"This is SHIT!!"
"What? So, it's like Good Shit right?"
"No! It's *shit* shit!!"
- Running Scared, 1983
(Sorry, Ive been wanting to use that quote for the longest while. Its arguably the best 'shit' quote from the movies.)
I used to wonder why artists, at points in their career would take perfectly good pieces of their work and destroy it in frustration.
To most observers, the work would be more than acceptable.
And when they tell people that the work brings them to despair.. well, then you know the fuckers are taking themselves faaar too seriously.
Now, I kinda understand. I still dont know why exactly, but Ive seen that despair.
It fucked me up for quite a bit. My picture taking routine became a chore instead of being relaxing.
It now takes me several tries to get one shot, instead of my usual one or two takes.
All this drama cuz of that one image.
I look at that image, and try to think of ways I couldve taken a better picture at the time I took it. Nope.
Lighting? Nope, perfect.
Framing. Maybe a tad off-centre, but cropping one millimeter does not make it horrible.
Focusing? Sharp with filmlike texture at every point.
Color? Slighty blue, but its consistent with fading light and all the colors are true, with realistic skin tone and balanced range.
Yeah, I could take it into Photoshop and ferk with it, but could I have taken a better picture at the time I took it?
My tale of woe has brought suggestions that Im just being a typical perfectionistic Virgo (ehhh, nah.), obsessed with the subject (actually, no..), being psychotic (very possible..).
The resident poet/black panther/photographer/musician of the Mediterranean Cafe said he knows of whence I speak, and suggests that THAT picture wasnt the perfect picture. The perfect picture was the one I took before that I made my adjustments.
Hmm. I think he's right about that in a way.. but thats another discussion and another level for another time.
My theory as to why I freaked out is that with that picture I inadvertantly stepped out of my comfort zone, of what I thought I was capable of with the resources I have.
Way out of my comfort zone.
Stepping out of one's comfort zone is rarely an easy process. For some, its like stepping off into a chasm.
For me, realizing I had stepped waaay out of my league was like waking up into a dream, freaking out and thinking.. "Where in the fuck am I??"
So, I stepped out of my comfort zone before I thought I was ready.
Well, that explains that. I guess.
Rolling my own
It used to be that when I realized I had a lot more to learn, i would get frustrated .
Nowadays, when I realize I have a lot more to learn - I find it exciting.
I think the reason for that is:
When I was younger I didnt know what I didnt know and I wasnt comfy with that. Now, having done a few things, I can identify what it is I dont know.
Im not as afraid of the unknown. Maybe.
I dont know. ;-)
So, Im currently RTFM'ing
QuarkXpress, Page layout fundamentals.
Photoshop. Color spaces, color theory, tonal adjustments.
Illustrator & Adobe Streamline. Tracing paths, vector layers.
Epson 2000P - the manual.
A former friend, after knowing me for 5 years, looked at me and exclaimed.. "Even when you look idle, yer always planning and scheming."
I replied, "You just figured that out?"
Even tho Im committed to living the laptop life, Im thinking of building another Plentium(tm). I got reasons.
Xeon class Dual PIII or P4, (depending on the CPU and Mboard costs).
2 Gb of RAM (a minimum, dependent on memory type, available slots and costs).
Dual head video card.
Gee.. I wonder if I put 2 vid cards in I could run 3 monitors with that? Hmm. (Why? Why not.)
2 120Gb 7200RPM drives to be striped for an internal array, with a 40gb unit for system use.
Add misc case, drives, I/O cards, fans and target price: $750.
Heheh. I dont build Porsches. I build effing Mack Trucks.
Cuz mah shit *hauls*.
*grunt grunt grunt*