennant: one example would be like
JPennant: the way they treat people
mars: i c
JPennant: say one person tries to be kind to everyone , and the other looks at people as "better than or lesser than" or treats the waiter like dirt.
JPennant: guarantee you that it wont last.
JPennant: cuz the values are too differnet
mars: yeah
mars: i see your point
JPennant: by the way
JPennant: You two are close in birthdays, I see a lot of similiarities between you and LeGirl
JPennant: down to your .. *cough* .. goofiness ;-)
JPennant: its like you two try your damndest to hide how smart you are
JPennant: even though you dont want to ever to have your intelligence disrespected.
mars: yup
mars: that would sum me up
mars: hahaha
JPennant: heh
JPennant: you are both tall. above average in height
mars: i mean, i don't want people to think i'm a know it all

mars: if you could choose which sign to have your kids born in, which would you pick?
JPennant: oh wow
mars: or at least not pick?
JPennant: I honestly dont know
JPennant: I know there are characteristics I wouldnt wanna deal with
JPennant: Cancer moodiness, Aries hard headedness, Gemini troublemaking
JPennant: heh
JPennant: but the kids are kids
JPennant: so I gotta come to them with compassion and understanding
JPennant: without them running all over me ;-)
mars: haha
mars: true

JPennant: heh, you know whats funny
JPennant: all the chicas since Ive been on this destitute path, would eventually start worrying about the security Id be able to provide
JPennant: and then chose others based on the security theyd provide
mars: so what does this tell you?
JPennant: LeGirl didnt do it like that
mars: =)
JPennant: she focused on what I said I would do, and has held me accountable to that
JPennant: she didnt go running away
JPennant: even tho she doesnt LIKE what I was going through
mars: nice
mars: don't make her worry for too long a time period tho
JPennant: no, Im aiming not to.
JPennant: the dog days are coming to an end

mars: even tho leos like to feel like they're in control, I know I don't like feeling like I'm the one ALWAYS in control, or at least always taking care of things
JPennant: *nod*
JPennant: and thats her concern
mars: so make sure she knows how you plan to remedy her concern
JPennant: hoho.. lemme tell you, she aint cutting me any slack on that
JPennant: except to reassure me that she doesnt want much.. just the best ;-)
mars: hahaha
mars: good
JPennant: yar.

The eyes of Taurii

Back when, when I was DEEP into the study of arcane astrology, I repeatedly came across a certain claim that each sun sign had marked physical characteristics unique to each sign.

Uh-huh.

So, being the sort that likes to analyze shytte to death, I resolved to see if that were true by empirical proof

Well, yes.. there does seem to be something to it, although some were way off.

Frinstance: All Librans have dimples, either in the cheeks or chin.

As far as I can tell over the years, thats seems to be true. (I have 5 in the immediate family. EZ one to check).

Over the years, others became apparent...


Capricorns. Every single last one of them have a posture as if someone rammed a steel rod up their butt and spine, with their toes pointed outward. No matter if they slouched or stood ramrod straight.

Scorpio. Its the way they look at you. Directly. They dont avert their gaze or look all over the place when youve got their attention. Theyre not afraid of you.

Leo. Their hair is a very, very big deal to them. Part and parcel of who they are. Life and death to them, almost. The women tend to have a lot or it has to be unique, the short hair tends to be hacked off. If the men are balding, they'll invariably grow a beard.
(I cant say nothing bad about LeGirl's hair, on pain of death or a withering look and a growl..)

Aquarians. They have to dress or look just a touch differently than everyone else. They HATE being like anyone else. HATE it.

Sagittarians. This is odd, but true. As athletic as they are, they trip and stumble, even if there isnt anything in their way. Its hilarious to observe, actually.

Virgo. Their expressions. They have ONE expression most of the time. Like a mask. Since Im one, I know why that is.. its to keep those troublesome emotions under control. They end up having to consciously learning how to show different emotions.
Really.

The rest.. Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Pisces.. the supposed characteristics didnt seem to fit or I couldnt find anything particularly defining.

Until I read the Taurus section in Sextrology.

They went on and on about the eyes of Taureans, that they have a certain set, resmbling that of their bovine namesake.

Haha. Yeah, right.

Until I looked into the eyes of my Taurean companion.

I'll be....

Set kinda wide apart. Some more than others, but yeah. A sloping downward of the lids. Yup.

And I looked. And I looked. And looked.

Whoa.

There is a side of me that doesnt show itself often.

OfficeMax has the cheapest ink in town. They also have a guarantee that they ALWAYS have the ink and toner you need. If they dont, its $10 off the price.

Great!

The Emeryville OfficeMax happened to not have the ink I needed in stock. I was assured that they'd be restocked in a few days and to come and get the $10 off.

Hey, every little bit helps. The good stuff is expensive.

Came a few days later, not in stock. Again a few days later, not in stock.

Yesterday, I went back.. and they did have it in stock.

But didnt want to give me the $10 off. Tried to tell me that only applied to orders.

After all that? Like hell.

My friend was in shock, as I chewed out each manager going up the chain until I got what I wanted.

As we walked out the store, ink in hand..

"Youre one of those guys that's scary when they get mad."
"Why is that?"
"Youre very polite, and you have a half-smile on your face, but you are PISSED. Thats intimidating as hell."

Good.

Mouthing the words to...

Rush Over - Me'shell Ndegeocello & - Marcus Miller

Can I Take You Out Tonight - Luther Vandross

Why Don't You Do Right - Peggy Lee

Also in the show

I can do anything I want when I grow up

As a child, one knows what they want to do when they grow up.

As an adult, that answer is never as clear.

Over the past few days, nay months, Ive spent massive amounts of time perusing photographic books, magazines and the like.

And still I wonder, what will I do when I grow up.

All this should be obvious, right?

The insistent demands of security and dependability oft suggest otherwise.

From the outside, the answers seem as clear as spotlights, but from here, the questions of if and how keep looming.

I want to travel the world chronicling stories with images. This I know.

So, why am I putzing with other choices?

I know what I want to do.

I dont wanna recognize it in hindsight.
------
I picked up a copy of the french photomagazine Photo for inspiration the other day.

Its a stunning magazine, more liberated than the stuff I see in American and British photomagazines.

One problem. I dont speak French.

Which isnt as much of a problem for a magazine as visual as this, and I can guess at some of the words and phrases, but I would like to know what Im looking at.

Hrm.

Another thing to pick up.

Today's horrorscope

VIRGO

What a complex person you are.

On the one hand, you are ordered and sensible. But on the other, you can delight in whimsy and actions that have no purpose but to make you laugh.

Using both a magical and a practical approach, you'll get through this day with a smile on your face.

I cant stop smiling today. :-)

Printed on Ilford paper, done with care

Printed 48 images so far. Lotta ink.

There is nothing like holding an image in your hands, in bright, vibrant color on glossy paper.

Its amazing to see people hold it in their hands and gasp.

Gratifying, too.

It truly does me good to have someone come up to me and say "I LOVE your print. I want to buy it and give it to this girl."

(As a side point, he partially credited the beauty of the print in helping him to get him some. I swear, I couldnt make that up... *cracking up*)

As I was mailing prints to New York, the clerk looked at them and ordered 3 on the spot. Poster-sized. I told her how expensive it would be to do that.

She said she didnt care. She showed them to her co-workers. They ordered one apiece.

Wow.

Its been a long ride to this point, I feel like Ive crossed a threshold.. learning the ins and outs of outputting prints, instead of merely taking them.

Being the perfectionist that I am, this process isnt simply *click*, *print*.

Its been a journey of almost 3 years.

Part of the delay was that on my first attempt to print my images, they came out crappy. That actually traumatized me.
To the point that I swore I was gonna learn how to do this PROPERLY before Id invest one pfennig in a printer or paper.

So now, Im not totally satisfied.. I have a LOT to learn still.. but now, even I look at what comes out and go...

"ooooooh."

Its a very nice feeling. :)
-----------------
Cyn asked me earlier:

OF COURSE i'd love to have
a joey print!

that's why i said i wanted
to see your offerings online.

are you printing for order
or have you pre printed some
personal favorites??

lemme know. 8)

Right now, Id love to print for order, but for now.. I can only offer a few prints.

That will change as I ramp up.

Im setting up a site et al to do this.

It will change, and I will be able to print to order, but for now.. the selection will be limited to about 30 prints.

Of course, Ive sent out prints and gotten one complaint.

I didnt sign the prints. :-)

Man, my customers are demanding.

:-)
--------

Antisocial, and it feels so good... *

*(with apologies to Peaches and Herb)

I am sociable, not social.

Bonding with strangers, large parties, isnt my idea of fun.

A crowded city, a crowded coffee shop, where I can chill, where I can be part of the faceless crowd.. is.

One on one, I can be charming.

Force me, I will be cranky.

Right now, I have to be social. It doesnt fit, but Im getting good at faking it.

But, in the greater scheme of things, I have to.

I just dont wanna.

However, I think, likely, because Im making efforts to be this way.. even some longtime friends think I give a flying goddamn.

Antisocial is easy. Being social is work.

I hate work.

----------
The above petulant rant is brought to you by the occasional need to feel that I dont need people.

Not anybody.

And resenting the fact that maybe, just maybe, I do.

---------

Today's horrorscope:

No matter how much of a loner you might be, the current planetary setup insists that you make an effort to work closely with people now.

Anything done as part of a team will go exceptionally well over the next few days, but anything you do on your own will fall flat.

You can get along with others if you try - so try.

*grump*
--------
JPennant: *drum drum drum* Im cranky, and Im not sure why
McClint: lack of coffee?
JPennant: yeah. and the unavoidable fact that I need companionship when I dont really wanna bother with the drama
McClint: i know
JPennant: *grump*

McClint: "unavoidable fact that I need companionship" aka you're horny and ya got no outlet!
McClint: hahaha
JPennant: heeheehee.
JPennant: Not quite
McClint: that does make it hard to be a founding member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club
McClint: :-)
JPennant: I dont hate women, you kiddin?
McClint: well ya gotta love 'em but sometimes you just can't help but hate 'em
JPennant: nah, thats not really my problem tho

JPennant: nah, Im just railing against the fact that I need to be nice to folk
JPennant: and I dont always want to

JPennant: It pisses me off that if I come to R and I aint all ecstatic to see her, I get the deep freeze (damned Leos)
McClint: oh yes! you gotta read their minds too
JPennant: Then I have to play nice.. when I DONT really want to.
JPennant: Ohohoho, and its *never* simple
JPennant: theres always crap with mother, exes, troubled episodes yadayadayada..
JPennant: and its not just her tho.
McClint: yeah
JPennant: In my mind.. Im "I. dont. care."
McClint: amen brotha!
McClint: :-)
JPennant: heh
JPennant: at the same time, Im trying to be more open..
McClint: how so?
JPennant: sorry, I was just flirting with a chica heading out of the coffee shop.
JPennant: :-D
McClint: hehehe

JPennant: I guess Im just all kindsa cranky today
McClint: drown your sorrows in a tall venti mocha jibba jabba whosawhatzit coffee and a sugarcoated jelly donut
JPennant: You know, several people have SAID that to me today. Strongly.
JPennant: I must REALLY be a whining pain today.
McClint: hahaha. sounds like it
JPennant: heh, Im gonna excerpt part of this conversation.. (minus your business, natch). that ok?
McClint: sure
JPennant: danke

JPennant: Im still grumpy ::-)
JPennant: no Im not. thankx for helpin me kvetch :-)
McClint: no problemo. we all need to vent
JPennant: :-)