Saturday, April 24, 2004

On rotation

Addicted to Love - Robert Palmer

This week's horrorscope

Your most important accomplishment this year has been a deepening of your capacity for love.

That alone should inspire you to leap up in the air and sing a song of joy.

More and more you understand that in order to get the passionate affection you want, you simply have to give the passionate affection you want. If you continue to expand your generosity in the coming months, you will receive a flood of evidence about how beautiful you really are. That, in turn, will ensure that the influences you want to bring into your life will also be good for you.

Kate, a long time ago, taught me a lesson about acceptance.

The brothers would ask, snidely "Why are you hanging out with that white girl??"

My answer was, "She accepts me."

So, in turn - I accept her. She's my friend.

Its a little deeper than that (hanging out with those Soul Riders - my Pisces friends - is good for this Virgo - they go where we fear to swim..), but acceptance, I found is the key to tapping into Love.

And the love you want may not always be the love you find.

Or accept.
The tricky part is still figuring out deciding when to care and when not to care.

Just when I think I have everything figured out, left field happens...

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Tempting the Gawds.

I gave it
much thought, but in the end... I installed it.

Total Annihilation. The Game.

Trepidation was high, but old anticipation .. yes. It installed.

The laptop didnt explode.

I exhaled.

I played the movie intro a few times, even with the same scratched up CD Ive been using since 1997.

Then, I got down to business.

I was rusty, and got my arsed kicked the first game (I blew everything up than surrender to the accursed Core vermin), but then mercilessly crushed my adversary in subsequent skirnishes.


*Arg, arg, arg*

Felt good. Very good.

The machine didnt go up in smoke.

But if the Godz have their way....

Woke This Morning, Blue Moon in my eyes

Opened my eyes this morning, saw sunshine, and I got the feeling that things will work out.

That things are good, will get better.

I trust my gut.

I lay there and ... I felt fine, felt loved, felt ... good.

Normally, I'd question this preposterous state of affairs, but my gut is almost never wrong.

It might be happening as we speak....
Instinctively, I dont trust good news. Or good things.

I warily check things out before I plunge in.

Next month I anticipate having my cameras back.

Its funny, I cant see past June.

In any case, the restrictions are lifting.

I have a computer, so I should be working on my site, setting up things.. but Ive been so deprived for so long, Im acting as if I have nothing. When in fact I do.

I have what I need.

I act as if I dont have a social life, when in fact I do.

I suggest that a hot chocolate might be a good thing, and all of a sudden its a date @ Tully's.

Im broke, but all I have to do is make a suggestion, and I have the cash or help that i need.

Im blessed, and for that Im thankful..

but Im still waiting to see.

I think I know why...

I dont want to take anything for granted.
Song Hook I Cant Get Out of My Head Today

Stand Up! - Ludacris

When I move, YOU move
(Just like that?)
When I move, you move
(Just like that??)
When I move, you MOVE
(Just like that?)
Hey DJ, BRING dat back!

Heh, that young man crax me up.

"The diamonds around my neck are getting kinda reckless
It feels like there's a MIDGET at the end of my necklace!"

or, the one I keep repeating with a grin on my face..

"The owner of the club is pissed cuz we kinda late
But our outfits and our time gotta co-ordi-nate!"

Hee hee. :-)

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Californian Blue

On the

Dont sweat the technique - Eric B. & Rakim

Its the blue caused by the high dry air over the west,the intense sunlight reflecting much of the Pacific Ocean.

Cyn properly identifies the color as "Azure Blue".

The blue that drew me out here..

Yeah, what she said. :-)

Monday, April 19, 2004

Its NOT superstition if it keeps happening


I now have a sweet liddle laptop again, thanx to LilBro.

He also knows that Ive been Death On Laptops the last 2 years. Ive busted *counts fingers* 3, one twice, just in the past 2 years.

Granted, the itinerant life has been gruelling on ALL my equipment, but still.

Ive sworn Im gonna baby this one, which means:

- No tossing it into a backpack without protection.
- No tossing it into an unpadded satchel.
- No falling asleep with it lying on my bed.
- Baby diapers to clean it.

And the last one..

Dont load the game Total Annihilation on it.

*whimper* Thas where Im having trouble.

See, every time Ive loaded the full TA on a laptop, VERY soon afterward, they die.


Yeah, yeah, I know - the game itself didnt destroy the laptops, but still - I install the full program and within a short period, the machine is toast? ONCE is a coincidence...

Man, I NEED to play this game.

It satisfies me.

But I want this laptop to live.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

The Hills Are Alive.. no, turning brown.

Here in
Northern California, winter is the rainy season.

Spring is when the flowers bloom, and surprisingly.. the rain hardly falls.

Go figure.

Right now though, it is chilly and foggy, the days starting out glorious with increasing clouds and cold.

*shrug* Im getting used to it. Fleece is my friend.

On the other hand, NY'ers have been moaning up a great ol' storm. Seems that winter has sucked mightily in the Big Apple, what with chilly temps, rain, and whatnot.

I've heard.

Hey! It sounds like Northern California, without the sunshine.

Therefore, snark crept into my communications:

>Ive heard a lot of people bitching about this winter in New York.

Its fuckin APRIL tho. Where do you think you are, Northern California or sumpin? *peal of laffter*

We’ve had shiite weather since october, barely been 2 weeks without snow, so we’ve earned every right to complain. And just in case someone thinks that’s not enough rights to say so, let them know that we are nyerkers and we’ll complain anyway

Heheh. Soon, they'll be complaining about the heat.

*pshaah* I'll NEVER complain about the heat here in the Bay.

Heat being a relative thing in this air-conditioned bowl.

Where the hills turn brown...

Go figure.

When Bullshit walks

In pursuing
your dreams there comes a point past all the effort, strain and defending of your dream.

It becomes time to live your dream.

It feels a lot like reality, except for the part where you are doing exactly what you wanted to do, and with a little effort and will, exactly what youve dreamt of doing.
People have been giving me good advice:

"At some point, you do whats Good Enough. Dont compare yourself to other people, youre doing what YOU do."

"It really isnt all about you. Its also everyone who supports and believes in you. Its a community."

"Ive learned over the years, you do what you can, all that you can, and no more. You cant worry about what could be, you deal with THAT when you cross that bridge."

That was yesterday, and it is exactly what I needed to hear.
Speaking of advice, Tim the photographer has been giving me some..

On my push to get a studio:

"Look mate, you've got it made here. You dont NEED a studio. Then you have to worry about getting work to pay for it. No, get a place, work out of your home. If you need a studio, rent one or use the outdoors. Youve got great weather and light, and if you need heavy duty equipment, you can rent it."

Yeah. Very good advice from a man who is becoming one of the top pro commercial photographers. He's absolutely right.

Doesnt change that I WANT my own studio.

Currently, Im mulling the need to do some computer work to get some things done:

>thinking of printing a few flyers to do puter work

You know you can get some good moolah for doing that work but need to know when enough is enough. And then go do your own.

Yes. Because I cant get distracted from my dreams. He understands.
*sigh* Looks like LeGirl is reverting to form.

I might be over-reacting to a few days of sudden silence. Then again..

No, it's too soon to move on. I should be more patient.


Eh. Pity. The second time around looked so promising..