It actually works!

Hard drive, upgraded. A few sprinkles of black magic to taste and Im Up and Running in 45 minutes too. Damn.

I AM good. Shit.

Big enough for a scratch partition, and one to accomodate a Linux volume too.

Geek on. :-)
-----
Somewhere in East Oakland (This means it abuts the hills, not the sea.. still cant get used to the change of direction) late last night

I give the motel clerk my voucher, and I roll into the 30's-40's era motel forecourt in the dark, searching for my room number.

Ah, number 106, that looks like..

"Oh shit, oh shit ohhh shit.."

No. I dont think thats it.

Ah, number 104. Open door *whoof*

Decades of cigarrette funk wafts out. And Im afraid to think what else as I eye the bed cover suspiciously.

I may take it to the laundromat meself. In the meanwhile, Im sleeping on my coat.

Its damnably cold.. ahh, the heater works.

TV. Cool. Ooooh, and a free porn channel! (No babydoll, I didnt watch most of it. Nuh-uh.)

On closer evaluation, its a well used motel room.. but not as bad as others Ive pulled into around the country.

I sleep well, tucked in with the knowledge that Ive got an angel watching over me.

Tia

I promised Id make a note of it

To remember my Aunt Ellen's birthday, May 7th.

I didnt remember.

Ah well, she understands. Always did.

Taurus luv.

Happy birthday Auntie Ellen. Keep watching out for me.

Comix.

Makes me larf.

Current topix *ugh- who GIVES a shit*... the Dixie Chix

Heehee.

And, well - Mac owners. (Done in the style of the Apple 'Switch' ads..)

*cackle*

Purging is good for the soul

"Don't procrastinate. Do it tomorrow."

Ok. Ok. Ok. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

(Heheh, anyone know what movie that quote came from? Anyone? Anyone? Buehler? Buehler?)

Its time to upgrade to the Big Drive. Ive backed my stuff, save a few sundry.

And since I refuse to offload images off the camera until I have the room, its time.

*sigh* Upgrading. It should take me an hour or two technically. But, I know I'll be fiddling for a month. And thats IF everything works.

And its Merc retrograde time. Gah.

*breathe* I know, I know.

Anyhoodles (thanks for that one Ms. Angeline :-), my point being, here are some randoms from images I wont be keeping on my hard drive as I bring in the new.

No flexin' here, nuttin fancy, no stories, no themes - just purging.
























































































































































































Yeah, purging is good for the soul.

Or, at least makes space for more.

--------------------

Freedom aint free, but it is sweeter when earned... and appreciated.


There are times when I feel stuck, obligated by honor, promises, boasts and inertia (as well as poverty).

But, I feel free.

Ive been released from any obligations, good or bad.. I dont have to be nice or good. I can just be.

Now, of course attendant with that comes homelessness, poverty and day to day uncertainty.

Eh, what else is new. That'll pass.

And all that will be left are my deeds, trails and work.

Which is all that matters.

As the dying man in "Saving Private Ryan" said to the boy whose life he and other dead people came to save..

"EARN this!"

----
The cop, the shelter worker, the cellphone salesgirl and the homeless guy today all said the same thing and even in the same way... :

"Why are you leaving Berkeley?? Its a good place to be! You should stay."

And I went into the litany of chilliness and poverty.

Still, these past few days of having to fend directly with the unknown have shown me the .. true warmth and compassion that is in this area.

Even seeing and warmly greetin people that Ive developed .. warmth.. being glad to see and catching up with them.

Its little things, but for the first time, Im seeing - a down home warmth.

Even in yuppified Berkeley. Which really isnt Berkeley.

Its people who go back to where they came.

In all kinds of ways.

And for the first time in years I felt a twinge, and something made me say each time..

"I dont think I'll be gone long. I may be back."

This pammy woman should write books...

What is happening to me?

I have a sneaking suspicion that the real me is strapped to a galactic chair on some other planet, being tortured by heartless blue aliens with tentacles coming out of their bodies.

The one blogging is just a clone. And a bad one at that.

Right now, thas how I feel too.
---------

Coffee cruise


GG's pics of her commute to work reminded me of my commutes to work over the years.

And that I havent had one since the year 2000. (Homes and client locations dont count as commutes as theyre more assignments than jobs...)

Wowser.

And I honestly dont miss them, even as I miss the steady and large paychecks.

So a form of Friday Five, with my own questions that occured to me:

Do/did you drive or take public transportation?

Do cabs count as public transportation? Include that, and.. well, yeah. Duh.

I lived in NYC, and since the authorities and I are still disputing decade-old speeding tickets (Uhh, yeah I sped, no doubt - but what the hell is THIS added-on "out-of-state-driver" charge of EIGHT HUNDRED BUCKS, Morris County, NJ?? I did the crime, but I aint payin' that, dammit.) Ive had to rely on the System.

So yeah, buses, cabs and trains and me make three.

How is THAT gonna work in LA?? Apparently those things dont exist there and are considered figments of someone's imagination and are so obviously movie props.

But Ive seen 'em.


What was your longest regular commute?

Definitely the ones in Jacksonville, no question.

By land area, it is the largest city in the lower 48 states. Which means going to the Other Side of Town is a haul. Add a centralized and lassez faire bus system (a train system raises fears of poor folk infiltrating the "quiet" areas, hence it aint gonna happen in the South in our lifetime), and it meant a LOT of standing and waiting and walking.

Measured in time, that usually meant going to work before the break of dawn, and watching the sunset on the ride home.

Which ones were the most action-packed?

Hoo hoo.

The New York Subway system baybeee!!!

Love it, hate it or smell it - the Electric Sewer will pack a life's experience into a 45 minute commute.

And it will do this EVERY DAY.


We LAUGH at being stuck on the freeway. You get to sip your coffee, munch a bagel in your own-climate controlled vehicle and walk to your door?

Commuter, please.

You havent become a hardened commuter until youve done the two-stair a step drill, the metrocard swipe curse, the diving into closing doors, the coming-close-to-your-fellow-man's breath, armpit and backpack, the wait while the police "investigate an incident" (sometimes there are bets as to what the incidents might be), the dumb-ass sidestep as people wont let you off and then the crowded fire drill stampede out of the tunnels into whatever dimension youre entering to actually start your work day.

Every day.

Ah yes. Not to be missed in your lifetime.

They should sell tickets. Oh wait, they do.

The most picturesque?

Amazingly, Going to an office in NY's Soho.

Actuallai, since the destination was a 3rd floor loft at the corner of West Broadway and Canal Street by Sixth Avenue AND blocks from the West Side Highway (go to that spot and you'll understand), this was a nexus of different worlds you had to pass through, which were wildly different experiences depending on what direction and mode you were in.

Chinatown, Tribeca and Soho all meet at that point, and if it doesnt kill you, is an amazing ........ words fail me...........

In my personal opinion, the pictures I took just going to and from there are still the most amazing Ive ever taken.


-----
But now, the only time I want to hear 'commute', is the one from my kitchen to my workspace, my plane ticket or the one involving an RV rental...

Mush

An intellectual, beautiful, sexual
Hands on her hips
and when she flips, she's incredible

- Black Coffee, Heavy D & the Boyz

Normally, I try not to declare victory in the hunt for the Righteous Chica. Otherwise Im just ASKING for it to turn out to be Another Painful Lesson in Illusions and Delusions.

What seems real usually turns out to be a pit stop or drive thru window on the way to somebody or nobody else.

Or youre distracted by flashy fools as the real one walks away.

Or settle for someone often minimally qualified for the Love Wanted job requirements.

I used to think Ive seen it all, and now I know.. I know nothing.

Your Dream One checklist is often crumpled up in favor of a lower standard pass-fail quiz.

Desperation, despair and delusions often feel like the real thing.

So, maybe Im risking certain disaster by declaring this...

*whisper* yay.

Im. (*whoo* let me not get burned by this) In love. No, youve never heard me say this about anyone in my life. Nor say it with certainty.

Yes, its early yet and we're not totally sure yet about each other. There is Serious Stuff to overcome. It looks to be a haul. She may be on her way somewhere else.

Who knows.

And yet...

She breezes through the bullshit detector with ease. She decorated my long-discarded Dream Girl checklist like she STOLE the answers.
She adroitly handled the no-win logic bombs I lobbed at her.
She's made of stern stuff. And she is tender.
She lets me be mushy with her. She is mushy with me.
She catches my silly shit and stands her ground. We fight. And the make-ups are fun. And there are always make-ups.
She is no pretender. No player. No fool.
Best of all, she tapped me on the shoulder.. and let me in.
She considers me worthy.

*jaw drop*


I am one very very lucky sonofabitch.

No, I dont wanna jinx it all by blabbing it to the world.

I just wanna say this:

I want to be the one holding her arm as she walks in those impossibly high heels and boots that she loves.

I want to be the one to kiss her in the morning, bedhead, bedbreath, morning snot and all.

Accomodate her inner hug 'n love monster.

Looking at her and nodding as she bitches me out, mentally preparing what steps I need to take to pull her into the closet for some... one on one negotiation.

Write her coded messages that only she will get. Cause she does.

To know that anyone better than her will HAVE to have serious dough to be even considered.

To know that she laughs at my corny jokes, only because she actually finds 'em funny.

To be able to earn the right to say "Thats my girl", and know Im not deluding myself.

To be always amazed that she knows what Im thinking and feeling thousands of miles away. (How does she DO that???)

To know that she means it when she says "I love you too."

And to make sure she never, ever has to eat her words.

She's everything that a man dreams about
And when I'm wit my crew, she's all I talk about (Hey!)

Just an essay now, but whooooooooo....

Im writing a thing entitled "Field Guide to Passive-Aggressives", could be a nice magazine article, Im thinking a book that would sell.

Ive got great material here in California.

"But Joe, you have passive-aggressive tendencies yourself. But at least you arent vindictive."

Hey, (soothing noise) I UNDERSTAND, and I think youre still hella cool!

an excerpt

"Now that person that has your stuff. Your P.A will always escalate.. so she would throw out your stuff this way...

First, it goes into an area where it would get damaged.
Then it would be outside so it would be in the way, therefore would then go to phase three
It would be put out in the public so it would get picked through so they can say you had the time to come get your stuff...."

Wow.


I'll describe the Great Passive-Aggressive freakout (much weird drama) sometime...

Ahh. California. P.A's are everywhere, but it seems they find their natural home here.

Meetup under the oaks and leaves.

[first draft]

The first I even heard of it was when I caught george sunning himself on IM on an infrequent day off...

JPennant: hey mistah G
JPennant: how are you and A
allaboutgeorge: Hullo, hullo.
allaboutgeorge: You coming to http://www.ofrenda.org/lunch/
allaboutgeorge: ?
JPennant: whats that?
allaboutgeorge: A friend of mine, Gwen, is meeting and eating with whoever shows up at Pac Coast Brewery tomorrow.
JPennant: That sounds excellent
allaboutgeorge: If you're not otherwise committed, I've got your first beverage of choice.
JPennant: Oh yah, that sounds excellent :-)
JPennant: thank you :-)

Eh, it was a free cuppa coffee and an infrequent day out. Plus Id be getting to meet a few folk who I'd known but never met.

The standing joke as we assembled at the Pacific Coast Brewery in downtown Oakland was that we desperately needed "Hello, my URL is.." greeting tags to match familiar consciousness to bodies and faces.

But, its funny how quickly the bodies and faces became just as warm and familiar.



Amanda, StarMama



Jessica, peacedividend





Jhames, jhames





Min Jung, minjungkim



Bob, artandlife







Lara, Oaklog




(will fill in the blank)





George, allaboutgeorge



Melissa (joisey goil), nonchalance




Adrienne, crazedloveblog




Hrmm, I missed folk.. I'll fill 'em in later...

In any case, there were quiet connections and good conversation..












jhames:talking about Bob's camera "Wow. I have a new item on my lust list. Whoo! I feel like Im running around with scissors trying to handle this thing."


































Good times

And then, as it was only a lunch, people got up and started drifting back to their lives, goodbyes being sounded...













Yep. Good times.

Thanks guys. It must be done again. And more.
---------------

And I said, "Im sorry, I missed your party in the hills when I was here in 2000. And the snowstorm of 2001 in New York was a BITCH. I was honestly snowbound in Staten Island, couldnt get off to meet you.. And this time around.. well..."

Min Jung, blinked, looked at me, realized that I was a much different presence than the pictures I never post, blinked away.. shock.. and then stood up..

"You. Give me a hug."

And it was the softest sweetest hug Ive had in memory. Followed by a soft kiss that thrilled me.

And then she stepped back and looked at me again.

She was pissed.

but didnt say anything as we looked at each other.

Then

"You know I was mad when you didnt.. "
"I know."
"To be honest.."

I paused, as she waited for me to continue..

"I didnt want to be just another in a long line of 'met this one too'."

She blinked again. Narrowed her eyes. Otherwise, there was no sign of emotion.. cept you KNOW that I was still alive by the grace of god...

Then she leaned over and hugged me again.

"Dork." then kissed me again.

Heh. Never knew that I could be called a dork (her word for 'You. Are. One. Serious. Idiot.') and have my heart leap.

and then we went back to the rest of the world.

But as she left, she stopped behind me, rubbed my shoulders, ran her hand through my hair.. paused.. and kissed me on my forehead.

Then, softly into my ear, said "Dork".

Love. Gentleness. Forgiveness. Heart. And the rest of feeling blessed and loved.

And she is a Tiger, so no - this does NOT mean absolution.

I was smiling as she rubbed the lipstick left from the famous lips, ran her hand through my hair one last time and took off...

This dork has always had a serious crush on the lady.