Saturday, June 23, 2001

Item on Bloomberg Radio today:

"A survey conducted found that every single black, hispanic and asian males asked felt that yes, theyve been racially profiled when stopped by the police. One in five minority women asked also answered yes to that question..."

There are times when you go.. "Oh lord.. what NOW?"

Some years, you would like to go decades without ever having to say that. It would be nice.

Walking down the Bayonne Bridge, seconds after I took the above picture, a Port Authority police car, lights blazing in full emergency mode, shot past at high speed going toward Bayonne.

Odd, I thought.. why would a Port Authority cop car be heading toward an emergency IN Bayonne? Shouldnt that be handled by the Bayonne Police or NJ State Troopers?

(The Port Authority, an independent interstate authority is in charge of all interstate bridges, ports, tunnels, trains, bus stations and airports in the New York/NJ metro area. It also has its own police force with full enforcement powers.)

Then it slowed and took a sharp 90 degree turn to block traffic, lights still blazing.


Being a cop's son.. and a black man in America.. I had a good idea what was about to happen next, but maybe it was merely an emergency on the bridge itself. Maybe. Probably.


Sure nuff, here came Mr Man#2 screeching to a halt right beside me, shining his spotlight in my direction, with the third coming to halt not far away in support.

Oh lord.. what NOW?

Was my camera flash on the bridge bothering somebody or something just as trivial?

Oh so casually, I kept the tone light and leaned on the railing by the car, my arms over the side to keep them in sight.

Ive been through this before.

Me: Hey. Can I help you.

It wasnt a question.

Officer: Hang on.

I waited a bit.... then asked it again. A little more loudly.
Direct. But still casual.
The best way to get shot is to act afraid, suspicious or belligerent.

Officer: We had a report of someone looking like they were about to jump...
Me: ME????? HA! Me???
Officer: What were you doing on the bridge?
Me: Showing the camera Taking pictures. ..and minding my own fucking business, I thought..
Officer: Hm. Got some ID?
Me: Sure. *sigh*

Im a fucking jumper and his instinctive reaction is to ask for fuckin' ID.

He queried me and I lightly answered. Good thing some idjit didnt just get mugged.. then i wouldnt be having such a long converation..

Satisfied I wasnt a/the jumper, the other units took off back over the bridge. Only then did he think to ask me if I had seen anyone else on the bridge.

I didnt insert any sarcasm when I said no....

Then as he called his dispatcher to make sure what race the possible jumper, I realized I HAD passed someone on the way from the span .. a white guy.

Five minutes before.

That being the only other possibility, he queried a desription and what direction the guy went.

He then radioed the description (Was it a BLACK guy? No, I got a BLACK guy here. A WHITE guy? Was it a WHITE guy? A white guy.)and got ready to take off.

Shit I thought, this guy either jumped into the Kill VanKull already or was safely in Staten Island by now.

I didnt want to think about the possibility someone (, *likely*, the guy I passed) saw me walking along and simply put in a phony 'jumper' report. Just for kicks.
That would make ME look paranoid, right?

Only then I realized I shoulda been taking pictures. I tried, and I heard the cop go.. "Oh no, not that shit.. "

Yay, Rodney King.

For some reason, the picture was black and unusable.. so no, I dont have any record.

Thinking back, it was probably the Coast Guard boat I saw just before I had started walking back that might have radioded it in...

Thinking that someone was doing something suspicious on the bridge.

Who knows. Maybe the guy did jump.

Im placing bets this guy got home safe and sound.

Friday, June 22, 2001

Recently, I was bustin' cyn's chops over her girly Cali accent.

I pondered how it mustve been like when she lived in New York.

I said her accent sounded... "harmless".

I couldve heard the peals of laughter over on THIS coast.. I shoulda clarified. :-)

--I picked 'harmless' because I can well imagine that you would talk and some New Yorkers would stop for a second and just look at you.... :-)

And they would go in their minds "She for real??"

The Cali accent sounds so... happy go lucky.

What I DIDNT mention that as cute as it sounds to East Coaster's ears, to some it might sound ..umm.. 'precious'.

And that *cough* MIGHT irritate some of 'dem'. Nevermind their own distinctive Brooklyn/Queens/Bronx/Jersey accents.

Someone from the land of Tammy and Gidget and Buffy who was just itching to be reality checked...

I just kinda wondered if she ever felt in danger of being picked on...ohhhh.. on general principle.

But thats ok tho.. I related this story to her:

The Cappy was telling me a story about her high school days where a military brat from California, with a girly, sweet Cali accent - would get harrassed, until it got physical one day with a tuff Jersey Girl FAR bigger than her.

And then the Cali Girl took this Jersey Girl and kicked her ass. Soprano style. Brutal. Very brutal. Kicked in the head brutal. All the while telling her in that sweet Cali accent.. "I warned you not to be like that.."


I think cyn coulda defended herself. I have no doubt. :-)
Who is Cheryl Kubo, in Torrance, Ca and why is she sending me her company's mail.

Does anyone know?

She doesnt answer my questions when I ask.

Thursday, June 21, 2001

Random pix

Typical cross-river trip.

Bayonne-Hoboken Light Rail

Exchange Place


Lower Manhattan


Exchange Place PATH

Hoboken-Bayonne Light Rail

Wednesday, June 20, 2001

Because someone asked, and asked very nicely... :-)

Here is what my typical morning coffee and donuts run to the Pride of Bayonne bakery looks like:

I get the 2 fer 1 mit coffee.

Their schtuff is good. :-)

Sicilian lady number one: "HEY DOLORES.. come look at his camera!"

Sicilian Lady number 2: "Ohhh! Nice. Digital? Yeah, my son bought one of those.. OY.. every chance he got, he had that thing in yer face.. thank god he got tired of it."

Lady number one: "Those are very nice pictures, dear."

Me: "Thank you."

And that was it.

Hadnt talked to Jenny in awhile. Catching up...

10:15 am

JennyQ: good to hear everything is rolling along.
JPennant: now, im headed into manhattan to scare up some funding :-\
JPennant: fun, fun.
JPennant: at the same time it IS fun. :-)
JennyQ: it's a tough market but you're a tough-guy:-)



My ultra-talented pal from brazil took something I said, thought about it... and NAILED it.

Youve gotta think cocky. When you talk, you KNOW you can back that shit up. Act as if youre the BADDEST mofo on the planet - jd

He was inspired to put that attitude to print.

Tom? Youre a baad man. :-)



Monday, June 18, 2001


B&W on BroadwayBack to Life

Soul II Soul
- Keep on Movin'
When I was younger... I asked potential partners, family and others to give something.

I craved it more than anything else, even if I would be loathe to admit to anyone.

For this was, and is, my greatest want and need.

To have faith in me. I had potential and I was going to get somewhere.

Just come along.

I was bitterly disappointed to find that few could, or would see it.

That was the bitterest of hurts.

No one could see me clearly to have faith in me. Was how I saw it.

Hell yeah, I took that personally. Still do.

Over the years, I had to swallow the bitter tears, buried the hurt and dealt by telling myself I had to not give a fuck about them to survive.

Not waste my time on them.

Over the years, the chip on my shoulder grew in size and I could see little good in the intentions of others. If they would do the worst, they would.. and I based my world-view on that.

Didnt help that people kept validating that expectation.

I got good at it, figuring out the patterns of people... you arent a gambling man if you bet on the worst impulses of human nature.
Its a sure thing.

Or, as the old saying goes "Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst."

Over the years, out of neccesity really, I gained hope in the ways of the universe, the nature of love, acceptance and faith.

Faith had to be first, because that meant trusting in what you hope to be true. You needed validation, even if nothing seemed forthcoming.

This past week, I didnt know what was wrong.. I couldnt seem to find direction or think properly.

Then last night, I tasted the familiar and I knew then what it all was.. the bile of anger.

Its been a regular recently.. but with the frustrations of recent past, I realized this was DEEP.

So deep I couldnt think.

Friendships were disappearing, and I wasnt caring.

Took me awhile. This was anger on an order of magnitude that seeped out of my carefully built containment chambers and clouded my functions to the point I was having trouble going forward.

Today, the fuses were short, and they were being lit all morning. My tolerance for foolishness was, and is nil.

Today was not a good day to push my buttons, no matter how I tried to control it. Some folk found out.

So, I told someone who voiced concern that I was going out for a walk and some coffee.

I ended up at the Cappy's place again and sat to talk.

Without saying much, she clocked onto the fact that my quiet growl and abruptness indicated frayed nerves. A tense quiet.

Her husband came back from Kosovo the same way.

Not good.

So, she made an executive decision for me and decided to show some faith.

Not show, promise and leave.. demonstrate. Validate. In concrete terms.

Thats exactly what was needed.

I started to function again.

With that, I realized the anger for what it is.

Im still angry. Very much so.

But with the kindness of people who believe in me and show the faith I need..

Its a lot to ask for faith, and I dont intend to prove them wrong.

The others? Lets just say that I wont waste my time.....
NelsonD: friggin (cat) is running from one end of the apartment to another... cats are strange.
JPennant: tools for the easily amused :-)
NelsonD: yaya

I might .. might... want one still.

Sunday, June 17, 2001


A Deeper Love (Club Mix)
- The Ultimate C+C Music Factory

This entry has been removed.

Not because anyone asked me to, nor did I get any grief, nor because I didnt mean what I was saying.

But it was written in a state of anger.

And although that often brings forth the truth, this was bordering on sheer ugliness.

And that I should not do.

This was NOT written with anyone in particular in mind.. but it may be too close for some people..

So, its best not to have this exist.

I apologise to anyone who took it to heart and thank you.


You Want This

- Janet