Saturday, February 11, 2006
Friday, February 10, 2006
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
When you speak of me ... and you will ... be kind.
- 'Crash' Davis in Bull Durham
Anyone who knows me in real life, knows that I tend to have a chip on my shoulder.
Part of it is because I think Im right all the time, and whatever path I choose, no matter how fewlish or ill-advised or even ruinous it seems, Im hell-bent on doing it anyway. So people talk about me. And theyre not usually kind.
This frustrates my little brother no end, for he wants to defend me - but
I dont make it easy, so he has to agree with 'em.
He doesnt understand this is a motivating factor for me. I mother and swaddle my lil chip.
lilbro: i dunno man, i know u my BIGGER brother, but somethimes u do some shit an i be like "what the fuck"?
JPennant: you know, i apologise for that - but I always said _ I have to go thru this
lilbro: u r unreal
JPennant: I used to wonder what was the point of all this
JPennant: now I know
lilbro: now u gonna try an prove 2 me what the point is. u been doin dat 4 like years now. tellin me u gotta go thru this. tryin to find yourself
JPennant: Heheh. I wasnt trying to find myself. Never even said that.
lilbro: u definetly one of those woodstock niggas i read about
JPennant: Me? A hippy? Nah.
JPennant: I was trying to GET someplace, just didnt know how
lilbro: nah not true
lilbro: u not slow
lilbro: or dumb
lilbro: u know how to get there, u jus scared of failure
JPennant: you know - THAT is true
lilbro: people who r look for ways out b4 they even try
lilbro: always got an excuse or something along those lines
JPennant: I always said youre a wise man :-)
lilbro: yeh been gettin that alot lately.
When I try to get people to understand what Im about (when I care), one thing I insist on is I ask them to be straight with me. Dont lie, dont equivocate - be straight. I may not like it, but I can handle it better than tact, hints and mind reading. Few things irritate me more. So, when I ask - Im asking.
lilbro: go ahead
JPennant: How good of a photographer do you think I am?
lilbro: i dunno if u got a gift, cant say, u do need practice. However .....and this is important
lilbro: when i show your work to hicks an niggas who browse through my pics an shit an they come across your stuff
lilbro: they pause
lilbro: an ask me who took it or where i got it from
lilbro: i tell them its u
lilbro: and they say its beautiful, or real eye catching
lilbro: one chick said u got rough talent, and a great eye for noticing what people dont notice
lilbro: my "village" frieds r more voicey, as u can imagine
JPennant: Heheh, yep. Cool. You show off my shit, eh :-)
JPennant: how do they see my stuff?
lilbro: girls r real nosey lookin for hoes numbers an stuff
lilbro: when they use my lap top or desktop
lilbro: i had put that chick in the red scarf on the screen saver once
lilbro: remember dat pic?
JPennant: of course
JPennant: Id agree with your assessment
lilbro: niggas an chicks really liked it, of course once i told em i aint know her
JPennant: Its only a few weeks ago when I thought I was finally ready to start doing this shit for real, no matter hwo much praise I was gettin
lilbro: 2 much praise isnt a good hing, not enough can intimidate u
JPennant: many folk thought I was ready 3 years ago
JPennant: I thought I needed more practice and work
JPennant: give you an idea
lilbro: photos r good, but they r nothing without good writing now adays cause everybody got a pic of somethin
lilbro: i like the way u can paint a picture with no picture
Since he isnt one to give me unvarnished praise (Im his brother, brothers are to be loved but abused - that is the way of things), this made me smile. :)
JPennant: my lil brother said something about me that I still dont quite see or understand - but i know to be true
JPennant: something about my fear of failure
MisterB: hmm, does kinda make sense tho... leave it to your bro to lay it on the line :-)
JPennant: my brother in his more lucid, non-impulsive moments is a wise man
JPennant: was reading this article in the SF examiner this morn
JPennant: My idol, Peter Drucker, the recently deceased management consultant and author said, ?People who don?t take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year. People who do take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year.?
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
One of the odder consequences of living an itinerant life in the bay area is that I know some of the more prominent street performers personally.
She's more of an artist and actress, but i do know her too (Im supposed to do some fine art work w/ her) but, she was working, i didnt bug her.
Folk oft mistake me reading my horoscope as looking for a prediction of the future.
Nah. I have my friend Poo for that.
No, I actually read them looking for thematic cues, more for confirmation (or not) of themes going on in my life. Makes me feel better about decisions Ive already made, or decisions Im about to make, or to temper my enthusiasm for the silly shit Im doing.
The hardest part I think is not reading what I want to believe.
Right now - Im aiming to make changes toward living the kind of life I want to live.
So, todays horroscope, right on time, sez:
The next few days are going to be crucial for your ambitions, and the most important thing is that you think through your plans and settle on a long-term course of action. Doubts will come - they always do - but you must not deviate from the path you have chosen to take. It may not be the only path but it is the right one for you.
For me, anyway - it's often more right than not. Not as accurate as Poo, but then again - who is? :)
Interestingly, there are often seeming contradictions in the horrorscopes. Fer example:
It may seem as if everything has come to a stop on the work front and, because you are so desperate to push ahead, it will be frustrating. However, maybe it is for the best that you cannot start anything new just at the moment. It could be you will soon be following a very different path.
Eh, my reading of these tea leaves tell me I just need to chill and be patient for a bit. In time, in time.
Monday, February 06, 2006
JPennant: Hrm. I have little money saved, my prospects on the creative path arent for sure, I want to quit my job.
JPennant: so, my horrorscope today sez ...
JPennant: A false security is still false, no matter how seemingly secure. You're ready to forge a new path and strike out on your own. Go for it!
JPennant: The Universe has more faith than I do. :-)
Glinessa: too funny
JPennant: Think I'll go have a decaf and a bagel and think on it :-)
Glinessa: that is definitely deep
Unlike many, there arent many cars from my childhood I'd like to have. Maybe a Citreon CX (the way they rise on startup still makes me giggle), an original Range Rover or a Jag XJ-12. But really, most modern cars are leagues better than their forebears, nostalgia be damned.
However, then as now, Im drawn to the classic Mercs of the 70's, in particular the S-class sedans of the late 60's and early 70's. Just something about them.