Saturday, May 12, 2001

I wish..

"I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl
so then
I could call her
I wish I had a rabbit
in a hat
a bat
a six four father.

I wish I was a little bit taller, y'all."

- Skee-Lo I Wish

- I wish I had some quality pots and pans so I could cook more.

I have a saute pan, and two pots. Thats it.

I would love a couple of woks, cast iron pans, non-stick well built pots and a 'dutch' pot.

Hmm. Maybe I could use a pressure cooker too.

A pressure cooker. That was the last thing my Aunt Ellen asked me for. And she NEVER asked for anything.

And I never came through. :-(

- I wish we could have some rain and wash this pollen storm outta the air.

Even people who have never had an allergy attack are succumbing to this pollen storm.

We need some steady rains to abate the dust and bring some relief.

You can hardly think when you can hardly breathe....

- I wish I could relax.

Money isnt going to end all my worries (it usually brings up some other worries.. boys and girls.. let no one ever know you have money.), but I just wanna live and live my dreams.

Money would allow me to focus on them.

But without the motivation to think of solutions that poverty provides, I would prolly still be wondering why I'm vaguely dissatisfied with life.

I'm not dissatisfied with life, but I am tired of not having some long term stability.

Then again, as I told Jules of NY recently.. if I had to choose between being rich and dissatisfied and poor but focused - I would always choose the latter.

But still....

- I wish &%#$)*& blogger would work.

Ive wasted much of these last few days trying to simply publish entries and retrieve lost archives.

But apart from hating Ev with a passion he can only dream of right now.. its not so bad.

That boy is in over his head and distracted by the notoriety.


Blogger was supposed to be a temporary publishing solution until I got a semblance of stability back.

Well, I assumed that meant I would have the cash to have a laptop powerful enough to run Dreamweaver again...

But shit. I have all the tools to design or appropriate my own solutions right now.

And Ive been meaning to redesign my site properly and bring it out of the HTML 3 days.

Really, if push came to shove, I COULD put dreamweaver on this thing.. but nah.

Im learning the technologies behind the internet, so why not take advantage to learn more?

Its not a tragedy, its an opportunity.

- I wish I had some steady companionship.

A sex-obsessed (some call him a perv) piscean friend suggested the next time I swing by Berkeley, to come by and swing.

Not to dance..

Heheh. I admit, for a hot minute there.. I said "Hmm...." :-)

But Im still a Virgo. Anything beyond twosomes make me uncomfortable. :-)

I realized with a start, that in the year since I met Da Girl, I have not dated at all.


And yet.. Im in no hurry to do anything or be with anyone.

Things arent so bleak.

Ive been meeting women my own age, who know what they want.

These last coupla years, Id forgotten what that was like.

Its been a very nice change, but then - aint nuthin for free.

Right, B? ;-)

Ex-husbands, ex-boyfriends, CURRENT boyfriends, kids, expenses.

Whoo. All that.

(There is no term Ive grown to hate worse than "the children's father/aka the baby's daddy". That fucker is NEVER out of the picture, even if he's not around and never there. He's always on somebody's mind and everpresent.)

Heh. You know what, maybe what I have now.. peace, quiet and a lack of drama aint so bad. :-)

I should enjoy this while it lasts.
On the bright side though, I have and have had much of the things Ive wished for in my life.

As I said, Im not dissatisfied with my lot in life.

So, I guess - above all else..

I should give thanks.


Down Broadway and around Wall Street area mostly, there are street vendors selling books, and many (mostly indian and pakistani immigrants) have specialized in selling naught but technical books to cater to all the tech types making bank in the financial industry..

Their stock is pretty impressive.

However, Ive been on the hunt for Solaris books.. and walking down Broad Street yesterday, I found one.

But the vendor wasnt around, so his vendor buddy was watching out for him.

I picked up the book, flipped through it, saw that it was EXACTLY what I needed, and the price was clearly marked on it.. 20 bux for a 60 dollar book.

Cool. I tried to haggle it down further.

I NEVER pay full price on the street anymore. Ive learned. I haggle now.

Unfortunately, this wasnt his cart. So he refused to budge from the 20 bux.

He wasnt authorized to haggle. Shit.

New York rule #24:

Once youve opened your opening offer, unless its an exceptional bargain that you cant find elsewhere.. be prepared to walk. And if an offer isnt made, walk. You will find it elsewhere.

Dont lose face paying full price.

Remember the rallying cry of savvy New Yorkers..

"EVERYTHING in New Yawk is five dollahs."

I tried to cajole him into negotiating, but he had a code.

He couldnt haggle on the stock that wasnt his.

So I walked.

Ah well, I really dont have the cash to be buying anything anyway, even though this was important.

I gotta make everything stretch until I got cash flowing again.

If only he had haggled tho...
Ugh. Im jonesing for a patty.

Hell, I had TWO in Brooklyn yesterday.. and not the mass produced ones either.

The big ones. With properly spiced meat, flaky crust, and the ever so righteous cocoa bread to hold them in.

All baked on premises.


That shoulda sated me for a month.

But no Im craving.

If it werent for the allergies, I would go to Brooklyn right now.


Damn, this craving might make me do something stupid.. like go out and buy a chalupa....

Under the category of if its not one thing, its another..

Now the electricity to my bathroom is out, and the breakers seem to be working.


Gotta have electricity to read in the library and to idly check yer zits...
If its not one thing.. Part II

And now &$%#$%*% blogger is unable to update.

Between it losing my archives for most of this year and this...


Hasnt he heard of redundancy and NOT putting changes on your main machines first??


So what if im not paying for this. The community is STILL paying (indirectly and directly) his daily bread and contacts by using blogger.

Changes shall be made.

Walking down a Brooklyn street this past evening...

"U is a yahdie?"
Me: "Yeah mon."

(How the hell could he tell I was a Jamaican?)
"Wha' part?"
"Kingston. Duhaney Park."
"Ee-hi? Which school?"

(Kingston College. An institution known for excellent scholars, athletes and free-spirited.. err.. rogues.)
"Hahaha. You is a bad bwoy!!"
"Yeah mon."

(A rep we are proud of. :-) Fortis Cadere Cedere Non Potest, y'all.)
"Irie, boss. "
"One love."

If I had moved to New York when I was younger, I wouldve kept my Jamaican accent, being around all the Yard folk.
I wouldnt have needed to fit in as much as I had to in the midwest where I had to flatten my accent.

Now, Im only able to speak Jamaican to other Jamaicans.. and even then...


This is her going into her backyard aiming the camera and...


Good good, the aiyah chica(like most pisces chicas I know) just has talents flowing...


This I didnt know.

Lose your bank card in the ATM, and instead of sending it to the bank of the cardholder, the bank holding the ATM will now cut it up.

"Nope," said the teller when I went back there to retrieve it..."I am NOT kidding."

Itsa security thing apparently.

I wouldve noticed it missing if I wasnt talking to the pretty woman with me.

*sigh* I lost a company cell in a cab because I was distracted by a pretty woman.

I swore that would not happen again.

That'll learn me.
"World famous"?

JPennant: whats an Ohana?
mars: family
JPennant: A-woah
JPennant: (Jamaican for "Ohhh") :-)
mars: heehee

Yeah, Sun.. youre definitely in the Ohana.. :-)
The pollen is so bad, Im rubbing my eyes trying to get the pollen that feels like boulders in my eyes.

Brooklyn, the borough of trees, totally overwhelmed my medication.

I had to flee as my eyes started watering and I couldnt breathe.

Im still suffering.

Jules of LA sent me a link, showing the pollen count, normally a high of 50 or 60 parts is currently in the 6000 - 8000 range.


Me and Jules of NY both have big ol' hepa room filters on our 'must have' list.

Wednesday, May 09, 2001

Happy Birthday, Sunshine.

Im not sure why I find this item from today's Jersey Journal interesting:

Thief returns cash to free accomplice

WEST NEW YORK - A local senior citizen lost a wad of cash to a pickpocket but quickly got it back monday afternoon.

Luis Garcia, 79, told police he walked out of the Hudson United Bank on Bergenline Ave and 64th after cashing a retirement check for $1300, where he was approached by a woman asking directions to an area hospital. While talking, police said, a man appeared and got involved in the conversation.

When the discussion ended, Garcia realized his money was missing and pursued the woman to a parking lot off 63rd and Bergenline and held her there while yelling for help. The other man then suddenly reappeared and handed Garcia the $1300.

The couple then quickly left the area, police said.


Ok. The chances are excellent that in New York, the old man woulda got him self sliced, roughed up or worse.

Did the guy feel guilty for robbing the old man? Or didnt wanna get his woman in trouble?

I dunno, the flavor of this item is .. different.

Nesting notes:

I just heated up some tuna... using some virgin olive oil, a dash dried herb flakes (basil, oregano), a pinch of garlic (coulda done without it.. ), a sprinkle of grated parmesan.., slap it on some sweet potato bread with a bit of melted cheese (not 'cheese food') and mmmm.

Woulda been better with fresh herbs though.

I'll go pick up the plants for my liddle herb garden soon.

Mint, basil, oregano, rosemary.


Got the idea from the herb garden light tables near the kitchens at the better (read more authentic Italian) pizza joints in Chi-town.

Im not into flowers, I like hardy, useful plants.

The mint, specially if it's strong, will provide a natural deodorizer for the place as well as give flavor for my green tea.

Mint will also grow buck wilde and take over if you let them. I used to grow them wild by the hedges in Chicago.

Luv to pick them fresh and use a leaf or two for tea, slightly crushed, so as not to release the bitterer oils.

The honey from Fred has arrived, packed, insured (O_O!!!), methodical-like. Love that Leo attention to detail. :-)

Gawd. I need to like start sending money and postage and stop mooching off me friends.

Anyways, the herb garden should grow well.

If they werent useful, theyd be weeds anyway..

Following Rachel's example... I think I'll grow a strawberry plant. Just to see what it takes and what its like..

No tomatoes. I wont eat 'em all, and I think the plants look scraggly-ass.

No parsley. Im not cooking for presentation.

I might grow a few varieties of peppers.. although they WILL be outside.

As a kid, I learned pill-popping one or two fresh small chili peppers off the plant is amazing for indegestion.

One of the things I plan to do is to use the fresh herbs to make fresh marinade. Combine light olive oil, herb flakes, crushed garlic.. let it age in a bottle. Voila, flavored oil for salads (not hardly likely in my case) and pungent marinade to flavor meats.

No aloe vera. They grow wild on the drier plains of Jamaica. I dont consider 'em interesting.

SHOOT me if I ever get the urge to grow a banana plant. Tacky.

Palms are semi-tacky. So no.

I might put a simple trellis for morning glory outside. I hate that the blooms die after the noon hour, but they grow wild and flower daily.

Apart from a rhodendron cutting, I think thas it..

Im too lazy for much else.

Orchids? Nah.. sounds suspiciously like work. :-)

New Yorkers, in a puff of civic pride, will say this when the subject arises..

"New York tap water is great!"


If youve been here awhile, you'll know only the most accepting will believe that.

Living in florida, and tasting the water the comes from the aquifer (seriously brackish and polluted) I learned to filter my water or buy bottled.

Unfortunately, I learned that lesson far too late.. now my body is highly sensitive to the quality of the water I drink.

Around here, stores make a brisk business selling water filtered pitchers.

For awhile, I drank the tap water - but based on the rust colored sediment Id see in the toilet bowl, I knew I wouldnt want to be doing THAT for very long.

While shopping awhile back, Kate got me to buy a water filter that fits on the faucet.. expensive I thought, but Kate covinced me it would be worth it.

Sho' nuff, it was. (I had bought it for Rich's place while I stayed there.)

I liked it so much, that I had it on my 'must have' list for when i moved.

At the grocery store the other day.. I found a cheap one.

Lets just say, I feel better about drinking water from the faucet now.

A little thing, I know.. but its important to me.

And to the other folk who dont dare drink New York's tap water.

Which would be most New Yorkers.

If they do, they boil it.

Until recently, I had been bemoaning the fact, that my dreams had little to do with me and my life.

Theyre still nonsensical, unless Im writing a screenplay, but theyre getting a bit more personal.

Last night, I dreamt I was driving around Jamaica, places I have not been before.

Even my childhood fear and nightmares of driving off cliffs recurred, although this time, being in control of my fears, I simply flew the car back to the road.

As a pre-teen kid, my father used to take me around different places, to people he respected.

I was profoundly bored the majority of the time.

Now that Im older, with things no longer the same and many of the people gone, I kinda wish I had paid attention.

I am now the age he was then. I know get what he was trying to do.

I havent been back since 1982. Lack of time, money and interest being my excuses.

Ma told me my grandfather died last week.

My reaction was the same as my siblings.

To wit: "Why should I go to the funeral of a man who didnt even know I was alive?"

Hell, I didnt go back to the funeral of ma's only living sister, my Aunt Ellen. I love her dearly.

Why should I go to the funeral of some man who had too many children to keep track?

Ma, who is all about loyalty, got quiet and said "Maybe he just didnt kno who you were."

Her father just died. Shit. Amazing I just thought of it that way.

LilBro, born over a decade after all of us.. doesnt have the same feelings, and flew back for the funeral.

My LilBro is also about loyalty.

With that dream, I realize I do want to go back - at least for a couple of visits.

To see the mountains, coasts and family I hardly remember after 20 years. To see that bright white midday sunlight, to smell the fog, cedar, willows and firs of the mountains and to see the deep, stunning blues of the morning skies and seas.
And to see a scissor-tailed hummingbird fly by the hibiscus again, in all its irridescent glory.

Although, I hope to gawd I dont see as many weirdos as I did in that dream.

I was reading a journal this morn about someone missing a guy and how she was sorry she drove him away..

I knew instantly she had said "it".

For all women... here is some advice in general:

Even if you think it to be true, or men irritate you, or you dont want attention from some of them, or you feel theyre easy to manipulate or you prefer women and think men are icky, or all of the above... try to refrain from EVER saying this to, or about men.

"You were a fool liking/caring or wanting to be with me."

Trust me, that ranks as about the worst thing you can say.

Say something else, dont ever say that.

Once said, you can never take it back.

Dont. Just dont. Your life will be better for it.

Because, when you utter it - you are declaring an unspoken corrolary:

Anyone liking YOU is a fool.

Those words are indiscriminate in who it hurts. Its truly bad karma.

My personal reason, when I was simply friends with my ex-fiance, she had done/said the same thing about some guy she was seeing, while she was seeing someone else behind his back.

I can remember the visceral reaction of our male friends and myself after she had related the story.

"Jesus, thats cold. I wouldnt ever wanna be that guy."

And eventually, for years, behind her back, even though were her friends..

"That BITCH."

Yeah, and I got engaged to her a few years after..

That made me a fool too.

Even though I didnt marry her. I think that was part of the reason too, not just that I grew to hate her perfume.:-)

To this day, nearly 10 years later, I (and other folk) still remember her most famous saying - even though she had never said that about or to me.


The girl in the journal is grateful the guy is talking to her again, because she loves him.

But, I can say this for an absolute certainty:

He will never forget it.

My advice to all women, if it saves someone, yourself, from regret and pain....

Dont... ever... say it.

Tuesday, May 08, 2001

As usual, in her own way, she speaks the truth.

My mom has a vast
collection of Oprah Book
Club books. I'm sure
they're all great in their
own merit, but they all
are a little too
compassionate for me.

They spend hours upon
hours describing a lone
flower that blossomed in
a cold October night.

Who the FUCK cares!? I
like to read what's real!

I like to read something
that doesn't drag out, line
after line after line, like a
slow driver with their turn
signal on three blocks
before they actuall need
to turn.

I am an American
in the 21st century: I like
things to come quickly.

- JettaGirl


This is why I like people who own and prefer Volkswagens.

Theyre grounded and yet know what a shit-eatin' grin feels like. :-)

Do Passats count? I dunno, theyre more like Audi's.


Some faces that I like....

She callz me Mr Miyagi every time. Luv dat. :-)

The sister Ive never actually met, cuz we're both anti-social.

It works. :-)

Ive got a soft spot for Leos, gawd help me. :-)

CRAX me up every time I see this pic on her IM....


She was pissed. So pissed, that normally she doesnt get into details, and Ive learned not to ask.. but this time she felt her friend had crossed the line.. and hoo.. she was nuclear.

So she asked me what would I do.

I knew how she felt. Keenly. I woulda done what she was feeling like doing, which was to take out the knife and cut - to show her friend just how deeply she had cut to the quick.

In fact, she used as an example a person who had done the same to me.

I quieted my own anger and told her this:

When I slept in my car in my youth, I had to lay out my priorities. What was it that was most important to me above all else when i had nothing else.

And these are the three things that I appreciated are my priorities:

- Me.

If I cant take care of me, I cant take care of anyone else.

- My family

When push comes to shove, no one else will care as much as they will. I gotta look out for them.

- My friends.

Friends may come, they may go.. but you cannot get anywhere in life without 'em.

Everything else is irrelevant. Money, status, sex, ambition... nothing else matters.

Which is why, I told her, when my friend cut me - I didnt automatically cut him off, even though Ive been sorely tempted.

He had been a friend to me, and I would never forget that.

I told her to let it pass. Dont forget what happened, but let it pass.. and I told her why.

I dunno how she resolved it, but I tried to distill in a few minutes the decades of what Ive been through.

You cant get anywhere without your friends.

Sometimes its hard to know who are your friends.. which is why I set a few rules, guidelines.

In this rootless age, if you look up and someone is still there after about a year giving a damn - count 'em as a friend.

Hold the gate open.

If they do things that make you upset. Hold the gate open. If they leave, let them go. Sometimes youre glad to see 'em go, sometimes you hope they dont walk away, sometimes you wish they'd come back, but hold the gate open.

Sometimes people walk through and away when you least expect.

Welcome the ones who come in, and let the ones who leave, leave freely.

But hold the gate open.

If you keep it closed, they may leave anyway.. and may not come back.

Be a friend.

When you look up and around and no one is around... just remember.. you have to be a friend to have friends.

You dont have to buy their affection.

And vice versa.

Your friends have to trust you to be loyal to you. They dont need your shit.

And vice versa.

I couldve gone on for donkey days about this, but wisdom is brevity, so I tried to tell her all this as briefly as I could, without preaching.

And I told her this, because she is a friend of mine.
Shit, lurking in Unix-oriented IRC rooms (they even have a Bi-sexual femme Unix channel!) and reading Unix for Idjits isnt getting me anywhere...

JPennant: Yeah, Im getting nowhere trying to learn Unix. I need to set it up from scratch.
Kid: thats how I learned. and stop calling it unix, it's linux or bsd :p
JPennant: heheh. Fine. *nix. :-)
JPennant: You see Im old
Kid: yeah, I know. :-)
JPennant: I remember when Linux was just a twinkle in someone's eye. :-)
JPennant: And it was ALL Unix. :-)
JPennant: I worked at AT&T Transtech when all they ran on was Unix V, because they invented it, few people knew what the hell BSD was and PC's werent at all connected.
JPennant: Shit, I learned programming in High School on keypunch cards and IBM 360 midframes. :-)
Kid: :p
JPennant: Now, go get granpa some bourbon. :-)
Kid: as if.
Kid: I only stock tequila.
JPennant: heheh


Monday, May 07, 2001


Head has been stopped up for days... cant think straight.


Sunday, May 06, 2001

I dont read anymore.

I mean, I do the daily newspapers and all, but everything else I just scan.

Tired of seeing an empty mailbox every day (never fear, it'll soon be crammed with bills...), I decided to start subscribing to matgazines again.

Ok, lessee.. I'll setup PC World, MacWorld, PCMagazine, MaximumPC (nee Boot), Linux Journal... umm.. umm..

Hmm. Thats an awful lot of work/geek crapp.

Ok, I'll get Publish. Wait, thats werk related too.


Ok, what general interests magazines do I read and not online?

Car and Driver! Fortune! and umm... New York Magazine!! and umm... umm.


Its not just that Im not well rounded.. but I want stuff I will actually READ and not let pile up.


I guess National Enquirer will do.

What? Dont laff. You all read it too.
Popular uber-geek term Ive learned, popular, but not yet picked up by Wired or popular media (ie: New York Times, Mercury News)...

*nix: The Unix world and all its variants.

Neat, and soon to be uncool once it becomes a general term used by the media and other folk who think theyre hip (ie: me).
From the online edition of todays NY Post

NYC Weather
Sunny; breezy, nice

I like that description.. :-)

Apart from the stiff nor'eastern breeze, It sure was.

Under the Department of No Shit Sherlock.

I gotta get organized.. so that my mind doesnt get cluttered.

As my place is getting.

Im falling back into bad habits.

Sun hadda shoo me off IM to go to the 99 cent store.

Here is what I forgot about those "Everything is 99 cents" store:

A) Its impulse buying paradise.

B) Not everything is worth 99 cents

C) You end up spending disproprtionately more than 99 cents.

So I picked up what I needed (mop, duster, dustbins), what I thought would be good (rugs, cork board, picture hooks, drawer organiser), and what I intended to get but hadda go back for (envelopes) and stuff I DIDNT need (refrigerator magnets).

At least I gotta lotta junk for the 20 bones.


Sun thinks it'd be a good idea to drag me and her friend over to Ikea to equip our empty and boomy places.

She must be bored. :-)

Nah, I dont see any Ikea stuff in here.. specially as I like the shaker inspired furniture at Gothic Furniture better.

I may go to ikea for accesories ideas.. but nah.. I saw almost everything I want at Gothic.

I should take a picture of this empty space....

On one of my AIM away messages:

"Coffee and Donuts - Breakfast Of Champions."

Its not just a slogan, its a way o' life.

Im starting to like this burg..

The blocks arent those long city blocks of Brooklyn or Queens.

Theyre bite sized, human sized, walking sized.

My coffee and donuts are a block away.

The well-stocked newspaper stand, 2 doors away.

Every morning, the musical bells of the local catholic church peal their melodies.

Walking to and fro on this crisp, bright morning was... memorable.

The properly-creamed coffee was excellent, the pastries were 2 for 1.