Saturday, December 27, 2003

This week's horrorscopes

VIRGO: Apply bottom to chair. Pick up pen. Write. It's resolution time.

With Jupiter in your sign, the next eight months are critical for Virgos. This is one of life's great windows of opportunity. Make the most of it. Expansion of all kinds gets the cosmic green light. Romance, too? Why not!

But what with taking over the world and all, when will you find time?

So, the resolution next year is .. get while the going's good, eh?

Nah, couldnt be that easy.
On the day after the day after Christmas, my tru luv gave to me

It's Three French Hens Day, kinda tired, slightly aggro'd.

Im still whistling christmas carols, but Ive cunningly disguised them with Jazz idioms so people dont think Im whacked.

I strongly want to get started on everything, and Im too ... mmm.. Im feelin' brain fuzzed.

Coffee from Au Coquelet didnt even dent it.

Shitza. Shoulda had their French Roast (brewed with steam, two shots, definitely wakes up yer heart Im here to tell ya).

Eh, merc is still retrograde and the fuzzy head is indicative of it (I recognise the physical effects now).

My instincts tell me now is not the time to go stupidly forcing issues.

Sooo... I gotta relax and chill.

*drum drum drum*

I think a VentiMochaBreveExtryMochaNoWhipNoFoam is in order. I have a Starbux gift card I aim to blow.

That'll help.
I was bouncing off the walls, talking non-stop.

MJ: "You sure are Mister Chatty this morning."

That would be me wired on espresso.

It aint pretty.

Friday, December 26, 2003

Christmas in the hills.



Walking up the &@^%#%@ hills of Oakland.

Warm, soft hugs.

Much food.


Snowball fights.

Muppet Christmas Movie.

Snuggled under the cover on couch.

Warm, sweet hugs.

Christmas party at Min Jung's place.

She rocks.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003


Equals "Everything is closed", which is how I've looked at the actual day for the last 15 years or so.

Another holiday to be endured and to have it be done with quickly.

One christmas day a few years ago, I walked out of the's old Rector Street offices to find that EVERYTHING was closed. Every single, solitary thing. Places that were literally 24/7 places, George's Restaurant, Mike's.. everything was shuttered. No traffic, few people, no business being transacted.

Just the rumble of the subways to tell you the heart of the city was still beating. But barely.

I had nothing to do or nowhere to go that Christmas morning. Wandering felt lonely in a city that never sleeps that had the shutters down everywhere.

New York on a Christmas morn was a fucking ghost town. Weird.

Oddly, that's about the absolute loneliest Ive ever felt.

Another Christmas morn found me walking out into an empty AT&T parking lot after a marathon two-day session of recovering a bunch of workstations from virii, which had munched on a lot of valuable data.

I remember the quiet, the weariness as I trudged to the car and the "Oh, is it Christmas already?" feeling.

So, I treat the day like any other holiday to be looked past. It eventually goes by. Time always flies if you know how.

So, its odd. This is prolly the first Christmas in a very very long time that Im planning for. Part of me flinches at the prospect of having it be a day to be endured.

Still, this time of being in Berkeley, in a weird, corny way.. everyday has been a sort of Christmas.

So, why should Christmas Day be any different?

Not to be *too* humble here

Today's horrorscope

Opportunities for soul-searching and philosophizing are plenty.
The world is more vivid and colorful when you understand the way things work on many levels, especially spiritual ones.

Reality is relative. You don't have to reject crazy notions in favor of conventional wisdom if you don't want to.
There are inner workings that aren't apparent until you analyze the scene.

Intelligence and a no-nonsense style make you sexy and exciting to be around.

Wha..whoa.. what was that last one there? :)

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

"I want Peace on Earth and a gift certificate and a pony.."

Just now, I commented on Sun's LiveJournal about what I want for camera gear, (SONY doesnt make professional camera gear :-p), blowing a personal rule of talking in public about what it is I REALLY want.

Sure, I want a Fuji S7000 and a Fuji S-2 Pro/Nikon D-100/D2H with all the lenses to make moola with..

But my dreams are bigger.

My own properly equipped professional studio, with all the accoutrements (espresso maker and art school co-ed assistants/models included).

My studio tho will be all digital workflow.

Which means what I REALLY want will cost Big Money.


Until I started helping pro photographers convert to a digital workflow, I didnt really know that there is a WHOLE NOTHER digital camera world out there.

The land of expensive digital camera backs. That come tethered to their own computers. With their own software.

So.. I want THIS.

Fujifilm DBP for GX680. 40 megapixel ouput. LARGE format. Oooh baby...

$22 Grand plus is the suggested retail.

Granted, batteries and the camera comes seperately - but hey, you cant have everything.

And this is just ONE of my dreams.

Yes, I dream big, but I dont tell people that.
They say the universe provides... but sometimes you wonder what the gods have up their sleeves when they hand out the goodies..

Cuz there is always a catch.

Yesterday, I got a brand new pair of Serious Boots. Good for wading into muddy, cold artic tundra. Or the rainy streets of San Fraincisco in winter (*larfs ass off*).

Ok, fine.

THEN today, I got a Lowe Alpine backpack.



Its got space for ALL my stuff and pretty much any camera gear, including tripods that I may ever need to carry.

Oh yeah, and in the backpack was a North Face Winter Jacket.


See questions 1 and 2 above.

So, to the universe which provides.. thank you for the christmas stuff.

What's the catch?
Oh yeah, I got the gear from a man who travels the world, writes books.. he is off to Thailand for the winter, and he was shedding accumulated gear he didnt need.

Cuz he needs to travel light.

A true Itinerant.

Monday, December 22, 2003

Ok.. next!

End of the year
, almost time for another resolution. A theme for the upcoming year.

Hmm. Every year, I pick something that I know will be a bit of stretch, worthwhile and ongoing.. and just weird and vague enough that I cant bullshit or rationalise myself out of it.

To rehash, this year has been about surrender.

Whoo. THAT'S been a doozy.

Surrendering to my lifelong fears of being homeless. Surrendering to alternate experiences. Alternate people. And a whole lot more I might write novels about.

But a big deal, was surrendering to love. And in retrospect, its been surrendering to intimacy.

Something Im NOT good at. Nor have I particularly wanted to on most levels... even as I crave it and conversely run as fast as I can for clear emotional air.

So, in 2003 - I surrendered. And then, I explored it further.

Mostly going along with the flow, sometimes making the tough and hard choices.

It feels as if Im finding my way to somewhere. Finally.

Now, I want more, but on my terms, natch.
This week's horrorscope

Think about it. Think about it hard.

This year was about intimacy -- either an attempt to achieve it or the need to deal creatively with the lack of it.

Now, as Christmas approaches and lucky stars light up your one-on-one house, Santa's largess includes a sweet and sensual breakthrough.
No one, but no one, deserves a tender moment more than you do.

Just don't do anything to Scrooge it up.

*Looking up from lacing up emotional running shoes*

Who? Me?
My morning Marn(tm) giving me a smile about the sappymushy stuff...
We were still speaking, but it was in the slightly formal tones that one uses when one is trying to mask the fact that one is very, very ticked off with the other person. It was a wonderful way to spend a special day. No. Really. I mean it.

That never going to bed angry rule is a good one. I apologized to him for being anal. He was generous enough to say the room will be more polished looking because I have been so fussy.

There was smooching and other stuff.

There is something to be said about living vicariously through others.

For one, its waaaay easier than living your own. :-)
Soooo, whats the resolution fer next year....


Dunno yet.

Maybe Im not asking the right questions...