Saturday, October 04, 2003

I meant what I said...

... more than a year ago.

Most folk seem to be really missing the point..

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Ba ba, black mood

Except for when I was hanging out with Le Girl, I didnt laugh out loud much yesterday.

Apart from the warm moments, yesterday sucked.

Perspective was injected by a man who has been through stuff I cant even imagine, but keeps himself well dressed and smiling everyday. He reminded me.. "Things could be a lot worse, a whole lot worse."

Yes indeedy.

And again, the point of this exercise is to go through the tough times.

A quote from "Chef!" that made me laugh out loud just now..

"Yes Chef!"

"Please re-arrange this plate so that someone in the advanced stages of malnutrition will take a passing interest in it."

"Yes Chef!"

As the barista listened to me whine into the chilly and foggy Berkeley night, I posited that there are three things happening to me right now..

  • Someone put a curse on me
  • Its all happening for the greater good.
  • The gods are fucking with me.

    She chuckled and replied:

    "Karma will come back on those that do bad things, but I think its all for the good because thats what happens with good people, and youre a good person."

    That brought a smile. I thanked her.

    And wished very bad things upon the person who put that curse on me...
    She is extremely observant, but Le Girl was more surprised than I was when it turned out that the well-dressed and personable young man we were talking to outside Au Coquelet, under my probing, had been homeless in Berkeley...

    "How long did you go through it?"
    "About 2 years."
    "Doesnt it seem to be a rite of passage here to have been homeless here at some point?"
    "Yeah, it is."

    I clocked onto it when he offered to put up a girl for a few nights to escape her tale of a psycho room-mate.

    He understood.

    So did I.
    Me: *grump*
    LeGirl: Dont worry, it all happens for a reason. Go get some sleep.

    So I did.

  • Maskmaster

    As a master practitioner of stoicism myself, I can often tell what emotions are hiding behind a mask.

    When men are flirting with Le Girl, her expression doesnt change. I think she's had a lot of practice.

    She's also good at seeing past my mask.

    So, she'll look over to me and raise an eyebrow in greeting.

    But when she comes over, her face is all crinkles, dimples and goofy grins. And so I relax too.

    She doesnt have to put on the mask with me.

    And she is teaching me not to with her.

    Wednesday, October 01, 2003

    Do you remembah, when it was *mumble* in Septembah..

    My cousin Betty's was a couple of days ago.

    Then Anne, my second oldest sister's is the day after.

    Then the day after that was my father's.

    Today is Sonya's, the third oldest sister.

    Their birthdays.

    I stopped counting how old my relatives are now.

    Whats the point?
    Jeez, growing up around a bunch of Librans, my god - the horreur.

    Love 'em, but I leave those debate-hungry idjits alone generally.

    Heh. Lil Bro could say the same thing about his Virgo siblings. Love us, but man we can work a nerve.

    *pshaah* He's a Sag. Look who's talkin'. :-)

    Cranky ass.

    Nose clogged, sore throat.

    And its fucking foggy and cold here.

    I am cranky.

    I have a serious mean streak.

    Just because Im generally reserved and well-spoken, some may get the idea that I dont care to get loud.

    I can.

    Because I tend to try to resolve issues quietly, some come to the conclusion that I dont have the stomach for a fight.

    Actually, I like to brawl.

    But , I prefer to fight with a clear mind. And with a clear mind, I find its a waste of time to be pissed off at silly people.

    Im willing to make exceptions.

    Cuz I actually enjoy being an asshole.

    First tho, I warn them.

    LilBro calls my temper, even tho its infrequent, scary - because "you get quiet, and then you tell them what you gonna do with them, but politely. And you mean it."

    Someone is pissing me off. I have better things to do than engage this idiot.

    But Im ready to fight. For as long as it takes.


    *breathe* Usual procedure. Warn them in no uncertain terms.

    Then, if they dont heed the warning, its not my fault then, is it?
    Gah. Now my external drive case is dead.

    Jaysus, what else?

    Its getting to the point where Im failing to to see the good side of this shytte.

    Tuesday, September 30, 2003

    Angeline's picks...

    My picks from 2000 to August 2001 are attached. I couldn't resist adding commentary, heh!

    Staten Island, after the January 2001 blizzard.

    Hm. Almost too postcardy, ya think?

    Liberty Park, sunset.

    Ha! The wet joys of riding the subways during a snowstorm.

    Let me think about that one.. :-)

    Same storm, going for bagels. The guy thought me and Tracy were nuts, specially as we had a snowball fight after...

    One of my favorites, actually. I like the expression on his face.

    Heh. Nah, that was just a marker to show me freezing my arse of in Union Square...

    (dunno if anyone is ready for this next one, but it was haunting)

    Yeah, that one is goin up.

    (this next one's dramatic, gave me shivahs)

    Ironically, most people who saw that HATED it. The statue was just too graphic.

    That was before 9/11.

    Heh. THIS is one of my personal favorites too. Im not sure Im gonna display it, but I just like it...

    (I keep finding a lot of well composed shots involving the WTC...well, they are good pictures, as evidence next up)

    ? You like this?

    (more WTC, but I was looking purposely for a striking, unobstructed nighttime view of the Manhattan me sentimental, but it's frickin' gorgeous, man)

    Welll, its actually a sunrise shot.

    Whoo boy, I remember freezing my arse off getting these at 6:15am. Ten degrees on the waterfront, my god, with the breeze coming off the frigid water

    As Im visiting Ma in Brooklyn - a sprinkle of wet snow.. Some may call it corny, I like it.

    (dude! I love me some night shots, and this trip down Memory Lane I'm taking through your blog. Cannot believe we've been around this long--and this all, it is just from the blogspot page, have not hit the archives of pennantspages yet)

    I know, we've come a long way.

    Le Girl didnt like this one. I do. Im printing it.

    This has such a european feel to it, eh? I wont tell this is a Joisey shot. That goes up too.

    (HA! Talk about our life and times in this one...)

    Watcha mean?

    (this one's more print ad quality, I think, NY Nightlife Brochure and all...but for all that I like it)

    Hm. *thinks* Hm.

    (these two next make a very powerful study. it will stir something in people...dunno what....but it will)

    It already does.

    Gonna display them together.

    Huh? Whatsit you like about this? I dont get it.

    Ahh yeah. Remember, your old workplace, sun?

    It gets better every time I look at it.

    (Am hopeless Christmas Fairytale In New York junkie...gah...but pretty! pretty!)

    Heh, you and Poo both. I'll think about it.

    (this one was slow to load...glad I waited on it)

    Chelsea Piers looking over the Hudson into Jersey. I was on the roof of the Wagner studio. The sky just opened up, and the taxi's down below started honking aria's with their horns.

    Im glad I got it.

    Yeah. Also one of my personal favorites.

    (if I didn't already nab this one--)

    If I only had to pick only one from all my images for my wall, this is it.

    (I'm glad this one came back around...I was torn on it...but I really like it, so happy joy joy it showed up in a later entry at the end of 2001 and BAM! grabbed it)

    You like that? Hm. I might have to include it too.

    (quote from that last archive page of 2001--"Where will I go? Dunno. What will I be doing? Dunno." very Gauguin. Heh.)

    Heh. And there is no way I could imagine what was gonna happen...

    (sometimes, cannot resist a good people shot, model release concerns aside)

    Yeah. 23rd and 8th Avenue Pizza, 2am.

    Its so New York.


    Apropos of Nothing entries

    When youre young, obituaries are an abstract with little relevance.

    As a rule, no - I dont read the obituaries. But flipping through the LA Times, it suddently JUMPS in your face without warning, telling me all about the recent celebrities who Died Young and Unexpected like.

    So, the title of this piece is:

    When I became Aware of Mortality

    Ez. When people who are exactly your age die of natural causes.

    Older than you, sure - thats to be expected, younger than you- ah, tragic.. but you pay rapt ATTENTION when they are within your birth group.

    At 36 I read a NY Post entry of this big lug of 36 years-old dying while wrapping Christmas presents for his nephews and nieces.

    I paid close attention to all the details, cuz, I realized, it could have been me. Take away the Italian-American heritage, and make him Jamaican.. it WAS me.


    Now, Im reading of and looking at pictures of stunningly young people dying. 37/38. My age.

    Ive been lucky. Ive not had to attend the funerals of close family and friends.

    But both my parents have had strokes. My mom has lost her sister to breast cancer. My fathers famously long-lived siblings are being thinned out.
    And my ticker is acting up.

    My point?

    I dont feel old. Just aware.

    And I now, on occasion, stop and skim the obituaries.

    Driving back, full on Thai food

    "You know, we are gonna look back on this as a vacation. No bills, well fed, free to be."
    "Yeah buddy, I agree with you. But I dont wanna do this forever."
    "Me neither."

    Ive stayed with friends, done a few overnights - and every time Ive had the urgent urge to flee.

    I thank my hosts and go back to camping out.

    I like waking up under the stars so much that when someone suggested I go up to Northern California and camp out, the idea actually appeals to me, a man who used to look at a sleeping bag roll with distrust.

    Now, I feel stifled staying under someone else's roof, however benign or pretty my hosts.

    I seriously intend to do some camping out in my travels.

    Still, its no life to live long term.

    It will end soon.
    When the grandmotherly lady told me the tales of her life, the thing that raised the hairs was not the tales of drug use, prostitution, degradation.


    What scared me the most was her assertion of being homeless for 2 and a half years.

    "The object of the exercise was to go through this to get SO sick of it that I will avoid this condition like the plague."

    "Are you sick of it, yet?"

    "*sigh* If Im being honest with myself, no. No, not yet, not totally."

    Ive definitely changed in these last few months. Im tougher of mind. More decisive. My mind and eyes have been opened by the people Ive met and encountered. Ive got stories to tell.

    But, the hard road has gotten old.

    Monday, September 29, 2003

    Witchy's View*

    *(think Miles Davis and his album Witches Brew. Get it, get it? Just a way to trip on my friend Sherry Lynn (aka WitchyPoo or Poo for short) point of view, which is as seemingly off-kilter as jazz, but beautiful as you pay attention..)

    These are her picks for exhibition...

    (I'll be adding to this entry as time permits..)

    Trite to you.
    To a provincial, it's an awesome image.
    Especially the light that looks like it is topping the tree.
    Nice composition. Betcha went all over to find the right

    Actually, its one of my personal favorites.

    It was taken around the winter of 1999, Rashid and I were out Christmas shopping, and we were crossing the street by 35th. Actually, that was a quick shot, all of 2 seconds to prepare and shoot.

    There is another image that goes with that, one of looking straight up Broadway 10 blox to Times Square, the traffic light, but a lot of people, the sleet and rain creating lights and shadows all their own...

    Never thought of printing that one tho, but Angeline also picked it.

    Okay, maybe.

    Rather fonda this one.

    Hm. The Pleasanton BART station, around November 2000.

    I'll see how that prints out.

    Alrite, cars don't do it for me, but this...
    I likes it.

    Heh. It is cute, but I dunno if Im gonna be blowing that up for display.

    That was Fort Lauderdale, where expensive cars are a dime a dozen, and everybody has aspirations in crazy South Florida.

    This one makes the viewer wonder wtf is going on here.
    I like that in a photo.


    Its Fort Lauderdale Beach, one early sunday morning. I think it was a group baptismal.

    Pretty trippy.

    Would make a cool surrealist hanging though...

    I have always loved these shots, they stand alone but
    there is something about the colour temperature that is so fetching.

    Yeah, that group is definitely in.

    Dawn on the SI ferry traversing NY Bay, the night fog over Manhattan burning off (no, its not smog at all) at first light, giving it that hazy yet colorful feel.

    The trees look like they are painting the sky.


    Evocative. I like that in a photo.

    Heh. It wasnt meant to be that deep as I ran in and out of the surf.

    But hey, thats why Im asking for the eyes of others...

    OMG! Amazing! You hafto keep the colour on this un, tho..

    Wow. Yeah.

    Hawks Cay, Marathon Island, Florida Keys.

    Yeah, thas a keeper...