Sunday, July 13, 2003

California Survival Kit

My jaw agape, I watched her.

She was IT. Perfection in action.

Even tho she was reaching middle age, she DEFINED California.

Blonde hair bouncing, Prell style, energetic, perky, giggly, tanned, perfect teeth, perfectly modulated radio DJ voice, blinding white kicks with matching bobbysocks, and a lifelong user several years clean, now in recovery and therapy.

A textbook Californian, albeit one afflicted with ADD. :-)

But I was less fascinated by her as how she talked. Her speech had ALL the required california phrases.

There was an IBM commercial years ago that had a group of california surfers having a business meeting on the beach.

The commercial used subtitles.

Heh.

Californians will tell you there are no such "california phrases". That theyre no different than anywhere else. *pshaah* What rot.

These basic phrases are the lubricant an outsider NEEDS to be able to survive california. The sooner one acquires and learns how to use them, the easier life gets here.

Dude. Absolutely, absolutely.

See, these words are designed to CALM down folk, get 'em to deal with each other, as Californians strive so hard to get along, even when they hate each other with passive-aggressive passion.

Fer instance: New Yorkers might have the all-purpose "Yo", Californians will use the all-purpose "Dude".
For a controversial statement, New Yorkers might say "You out of your FUCKIN' mind??", Californians will preface what theyre about to say with "Mmmmmm.."

So, study these, learn them, live them...

  • "That's Ok!"

    ".. but if youre into public bestiality, that's OK!, we're not here to pass judgement.."

  • "Dude."

    "Dude, that tattoo on your dick is *righteous* man. Dude, thats NOT a tattoo? Duuuuude."

  • "Mmmmm.."

    "Mmmm.. Im not sure lighting up in front of the police station would be.. mmm.. wise."

  • "Absolutely, absolutely."

    "We will DEFINITELY have lunch after you kiss my ass, absolutely absolutely."

  • "Cool."

    "Dude, you are such a total head case. I LIKE that!"
    "Cool."


  • "Good stuff."

    "Yup. When the meth lab exploded, it laid down a blast radius that totally dried my clothes. Whoo. Good stuff."


    Dude, this stuff isnt.. mmmm.. trivial if you plan to live in Cali. Not speaking the lingo will cause the natives to treat you harshly, absolutely absolutely. But if you dont want to learn this, thats ok! Its cool.
    But if you take the time learn the system and be copacetic with the people, yeah, good stuff.

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