I owe three people money.
Then there are folk who I want to lavish checks, gifts and mindless generosity on. They who have helped me when I needed it the most.
One of the folk I owe money is under such a heavy financial load.. I want to be able to help above and beyond the measly amount I owe him.
The other is that woman I rented the sublet from. She cashed a post-dated check too early.
Bitch. Femmina di menzogne.
Her, I want to pay so that I can purge that poison outta my life.
I dislike her with a passion she can only dream of.
Normally, I wouldnt have such a person anywhere near me or in contact.
Unfortunately, that is an obligation that would be dishonorable to shrug off.
The last comes under the category of helping unasked when I needed it.
It was very appreciated.
Thats the best kind, and why I feel the need to pay off the obligation quickly.
I do hate owing anything.
My pride is too self-sufficient for me to have that schtuff on my mind.
Another reason Im feeling frustrated waiting for the work to start.
Saturday, March 31, 2001
I owe three people money.
Friday, March 30, 2001
The foods Ive become fixated on since coming to New York.. as well as itinerant.
There are a million different kinds. Ive found Im not fond of the classic NewYork bagel (small, round, thick crust).
I prefer the Brooklyn/Staten Island Italianate style.. which is big, thick and chewy.
Unfortunately, Ive come to prefer the simpler plain and egg bagels tho. They tend to have less salt and schtuff in them.
So, no more raisin and cinnamon bagels. :-(
The best rule on determining how good a bagel is.. you should be HAPPY to eat it plain.
If that doesnt ring true for the bagels youre eating, well you know it isnt particularly good then.
Oh yeah, and the bagels should be made fresh all day.
Or more accurately, Nova Smoked Salmon.
Like anything, there is good and bad. I hate it when its near beef jerky-like or has so much preservatives that you cant even taste the flavor.
The best kind is lightly smoked, lightly salted, slightly raw.
If only for this reason, I would consider even living in Seattle.
Just for the salmonly goodness.
The drawback is it's 20 bux a pound from the deli's and around 10 bux on sale from the supermarkets.
Wrong, bad and expensive.
Specially as I snarf so much of it.
- Raspberry Jam
Ive developed a sweet tooth, wheras before I wouldnt have cared less for jam and sweets.
What do I like about Raspberry jam?
The tart, sweetness. And the rawer, the better.
Goes great with any kinda bread.
- Potato Bread.
New York is like the potato bread capital of america I think.
Go to any supermarket in Manhattan or Staten Island, and you'll be able to find it.
The quality varies, but - its surprisingly unpotato-like.
- Soy Milk
Love the stuff, hate the prices Im paying tho.
It isnt a particularly New York thing, as Cyn turned me onto it.
Its good for me.
And Ive come to like only slightly sweetened and fresh schtuff.
The supermarket kinds are usually loaded with sugar and additives.
Not bad, but Im sure, not so good for me, no matter the American Heart Association seals on the box touting its 'flavinoids'.
So, what Im a munching on right now?
At the end of Wonder Boys, when Michael Douglas has chucked the weed, transformed his life, and is doing the happy ending in his swank (thanks fred), airy, writing sanctuary.
The dream office.
Writing on his sleek, swank (thanks again fred), laptop.
I want that.
A house or place with a writing space/office with a swank, drop dead view.
The place in Bayonne doesnt have it.
Staten Island does.
It would be nice.
I caught Gladiator again, but on DVD.
Actually, it was much better on the second showing.
Although I wasnt as impacted by the blood and violence this time around ...
Prolly because the screen wasnt 15 feet high.
- Researching OS X for work.
Sorry George, but its already flaky in so many delicious ways.
Ive been spending the last few days reading bug reports and acquainting myself with the quirks.
Apple already has a 10.0.1 update for it.
Same shit, different day.
Joy. This is what I gotta deal with for awhile.
As the line from U-Turn goes:
"You tell the same old lies. But you tell them good."
Its stopped raining, but has gotten colder.
This is the first winter Ive ever seen where we havent had a warm spell where it has reached 60.
And even the 50's had a wind chill factor to it.
Sorry to hear it Tammy and MJ.
This is a bad time.
People are jumpy here in NY too.
Ive never seen the place so subdued.
Ive already met mid-management folk laid off from Lucent and the like at the recruiters office, who thought they had a solid, safe career and are now filling out applications again.
The recruiters are swamped with qualified bodies.
The pricks are acting like theyve got catbirds chained to sofas.
So, how come theyre having a hard time filling the positions?
Yeah, we were expecting it, but its never pleasant.
Thursday, March 29, 2001
It involved being in a future world, with a different socio-political dynamic...with states and their overseas allies fighting an oddly local world war with .. get this... anime like super-body suits.
Followed the perspective of this young, hotshot rookie.
It was pretty wild.
It even had a title. Bloodfueds.
I kept thinking I had read or seen this storyline somewhere.
And anyone who sez people dont dream in color, is fulla shit.
Then it segued into a long bus ride, with NY style folk onboard, an overstressed bus-driver, who kept taking shortcuts to make up time and his fundamental muslim replacement.
Who verbally went off on the passengers.
I need to start writing this shytte down. :-)
>>Career prospects will grow brighter if you pursue your ambitions fearlessly. The strength of your past will continue to support you into the future.
I was quietly freaking out yesterday.
I want to get a position in Jersey, so that my commute wont border on the horrific.. and I didnt get the call I was waiting for.
I guess Ive been spoiled, as its usually doesnt take long for me to get working once I feel ready to go to work..
I know this isnt unusal, especially as the manager probably is so busy he doesnt have time to breathe.
I know how it is, as I used to be very tardy in going through resumes and calling people in for interviews.. simply because I was so busy.
That was when I really appreciated that I needed to get organised and improve my own time management skills.
Because that could be me on the other end waiting for a call..
I was freaking out anyway, because I want something solidified by the time I move to Jersey in a few days.
Ironic. When you want change, it often doesnt move fast enough.
>>A shift to heavy-work mode is lucrative -- don't let social obligations deter you. You're thrilled with the idea of prosperity being around the corner.
Im sorta looking forward to getting back into the grind. As well as a steady paycheck.
Im already making plans for money I havent made yet.
Shit, Ive already made dinner plans, my treat, to celebrate non-poverty :-)
Although Im getting away from tech, I have to admit - its a great way to make decent money quickly.
It wasnt just my inherent thrift that allowed me to work when I wanted to over the last coupla years.
This time though, as I said when I came back from SF - I need to take care of my wealth.
Plus, verily - I am more than slightly sick of people looking down on me while Ive been through this period of poverty.
I do want some of them to feel inferior, dammit.
Yeah, its a good feeling to have a little coin in yer pocket.. and as Debi Kempton-Smith said .. "It'll keep you warm in the winter and cool in the summer.."
Wednesday, March 28, 2001
Em wrote on her site...
>>I was gonna write ya Joe, but I'm at work and don't have your email address....but the chirping..it's technically called "chuckling"...
Oh. THATS what its called?
(On cue, HappyCat pads into the office chirping.. err.. chuckling ...)
Man. I dunno.
I dont like it.
Doesnt seem apt.
(Aside to cat.. "what you think? Chuckling?" Cat looks at me as if Im bent, and meowls.)
Eh. Youre prolly right Em , but chirping, if not exactly the accurate term, seems to describe it better.
Oh, and by the way .... I take the time to be all sociable and finally put a contact link up top.. and you miss it?
JPennant: Heheh. Im daydreaming of tricking out a beetle wit the dune suspension and a VR6 engine. Painting it white with blue racing stripes and calling it...... Herbie. :-)
JPennant:THAT would be cool. :-)
McClint: i think the VR6 would torque the hell out of the chassis and tear it apart :-)
JPennant:Its doable :-)
McClint: oh you meant a New Beetle
McClint: hahaha well that would work, but i have my doubts about the engine compartment. it may be the same chassis, but different engine compartment
JPennant:Ive heard of Beetles with VR6 in them..
JPennant:The Oz racing bodywork could flare out well too.
JPennant:but it would be SWEET wit that air suspension :-)
JPennant:Bring Herbie, the Love Bug back to life. :-)
McClint: if ya ever go to bug shows, there is usually at least 1 old or new beetle setup like herbie... sometimes even one of the genuine vintage beetles used in the movies
JPennant:Yeah, but I was thinking of calling them "SUPER Beetles" :-)
McClint: gonna paint a bug red 'S' on the hood with a cape? heheh
JPennant:Heehee. Tempting. :-)
McClint: the only super i'd take would be a late model ('78 or '79) vert
JPennant:nah. no convertibles for me.
McClint: why not?
JPennant:I dunno why, I just prefer sunroofs.
JPennant:At most, a canvas sunroof.
JPennant:Heheh. Herbie and its evil twin.. the SuperBeetle!! (The Superbeetle would have working side pipes too.. heehee)
VW's just make ya grin. :-)
I had a dream this morning before I set out..
For some odd reason I was in the Secret Service, an on-call roamer to help out on security details. I helped foil a coupla attempts at the lives of The Family. One guy was even throwing sharpened butter knives like ninja stars.
At the same time I ended up staying at the house of someone who isnt speaking to me, where I was treated as an honored guest, while the person was still not speaking to me. I may have been in India too.
Oh yeah, and there were computers involved and foiled a few other attempts.
Im not gonna even try to interpret this. :-)
Since Ive started writing, my dreams have FLOWED, taking twist and turns I wish I could tap to write all kinda fiction and stories.
Kate sez itsa good thing. :-)
In trying to be organised, Ive started writing my thoughts into notebooks.
Itsa bid to be organised, because its hard trying to keep drafts, story ideas, business plans, hopes dreams and concerns all straight in my head anymore.
I think its the cause of my general state of confusion.
So, Im writing it all down so that I can make space for other things in my head.
Writing this blog serves that purpose also, I do believe.
An odd side effect to that, once I write things down.. I remember them easier.
Dave P, who has never owned a cat, pooh-poohed the idea that HappyCat actually chirps.
"Cats dont chirp, birds do."
Eric, who happens to own a cat, agreed with me.. he said his cat chirps also.
Dave countered, "Nah, thats a purr."
Then we got on that.. there is a HUGE difference between chirping and purring.
Hell, I can *feel* it in the air when HappyCat purrs.
Purrs like a demon he does. Which is why I call him HappyCat.
We argued the point for a good 25 minutes I believe.
TECHNICALLY, its not really chirping as a bird would. If pressed, I would describe it as a cross between a short, hi-pitched meow and purr.
But not really.
It does sound like chirping.
Speaking of which, HappyCat is chirping at me to get back into bed... :-)
Im gonna miss him.
I read many journals, having gotten to know some of the folk fairly well.
Sometimes I read and think I should dash off a letter to comment.
Usually I dont.
Waterbelle sez I should.
I should tho.
PART of the reason I dont, is that my first reaction is ALWAYS visceral.
Thats not always good, so I feel the need to filter it through the Virgo logic and sensibility.. stripping much of the emotion out of it.
So much so, that I usually wonder why I should bother responding. So I dont.
But she is right.. I think I should.
I'll try anyway.
Someone, in their 'alternate' journal, said that she wasnt easy to love.
I think she was just feeling a bit 'un'-loved at the time.
Yesss, Ive known many a woman who arent easy to love.
I used to take that personally too.
I used to think that NO-ONE was truly unlovable. I still dont.
But having been scarred by some women like that, I leave them alone.
They will often TELL me up front that they are unlovable.
I try to give them the benefit of the doubt when they say that.. but unfortunately - they tend to know better than I.
Sometimes they even feel the need to prove it.
By the way, this is not to make comment on my friend who wrote that or any person in particular.
Just that the statement makes me say, "Yeah..."
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl
So then I could call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat
And a bat
and a six four father
I wish I was a little bit taller, y'all
- Skee-Lo "I Wish"
That catchy little tune I hum once in awhile.
Its a wistful little ditty that I think everyone can relate to at one time or another.
Right now, Im getting out of feeling all wistful, and focus on the things I can get and do....
Idle thought while homebound on the train -
- New Yorkers, even when dressed down, tend to look MIGHTY stylish, a lot of the clothes costing a pretty penny.
I guess I can see why this place generates so many fashion magazines.
For some people, this is their LIFE.
Cyn always said, the NY folk intimidated her somewhat with that sense of style.
Im not at all intimidated, but Im starting to appreciate it.
Just a passing thought.
Monday, March 26, 2001
After diving under one too many desks to get at PC's and wiring, I decided I wasnt gonna wear a tie anymore.
I had stopped wearing white dress shirts cuz the dry cleaning bills had gotten horrendous.. and after one particularly arduous week at the Big 5 firm, I decided I'd had enough.
I never wore another tie to work again.
Except for 1 interview, I stopped wearing ties altogether since March of 98.
After awhile I started wearing 'work' shirts, cause I was essentially a glorified utility worker - no matter what fancy systems analyst/help desk/sys admin title anyone tried to put on me.
Today I wore a tie, and I hated it. I could feel the my head lightening and blood supply vanishing until I loosened the tie. My stress level elevated simply putting on that monochromatic Perry Ellis thing.
Its not just a philosophical matter anymore. Its not even a bow to the practical.
I just dont like 'em.
Here's a phrase absolutely guaranteed to piss me off:
"Marissa Tomei did not deserve that Oscar"
What the fuck??
Most people who say that havent even SEEN her in "My Cousin Vinny", thinking that she merely Fran Drescher'ed her performance in, working in what they view as a "B"-movie.
I remember when she got nominated, I cheered. When she actually WON, and remember this was in the days before they took the Golden Globes seriously - the people's opinion didnt count, I was astounded they actually did something RIGHT.
The people whove STILL got a stink about her winning are the same anglophilic stage-struck fuckers who would take Judi Densch as a char-woman, no matter how somnolent her performance.
Probably some of the same people who think "The Soprano's" is killing the standards of our society...
Oh, and thinks James Gandolfini doesnt deserve an Emmy either.
JPennant: God, the snow was coming down pretty hard.
JPennant: My hair is still soaked.
kate: is it still snowing
JPennant: Its stopped here.
JPennant: woops, its started again
JPennant: I saw something on the bus last night ... and I was like.. thats what I wanted.
JPennant: regular guy, his lady, their sons
kate: you wanted that?
JPennant: she was enjoying being with her family, goofing around affectionate
kate: a sales associate job opened here....
kate: whatz up wit tat
JPennant: whats up with what?
kate: you want a family?
kate: i am teasing
JPennant: yeah, in my heart of hearts, I do.
kate: i never knew
JPennant: but not just kids
JPennant: a family
JPennant: someone cool I can share it with
JPennant: The guy was being all cool and all, but she wasnt trying to be cool.
JPennant: And by not trying to be cool, she was cool.
kate: I have seen that sometimes
kate: I know the feeling
JPennant: Even their sons was smiling at that.
JPennant: twin boys.
kate: geeez louise
kate: a new side of Joe
JPennant: I killed the feeling and got off the bus.
kate: dont kill em
Sunday, March 25, 2001
Because of happenstance today, I saw the sun rise and the sun set while crossing the Bay on the ferry.
In fact, I happened to catch the same ferries.
Idle thoughts during the day:
- Walking by Battery Park in the morning, looking down and seeing an empty condom box on the ground. Type - studded.
That can only mean one thing.. the american tradition. Gay men having sex in a park under the cover of darkness.
A) A very public park. Hell, a national landmark. Have some respect.
B) The windchill last nite was BELOW 10 degrees. Good god. How badly did they need it?
- Walking into the Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Man 1 - "Supposed to be fifty today.."
Man2 - "Nah, I heard closer to 42."
Man 1 - "Same neighborhood."
With a stiff wind blowing all day today, it doesnt matter what the temperature is. Its still cold.
Aint winter over yet? Shit.
- During the afternoon, I took up station on one of the back benches of the ferry and caught the rearward view.
I just relaxed and took in the view.
In fact, I took off my glasses and still didnt miss a thing.
Because I didnt need to focus anything, with light as bright and clear as it was, the scenery was still awesome looking thru blurry vision, and yet I didnt feel like it detracted from the experience.
- Loons flying over the bay.
Not geese, not mallards, but loons.
About twenty of them, flying low and fast over the water in perfect v-formation, stacked double decker.
Their formations were tighter than the Air Force Thunderbirds as they banked perfectly over the wake of the ferry and disappeared over manhattan.
In fact, I saw them on every trip throughout the day, putting on a show.
- The harbor was empty, the pace leisurely.
It didnt seem anyone was in a hurry today. Not on the harbor, not on the streets, not in the stores.
Odd. Even for a sunday in NY.
- On the last trip, a guy playing an alto-sax set the perfect mood as we slipped into the terminal, with the sun setting behind us.
He got a lot of cash and thank-you's as people filed out.
A camera wouldve been handy, but I have the feeling it wouldve gotten in the way of the day
I havent shopped for dress clothes in a long while.
Forgot the great sucking sound it makes on a credit card.
Even when the prices are decent.
Ugh. It's been awhile.
While rummaging in my backpack, I came across something I had printed out last year.
It was by Jamie Gattenberg, it resonated with me then, and it resonates with me now.
But for different reasons.
"So, anyway, I'm wondering, why is it that I want to work forty hours? You know, a full week."
"You want to know why?" said my brother.
"Yes," I said.
"So that you can buy things. Cars. Houses. Planes. I don't know. Things."
"So you can plan for your future," added my sister-in-law.
"Ah, my future," I said.
"Yes," they both said.
Back then, I couldnt really discern a future.
Now, I know I will only work a 9 to 5 as long as its necessary to further MY future.
But no longer than is necessary.
More than anyone else who has seen my photos.. Tito has always been urging me to find a way to give them a commercial bent.
As in postcards and prints.
Tonight, as he listened to my ideas.. he again told me why he thinks I should not waste my photos, most of them languishing on hard drives.
A 'New Yorker with the eye of a tourist' is the way he put it.
As I look through the eyestorm.com site.. I look at many photographers being bought for the Saatchi collections, and selling in multiples of hundreds and thousands of dollars.
Color me stunned and going.... 'whoa'.
Or am I deluding myself?
Years ago, I gave up the dream of doing photography when I saw the meticulous work of Chicago's commercial artists up close.
All that talent slaving for years to produce the perfect looking ice-cream cone or Big Mac.
But now.. I dont know if I am, in fact deluding myself in thinking that I cant.
Ya gotta love New York.
Everybody has an opinion.
A goth gentleman, with sharpened fang-like incisors, was looking over my shoulder as I wrote and looking through my pictures.
He told me he liked them, wouldnt mind having a few prints.
He suggests I start making prints and signing them. Then show and display them to guage interest.
Turns out he's a businessman with two piercing and tattoo shops.
He gave me some more sound advice (dont take things too seriously, do it on the side until it becomes worthwhile, etc), shook my hand and clutching his black, varnished cane walked out with his two pretty, leather-clad and pierced young friends out the door of the Internet cafe.