The true crack for the masses


I didnt see it coming, didnt have time to feint and move with the blow.


The warning signs were all there, but I chose to ignore them.


My baby asked "What Do You think of Krispy Kreme donuts? Ive never had them."

*Noooooooooooooooooooooooo*

I knew she was looking for my unquestioning support in this, to share in her enthusiasm... as I do and support her in most everything she does but .. but...

As the saying goes - the only way out is through. So..

"Eh."

I just couldnt fake my severe indifference.

Oh boy.

My girlie was crushed. NOT like Krispy Kremes??? The international sensation??? The place where they have long lines out the door (everywhere but the south)???

Our relationship tottered...

She doesnt have any in her hometown, none for miles around. She has prowled the Krispy Kreme website, slavering over the differences as if she were shopping seriously for Steve Madden boots or jewelry..

Hot Original Glazed, the Choco Iced and the Glazed Devil's Cake. These were now her lust objects.



She NEEDED Krispy Kremes.

Long story short, she went elsewhere for Krispy Kreme companionship and support. I couldnt provide what she needed.

Her cousin hand delivered some from Chicago for her.

She's in heaven.

Im in purgatory.

She's not turning to me to share in her joy, as .. of course, I could give a damn about Krispy kreme.

I lived in the South for years. Krispy Kremes on every damned corner. I dont remember long lines out the door except for the breakfast rush.

Eh.

She doesnt think Im her hero anymore.

Krispy Kremes have ruined our relationship.

---------
I think I now realize why I dont care for them.

A) If I eat more than 2 or 3 at a time, I go into sugar shock.
I know, it sounds paradoxical, for a man who consumes coffee and donuts every morn, but there you are.

B) My donuts are usually chocolate. If not chocolate cake donuts, at least donuts with chocolate icing.

Krispy Kreme proffers the ultimate sin:

They FAKE the chocolate.

They take their maple sugar icing (also fake by the way) and add some weak ersatz chocolate flavoring to the sugary mix.

UGH.

No thank you.

Actually, a grudging point in favor of the Bay Area:

Ive had the best damned donuts in the country here.

Day in day out, the thai Donut places (sorta like the greek bagel places in NY.. dont ask) do the best damned donuts around.

Soft, moist, tasty.


NOT the Krispy Kreme sugary abominations.

Oh, wait - but if you love them, angel - I love 'em too.

Really.