From a recent entry in Erm's brit-based journal...
*Trustafarian - a young member of the idle rich, usually slumming it on mummy and daddy's money. Lucky bastards.
Heheh. I love that word.
Just the imagery has me dying laffing, seeing the clueless trustafarians of NYU hang about Union Square and the West Village.. :-)
Actually, I have a pet peeve about non-rastafarians wearing dreads.
I have always hated seeing increasing numbers of folk wearing dread styles and extensions.
And most of them have not a frikkin clue as to the significance of it.
It used to be mostly folk down with Bob Marley and intellectuals looking for a distinctive cachet.. now you cant walk the streets of NY without being whipped about the face with variations on the braided 'dreads' theme.
They dont realize the struggles and grief people had to go through just to be able to live wearing that expression of their religious beliefs.
And by the way, a word for some of those folk wearing them.. the scriptures said that the locks were to be uncut and uncombed, but didnt say 'unwashed', aright?
Saturday, February 24, 2001
Moo's reputation preceded her.
Carol warned me.. "She's not a lap cat.."
Other folk had less flattering things to say about the legendary Moo.
So by the time I came over to house-sit and cat-sit Carol's cat.. I already had a plan of action:
I was gonna treat her like any other difficult woman....
I was gonna ignore her.
NO attempts to get near her.
NO attempts at affection.
I wasnt even gonna talk to her.
At first.. Moo was cool wid dat.
Then she saw I was dead serious, as I went about my business. I showed not one bit of interest.
By the night, she was starved for attention and not a happy camper.
She showed her displeasure as only a cat can.
Then meowled to get my attention
I stoically cleaned up the mess without an admonishing word. I kept ignoring her.
That scared her. She meowled some more, then after I closed the bedroom door, I didnt hear from her all night.
When I woke up, I didnt see her, until I searched in the closets and she streaked out.
I was so obviously a monster, she just looked at me and didnt even meowl.
Good. When theyre scared and confused - its time to switch tactics.
I put my hand down to her level as a peace offering, then sat down in Carol's favorite chair.
She eyed me, padded up and over for a bit - then came up beside me.
The cat who doesnt let anyone touch her was now ALL affectionate, pressed up against me, showing how cuddly New Yorkers can be once they get to know you.
I had never heard this cat purr before, was now purring as I had my hand deep in her fur, all over her, clouds of hair rising up around us as her tail whipped maddly.
Yo, I had my hand on her STOMACH yo.
No CAT will let you do that.
Of course, as with women - the battle of wills is never over.. but fer now, Moo is all comfy again, coming up to me as I write and at ease in her house.
Hey, she even jumped into my lap for some love.
Not a lap cat, eh.
Friday, February 23, 2001
JPennant: <-- playing The Afros - Feel It
*bobbing head, imaginary 2-foot high afro waving in the breeze*
Going thru Carol's mp3's..
No, no, no, no..
If youre gonna download the stuff ya see I listen to - get the RIGHT ones.. sheesh
The Art of Noise's Beat Box f'rinstance. NOT the crappy bass driven US version.. but the 12 inch (8 1/2 minute) classically driven European version thats called Beat Box - Diversion I. MUCH better.
Da Brat's Funkdafied?. The cleaned up radio version is MUCH smoother.
Sheesh.. *flip.. toss*
"Oh, those are the high-class donuts.. theyre 85 cents.."
"High class, huh"
"Yeah theyre the special ones."
Maybe it was the glossy dark chocolate.. but I fell for it. I bought one with the decaf.
This donut shop (yay) is at the foot of the hill from Carol's house where Im house-sitting her cat for the weekend...
Great view of the harbor.
*munch* I think the master baker that produced these 'high-class' donuts goes by the name of Entenmanns.....
Intake of breath
.....the growing wasp of thoughts competing for my full attention is not making me clear-headed.
Just for clarity's sake, sometimes I wish I could seperate my feelings from thoughts, as its hard as hell to handle my emotions.
I need a girlfriend.
Sex is almost the least of why that is.
Im sick and tired of having to be prepared to not give a shit.
Now, I do have great folk near and far who give me luv and comfort and who have my back.. but at the end of the day, I live my life and they live theirs.
Which means, I have to purge the feelings because that would mean I would be crossing friendship barriers and all.
I cant escape being a Virgo.. but even folk as stubbornly self-reliant as we are need that singular love and comfort.
The hard reality, taught to me again this past year is that most women are looking for - to use a quaint term -a good catch.
(Convo the other day)
kate: you cant put it down to all just money..ok that is not fair
JPennant: No, that is the hard reality hon.
JPennant: Its not all money, but you make the choices as to what you feel is best, ultimately.
JPennant: I'll try to get my shit together so that folk wont feel like that theyre taking a chance on me, and they could do better.
JPennant: It was J that made me appreciate this.
JPennant: 'It is about the money, honey'
kate: see i disagree
kate: i dont think it is about the money
kate: yeah of course it is nice to have money and throw it around
kate: but, THAT is not why people choose to be with others (unless they are cold, goldiggers)
JPennant: True. But that is a BIG reason
kate: some people are like that
JPennant: The point is
JPennant: when youre picking a romantic partner
JPennant: they preferably have to be able to take care of themselves and have decent prospects.
JPennant: that was the issue with me, hon.
JPennant: Everything else simply couldnt get past that.
Part of aiming to become a better man.
Thursday, February 22, 2001
Staten Island, NY (10303)
WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY UNTIL 500 AM EST FRIDAY
Today: Cloudy with occasional snow showers. High 26. Winds SE 5 to 10 mph.
Snow accumulations of 1 to 3 inches.
Tonight: Cloudy with snow. Low 24. Winds NE 5 to 10 mph.
Snow accumulations of 2 to 4 inches.
eman: Sup dude
JPennant: hey. wassup son
eman: Hey is it snowing up there???
JPennant: sure is
JPennant: just heavy
JPennant: not much wind
kate: things happen for a reason.....if you fight it.....i think you are trying too hard
a twinkle in her eye
a twinkle in her eye."
- Passing Me By
Exchange Place PATH Station, Hoboken NJ
Soul II Soul - Keep on Movin'
JPennant: Im ins an odd mood . Lots to say, dunno how/dont feel like saying it.
kate: you ll figure it out:-)always do
JPennant: heh :-)
Skee-Lo - I Wish
Wednesday, February 21, 2001
I must be stupid.
Yesterday. Mild, near 50's.
I coulda taken care of bizness, beef patty and bagels then.. but nooooo....
Staten Island, NY (10303)
Partly Cloudy 38°F to a low of 17°F tonight
Wind: From the Northwest at 17 mph gusting to 33 mph
Wind Chill makes it feel like 2 -17 °F
Fun, fun, fun.
JPennant: Should I go?
JPennant: youre mean
kate: silly, what else would you expect?
kate: I'll call t and ask her to pick some up
kate: do you want me to ask her?
JPennant: nah, I'll go. I dont think she will want to be carrying 24 bagels in the morning. :-)
JPennant: Plus, Ive been home all weekend. Serves me right.
Tuesday, February 20, 2001
I am craving:
- The best cheesecake in New York.
Havent found it yet.
All the guides for NY say its Juniors, on Flatbush in downtown Brooklyn.
Bullshit. That crumbly crap is not worth crossing the Brooklyn Bridge for.
The best New York Cheesecake Ive had was in Chicago at a now defunct NY style deli (that now houses a Kinko's), across the street from the Northwestern campus in downtown Evanston.
Ooh, its been nearly 12 years - and my mouth still waters at the memory of that 3 inch high platter of graham crust, creamy cheese feeling and mile high topping of strawberries. Mmm.
The jewish owners of that place assured me that such goodness was commonplace in New York.
I have not found anything like it so far in NY. Im still looking.
Although, the ricotta cheesecake served at Pellegrino's in Little Italy aint at all shabby.
- A genuwine phat Jamaican Tastee style beef patty.
Next to Jamaica and Miami.. New York must be the beef patty capital of the world.
You can get it almost anywhere. Almost any deli or bodega will have it.
So why am I now having a hard time finding that quintessential combination of thickly ground spiced beef and flaky pastry crust?
It used to be, they were baked on premises.
Now, theyre frozen at factories and shipped to everywhere, where theyre essentially reheated .
Not the same thing.
Not sublime goodness that can be found easily anymore.
My luck to be jonesing for it right now.
Heh. Jules of NY kept repeating .. "mmm.. I want beef patty.." the other day as I mentioned it.
Right now, so do I.
Fuck the cold tomorrow evening. Brooklyn, here I come.
Mmm. The place by Kates house in Bay Ridge has their 3.99 for a dozen special on Wednesdays.
Surprisingly, apart from the breakfast cart on the corner of 50th and Broadway - I havent found anything as good.
It has sucked royally here on Staten Island.
I am so jonesing to go walkabout in Chinatown....
Im blaming Kate for making me hungry today.
JPennant: you ever check yer secondary mailbox? :-)
McClint: yep sure do almost daily
JPennant: heh. I thought you were glad to avoid my spam :-)
McClint: hehehe naaaa
McClint: your spam is usually good stuff
JPennant: That is good to hear. I just wanna share what I see.
McClint: although there was one i saw the other day that for whatever reason i couldnt make sense of it! but i think i was probably having a severe brainfart and forgot how to read :-)
JPennant: which one?
McClint: cant even remember
McClint: but i have those days sometimes...... like the checkout girl scanning and rescanning your box of macaroni & cheese .. soemtimes ya just gotta manually input it
JPennant: oh my. youre not even 30 yet :-)
McClint: nope, but i think it just might be the occasional dyslexia
JPennant: everyone has that
JPennant: mebbe you need to start eating more 'brain food' :-)
McClint: uhhh Dr Pepper and Funyuns?
JPennant: yoohoo's you fewl, yoohoo's. :-)
McClint: my prefered brain fuel is Cherry Coke and M&M's. drop 5 or 6 m's into yer cold bottle of Cherry Coke ..... watch the acid eat thru the candy shell
JPennant: Oh, shit. YOU are hardcore!!
McClint: and when you finish the cherry coke, you get a yummy candy surprise at the bottom.
JPennant: You know this convo is going into a blog as we speak, right? :-)
McClint: of course
JPennant: man o man :-)
McClint: i think any IM that makes Joe say "Oh shit" with exclamation marks anywhere after makes it onto your web page
McClint: I think i got you pegged
JPennant: nah, just for the good shit. :-)
Looped on the mp3 casbah...
Shaggy - It wasnt Me
Barry White - Practice What You Preach
Cheryl Lynn - To Be Real
EU - Da Butt
Janet - Throb
NIN - Closer
Shaggy w/Janet Jackson - Mr Lover
Tribe Called Qwest -Bonita Applebaum
My old friend Sergio, back in the day - used to fast on every Friday, according to his religious beliefs.
The only thing he would eat was the occasional fruit and drink water to keep his sugar level up and stay hydrated.
I did that for years, but stopped when I became a geek.
Lately, I havent been eating much - didnt even eat on Saturday.
Just didnt feel like it.
I think of it only because Ive been hearing increasing complaints of my friends eating more than usual these last few days and weeks.
Its symptomatic of the stress of the periods before AND after St Val's Day.
Man, Im glad I decided to just go with the flow and just relax this V-Day.. whoo...
And drinking lotsa water.
Monday, February 19, 2001
I'm not gonna have a cat.
Not in the forseeable future anyway.
Having a cat is not conducive to living the mobile laptop life that I desire.
I may get fish instead.
When Id babysit my niece, when she was a toddler.. she would be lively and rambunctious and fight with her last whine and plead the sleep schedule my sister had her on.
Of course, she would be unconscious 5 minutes past that bedtime - but as Id tuck her in, she would wake up and say "Go to bed too, Uncle Joey".
I'd tell her "Soon, sweetheart" and she would be out again.
Im reminded of that, as every time I go into the study for some computer time late at night.. HappyCat comes padding in chirping at me.
No matter if he has ignored me all day, he comes in chirping at me to go to bed.
I'll stroke his fur as he curls around me, tell him "I'll go to bed soon, papi", and after a few more chirps, he'll yawn and pad back to the comforters.
It's just a cat.
I didnt want to get into this, but all right.
You ask why Im upset.
Because you said I should have faced up to reality, and not be deluded about your intentions.
Here is the thing.. I really dont like deluding myself. About anyone.
To the point I will believe the worst in people, as far more often than not, sooner than later, I wont be disappointed.
Because believing in folk in this day, age and culture means one is deluding oneself, and not being realistic.
I decided to take a leap of faith, and believe in you tho.
Even though I didnt expect you to live up to what I asking - I decided, after MUCH deliberation and rationalization, to consciously make the decision and believe.
I was not being as capricious or as foolhardy as it appeared.
And I needed to believe in somebody.
All my friends thought I was losing my mind, shit-canning all my pride.. as they thought I was being unbelievably reckless in being deluded in having faith in someone.
They didnt and couldnt see it working it out.
Hell, I had my own doubts.
So did you.
Someone asked me "Doesnt she know you have some really important shit to deal with?"
But I told them, hey, its not her, its me - I gotta have faith.
Much was the noise I heard when some found out that all their warnings were right.
As someone put it "She took the better offer. New York does that to women."
They were expecting it.
So was I, as I was the least surprised of them all.
Of course, as I would have done the same thing, if I were being realistic.
I was relieved, cuz hey.. now I didnt have to worry about having faith in anyone.
I could now not worry about any distractions and focus on the things I have to do.
But I will not regret having a little faith in someone.
I still had my pride.
So, I told them to mind their fucking beeswax, as I made my decisions consciously, with much thought and with no regrets.
My pride was still intact.
Until YOU told me I shouldnt have been so stupid as to have deluded myself.
And in defending yourself, you kept saying it.
Unfortunately, of all the things you couldve said, THAT would be exactly the wrong thing to say right then.
THAT would make me upset. And stay that way.
I dont know if you appreciate how much work it is to have faith.
Am I mad? Not really, as now that I dont have to delude myself - it clears my mind.
Remember, I did ask you to be straight with me.
That is all I asked.
I expected more, but that is all I asked.
Cause if I counted on myself to appreciate that I was deluding myself - to know any better - I wouldnt have bothered making the leap of faith at all those months ago.
RIght now, Im wishing I didnt have to say all this nonsense, because love isnt about hating the ones you care about.
But Im defending my pride and future right now.
Oh, you didnt mean me?
Well, never mind then.
Oh, man, I do miss that camera.
Today was a beautifully mild and bright day.
Cant buy color like that.
A new camera is on my shopping list.
What is on my list?
Well, as soon as I get fitted with my noose again and the rent, bills and debts are paid...
- Laptops: A decent grade Pentium and a G3 Powerbook. Yes, I would need both.
- Camera.. A Fuji Finepix 4700.. although with excellent alternatives out there.. I'll be shopping around.
- The Ricochet service. As much as I like hi-speed service.. I like mobility and independence even more...
- A nice suit or two. It bothers me that I dont have any in my wardrobe now...
- Coupla round-trip tickets. There are trips I wanna take, people I wanna see, honey I gotta pick up...
And thats the short term.
The Mercedes 400E will have to wait. :-)
HappyCat is being madd insistent now.
Hilarious with his eyes half-closed, stumbling around. :-)
Soon, papi, soon.
Even though she lives in the wilds of Quebec, I will have to concur with Marn on this point:
I have risen from my sickbed to say a few words about The Weather Channel:
LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.
There, I feel much, much better.
None of the well-dressed TV weather-folk of New York have been able to get the weather right, until they start doing the "The Blizzard of the Season".. or the "The Bone Chilling Cold of the Season" specials to fill the dead air time.
They just love hyping everything in New York.
Every time they say its gonna warm up.. we get blistering wind chills instead.
At least the cold dampens my walkabout tendencies and keeps me from heading into the city to spend cash I dont have.
Did I mention that its cold?
Back in the day, not so long ago - I used to be able to remember everyone's birthdays easily.
Date, time, places of birth.
Credit the virgoan talent for keeping things in order.
Now, apart from close family - I cant remember squat.
Must be one of those signs of advancing senility, me being middle-aged and all..
But thats not good tho - like right now I have too many Piscean lovelies with birthdays coming up - and they only ACT like they're forgiving souls....