What happens afterward

Patterns, Im all about patterns.

(Analysis, it's a virgo sickness.)

Fr'instance, what happens AFTER mercury retrogrades.
When a cycle passes, the circle of people Im around has changed, as either Ive left a certain group or come into contact with another.

The transitions are often dramatic, usually in restrospect.

When I first got to the East Bay, I hung with folk enamored of the hedonist/Burning Man/hippie lifestyle.

That rapidly got old.

Since then Ive been around a wide range of Berkeley folk, most transitioning or on the low end of their luck.

Theyve been fucking amazing actually.

Now, I find myself transitioning again.

The good part of this pattern is that out of each period, I get to hang on to a few Good People, who stick around over the years.

In the long term, thats the best part.

You know youre feeling creatively stifled when..

You do a flyer for your business, and it excites you simply manipulating typefaces in Word.

Shitza. Ive sunken low.

Ive got CD's with 10's of thousands of professional fonts, but no vector illustration program or computer to Have Fun With It in.

Bah.

Still, its fun.. figuring out the right copy and typefaces that works. (I'll send you text of the copy later lissa.. I think you'd get a kick out of it.. ie: "Is your performance lacking?" heee. Marketing CAN be fun. :)

Now, Id much rather be taking pictures, but this is a means to that end, sooo..

Heh, as David Mamet said on living your dream " You should have nothing to fall back on, because if you do - you will."

Zactly right.

Its a good thing I often scribble down notes when I wake up, cuz right now Ive got nuthin.

Col Jessep: You want answers?
Lt Kaffee: I think I'm entitled.
Col Jessep: YOU WANT ANSWERS?
Lt Kaffee: I WANT THE TRUTH!
Col Jessep: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

- A Few Good Men

Little did I appreciate that in opening my mind and trying to 'fix' myself so as to move onwards and upwards, that I would be opening doors to my psyche ...

Lets just say Im having a bit of a hard time handling the truth. Rather, my brain is. Digesting.

The Truth, with more coming every minute.

Im also appreciating that sometimes we have to be ready before we have our mind expanded.

Quite disorienting, it is.

But, exhilerating. In a weird, "I-will-understand-things-later-but-right-now-I dont-know-exactly-what-to-make-of-it-all-but-its-all-for-the-best" way.

Yeah.

Spiritual, not religious. Agnostic, but believes in God.

"You know Joe, for a man who isnt particularly religious, youre a lot more Christian than a lot of Christians I know.."
"How do ya figure that?"
"With the path youre on and what youve given up, youre doing a lot more than a lot of the folk who go to church, most of whom would be DAMNED if they had to give up anything in life."
"Eh."

I took that as a compliment.
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The other day I sent an email to a bunch of people on the question of success. It prolly had more than 10 instances of the word "God" in it.

Im usually way more circumspect than send off a tome that is overtly religious. Not my style, and I didnt intend to piss off anyone.

I apologize.

I appreciated this when a former marine sergeant bluntly asked me not to send religious stuff like that to him.

Still, when I explained what it was about (Does one deserve success and Does chasing success causes you to stray from a path of living right), he actually gave me some cogent answers on those questions.

The marine said: "You have to respect success. For some, when it comes too early or they didnt have to suffer for it, they take it for granted. But most assuredly, one DOES deserve success - if they respect it."

Others took the time to reply on length...

From Kim Scott, singer and actress:

I agree. A spiritual life and success don't have to
be in conflict. As for me, I think we keep getting blessings (of some sort) but at some point, our blessings (or success) won't increase until we have
shown (God) that we're ready for the next level or for whatever next is.

It’s no different than passing students on to the next grade level when they have not acquired the skills or knowledge to be successful at that level.

I know you get my point.

Heh, yeah I get your point. :-)


From Tracy J.

In the end....you reap what you sow.
Do I deserve success is like saying do I deserve life?
Passion is life.
It moves, it breathes, it speaks. It loves you back.
It is the step before happiness.
And without passion you can not be truly happy.
Isn't happiness the ultimate payoff from success?
Isn't happiness what we are all after?

Yeah.

Amen.

Dream machine

I walked across the street past the building where you pay the parking tickets and saw It.

It.

Perfectly styled, rakish, practical. THE scooter of my dreams.

I've always had a yen for scooters, even with my aversion to motorcycles (riding, safety, splat issues).

A scooter is the perfect get around machine. I dream of having one small enough to navigate a crowded city like San Francisco, but with enough oomph to get up the hills and zoom across the bridges.

Where a motorcycle is too much and a bicycle, well where a bicycle is too much work.

Something that crosses the line between motoring and going walkabout.

Ive always kept an eye out for one that could carry a big guy like me, powerful enough to take to the highways, practical enough to go shopping with but small enough to handle the city.

This motorcycle-styled tidbit is it.

Time slowed down as I approached it, and I hollered to the brothers to check it out.

Men LIKE machinery. It like candy.

A crowd quickly gathered.

We spent much time looking at the Dream Machine.

Perfect.

A choice machine such as this would definitely need a "blip blip" alarm tho.. dangit.
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It fell to hand as if hewn to my form.

I twirled the camera into position, aimed, fired.

The photo salesmen all react in awe.

"You know way more about these cameras than we do!" they chorus.

I never keep the S602 or S7000 in my hand for too long. That would seem callow.

I always power down the machines and hand it back to them, surely, but gently.

For me, this is reinforcement of my intentions.

But, Im counting the days .. yessiree...

A Pissy mood

Yesterday, I was ready, nay - *eager*, to post some vitriol .. but was stopped by the blogger gods (I swear a "Nov 11th, we will be down for maintenance" sign came up as I unsuccesfully tried to rant spew), so I left it alone.

Eh. Just a end-of-merc retrograde freakout... taking everything and everyone far too personally.

A bunch of us Virgos were discussing it yesterday, remarking that "we", being mental *cough*, tend to be affected acutely during these periods, tending to get too emotional.

Sorta like Spock getting in touch with his emotional side and having a violent reaction.

Shoot, we even hugged each other as we parted. Definitely non-virgo behavior. ;-)

Anyways, it'll be over soon.

*looks at watch*
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Ive really been feeling out of sorts today, sorta disconnected, unable to focus... natch, my horrorscope concurs

This is an unusual day when you're feeling not quite yourself. It's just a sign that your mind is expanding to include new definitions of you. You require a bit more flexibility in order to feel creatively inspired.

"Man, Im just feeling overwhelmed today, like Im cant even think about the things I gotta do..."
"Why you gotta be negative?"
"Eh?"
"Look. Just tell yourself the things you will be doing with all the money you're gonna make."
"Heh, I knew there's a reason I keep you around."
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Like many others, he stopped, slowly looked at me and then asked

"Do you work for the city?"
"No.", I answered, not moving.
"Oh.", he answered and then put his hand out.

I didnt take it.

I turned to Curtis instead and asked..

"Do I REALLY look like a cop?"
"Actually, you do resemble a couple of Berkeley officers, your features and the pepper gray hair."
"What is it that makes me look like one?"
"Well, sometimes you just look like a really nice guy, then sometimes you have this authoritative look to you, that tells people 'Dont even THINK about asking me what direction is the wind blowing..'."
"Ah, okay."


That's the best explanation Ive heard so far.
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Meh. Maybe I just need to sleep the day off.

Condolences to my friend Angeline for the loss of her brother in the line of duty.

January 2nd, 7:30am sunrise...after the rainstorms...

"Yeah, this year is gonna be a great year."
"Whoa. Dude, look over *there*, a rainbow!"

And we all turned and looked upward to see a *massive* rainbow spanning from the Bay over the Berkeley Hills.

It lasted over 10 minutes as we oohed and ahhed.

It was so spectacular that it made the front pages of the SF Chronicle AND the Oakland Tribune the next day.

We took it as a sign.

Well, we hoped it was a sign.

Yer intestinal fortitude requires an adjustment

This morn, I walked to Berkeley Espresso, the place with the free wireless I used to spend hours at.

I took my coffee outside in the golden but chilled sun to enjoy the light and the air, reading while the coffee lasted.

A little ways through Kara Swisher's "There MUST Be A Pony In Here Somewhere", an account of my old employer, Steve Case and AOL, I had an epiphany.

It was for the first time in a very long time that Ive had this feeling.

I was untroubled not having a computer or online connection.

Not a whit.

Interesting.

And when I was done with my coffee, I closed the book and went on into the brilliant sunshine.

Does this mean I wont be buying more machinery? Not at all.

But it does make me ponder if I may not need to put limits upon my time upon a computer.

Years ago, I remember a party Kate threw and as she led me into the maw of the mix (she knows how anti-sociable I could be.. Ive improved over the years), she went "No No Joey, NO computers tonight" as she felt me resisting and heading to her Mac.

Maybe I should start limiting my computer life, make it a habit, to allow room for .... life.

Not carry a laptop around with me 24/7. Restrict my professional exposure to working hours and only when necessary.

This may be beneficial.

For nigh on 12 years, except for periods of unwilling and grudging computer deprivation, Ive never been away from one for more than hours at a time.

As Ive grown to not like watching a lot of TV, and liking the benefits (reading, getting out and about and going to sleep more), yeah, I think this might be necessary.

Its not gonna be easy tho....