When you speak of me ... and you will ... be kind.

- 'Crash' Davis in Bull Durham

Anyone who knows me in real life, knows that I tend to have a chip on my shoulder.

Part of it is because I think Im right all the time, and whatever path I choose, no matter how fewlish or ill-advised or even ruinous it seems, Im hell-bent on doing it anyway. So people talk about me. And theyre not usually kind.

This frustrates my little brother no end, for he wants to defend me - but
I dont make it easy, so he has to agree with 'em.

He doesnt understand this is a motivating factor for me. I mother and swaddle my lil chip.

lilbro: i dunno man, i know u my BIGGER brother, but somethimes u do some shit an i be like "what the fuck"?
JPennant: you know, i apologise for that - but I always said _ I have to go thru this
lilbro: u r unreal
JPennant: I used to wonder what was the point of all this
JPennant: now I know
lilbro: now u gonna try an prove 2 me what the point is. u been doin dat 4 like years now. tellin me u gotta go thru this. tryin to find yourself
JPennant: Heheh. I wasnt trying to find myself. Never even said that.
lilbro: u definetly one of those woodstock niggas i read about
JPennant: Me? A hippy? Nah.
JPennant: I was trying to GET someplace, just didnt know how
lilbro: nah not true
lilbro: u not slow
lilbro: or dumb
lilbro: u know how to get there, u jus scared of failure
JPennant: you know - THAT is true
lilbro: yup
lilbro: people who r look for ways out b4 they even try
lilbro: always got an excuse or something along those lines
JPennant: :-)
JPennant: I always said youre a wise man :-)
lilbro: yeh been gettin that alot lately.
JPennant: heheh
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When I try to get people to understand what Im about (when I care), one thing I insist on is I ask them to be straight with me. Dont lie, dont equivocate - be straight. I may not like it, but I can handle it better than tact, hints and mind reading. Few things irritate me more. So, when I ask - Im asking.

JPennant: question
lilbro: go ahead
JPennant: How good of a photographer do you think I am?
lilbro: honestly?
JPennant: honestly
lilbro: i dunno if u got a gift, cant say, u do need practice. However .....and this is important
lilbro: when i show your work to hicks an niggas who browse through my pics an shit an they come across your stuff
lilbro: they pause
lilbro: stop
lilbro: an ask me who took it or where i got it from
lilbro: i tell them its u
lilbro: and they say its beautiful, or real eye catching
lilbro: one chick said u got rough talent, and a great eye for noticing what people dont notice
lilbro: my "village" frieds r more voicey, as u can imagine
JPennant: Heheh, yep. Cool. You show off my shit, eh :-)
lilbro: nah
JPennant: how do they see my stuff?
lilbro: girls r real nosey lookin for hoes numbers an stuff
lilbro: when they use my lap top or desktop
JPennant: hahaha
lilbro: i had put that chick in the red scarf on the screen saver once
lilbro: remember dat pic?
JPennant: of course
JPennant: Id agree with your assessment
lilbro: niggas an chicks really liked it, of course once i told em i aint know her
JPennant: heheh
JPennant: Its only a few weeks ago when I thought I was finally ready to start doing this shit for real, no matter hwo much praise I was gettin
lilbro: 2 much praise isnt a good hing, not enough can intimidate u
JPennant: many folk thought I was ready 3 years ago
JPennant: I thought I needed more practice and work
JPennant: give you an idea
lilbro: photos r good, but they r nothing without good writing now adays cause everybody got a pic of somethin
lilbro: i like the way u can paint a picture with no picture
JPennant: :-)

Since he isnt one to give me unvarnished praise (Im his brother, brothers are to be loved but abused - that is the way of things), this made me smile. :)

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JPennant: my lil brother said something about me that I still dont quite see or understand - but i know to be true
JPennant: something about my fear of failure
MisterB: hmm, does kinda make sense tho... leave it to your bro to lay it on the line :-)
JPennant: my brother in his more lucid, non-impulsive moments is a wise man
JPennant: :-)
JPennant: was reading this article in the SF examiner this morn
JPennant: http://www.sfexaminer.com/articles/2006/02/08/business/20060208_bu03_ahead.txt
JPennant: My idol, Peter Drucker, the recently deceased management consultant and author said, ?People who don?t take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year. People who do take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year.?
JPennant: Heh
MisterB: :-)