Random thoughts on the way home last night....

On my way home from Wall Street to the ferry, I stopped by Cordato's Restaurant & Bar (the favorite eatery of the dancers from the (in)famous PussyCat Lounge).

Ernie, the big, no-nonsense Greek owner of Cordato's (nee Mike's).. always remembers my name. Treats me with respect. Used to see me working way past midnight at 2 Rector....

He asks me how Im doin, what Im doin.. and I say "Im not working right now."

At the look on his face, that was the wrong thing to say.

This is a man who told me he had several bouts with the flu, someone I know who basically works 16 hours a day, and he doesnt miss a day of work.

He doesnt make excuses. He works. Hell, I dont know when he sleeps. From midnight to mid-evening.. he's always there.

I shouldve told him.. "Im doing primarily freelance work, not doing much of anything right at this moment" which wouldve been just as truthful - but wouldve made him feel better about me.

I shouldve.

Ernie is one person I do not want to lose the respect of. I respect him too much for that.
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During the late night runs, the Staten Island Ferry has homeless folk riding back and forth.

The half-hour six-mile ride one way is a warm respite from the cold, but they have to get off the boat at each end and wait in the terminals.
Which are also warm, but the cops make sure that theyre never just hanging around - instead of waiting for the Ferry..

When I was in college and staying and working at the YMCA, I used to process a lot of indigent folk who were trying to escape the cycles of homelessness and addiction.

I used to have long talks with these guys.

Most of them had had it all - home, family, good jobs, etc etc.

I had an epiphany back then.

There, for the grace of god, went I. Or anyone else. It does not take much. The margin is that slim.

It couldve just as easily been me. And it still could.

I looked on the guys waiting in the Ferry Terminal... and shivered.
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On the bus home, most of the people had the New York far away stare on...

A white guy sneezed.

The tough-lookin brother next to him waited a few seconds, and said 'Bless You".

Shocked, the white guy paused and barely murmured.. "Thank You".

They didnt even look at each other.

Its not until now did I realize, I couldve said "Bless You" too.

I prolly wouldve shocked myself.

Is it a New York thing, a racist thing, a sexist thing - that is making me lose my humanity and courtesy?
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Walking up the street from the bus stop, a white woman is walks past me.

I get the once over, dressed in all black.

I get the once over. Automatically suspect.

Im used to it.

Women walk in fear late at night anyway.

Ive always resisted wearing a knit cap.

I dont like the look, nor do I like that it makes me look even MORE of a Big Black Man.

But the bitter cold this winter gave me no choice.

I dont like it, but fuckit.. Im wearing it.
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