Monday, March 27, 2006

It's not you, it's me.


Everything in your life can change. Today, figure out which things are going to.

Develop your abilities to adapt and improvise, and you'll be able to face the future fearlessly. Once you accept that change and fluctuation are a part of your life, you'll be able to make great strides forward.

Already on it.

By the end of this year, I should be living a different life than I am now.

Over the last few years, Ive been holding back on doing the things I want to do. Now Im done holding back.

Things are coming together.

I should trust the process more than I do, but fear is inevitable if you have any sense.
While living in Berkeley, I met many folk who I respect and admire. That theyve made mistakes in their lives is undeniable, and theyre struggling to regain what theyve lost is not a sure thing.

Ive learned a lot from them - one being this: "Work on yourself before you work on your problems." Most definitely.

One of the wonders of growing older and gaining experience is the realization of how much you dont know and how much you didnt know previously. Far from being frustrating, it's an indication of growth, although I will look back and think "Jeez, how ignorant was I?".

And thats just yesterday. :)
One of the more painful things is to consciously shed people you care for. Thats not an easy decision and not an easy thing to do if youre doing it from love. Basically, I have to love myself more.

I'll say this as an explanation for those who think they might be one of those people: its not about you, it's me.

If Im angry at you, thats my issue. If I have to seperate from your orbit, its because I need to feel better about myself. You are who you are. If I cannot handle it, that's me. Not you.

An ex once said that I avoid conflict. She saw this as a sign of weakness. Actually, I avoid conflict because ... I like to fight. As another once said in surprise after knowing me for 4 years, "You are no teddy bear, are you."
Nope. I have claws.

So, if someone makes me angry, the best thing I can do is to get away from them.

I just dont like being around people who piss me off. I get away from them.

Dont mistake my detachment for not caring.

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