Helping LilBro clean up Ma's apartment a few weeks ago, we came across a picture of all three brothers together, taken I think in 97 or 98.

I cringed at the picture of us together arm in arm, smiling.

"My god, I didnt appreciate just how big I'd gotten over the years."

I think I wouldve felt worse if I hadnt lost weight this past year.

That brings us to the year end review:

Do you feel the past year has been a waste?

Hell no. A lot of worthwhile things happened.

So, the entire year did NOT suck?

In retrospect, it sure has.
The poverty and uncertainty, yes, does indeed suck.

But, I also accomplished a LOT in the last year.
Not as much as I'd like. but *shrug*.

See, thats the thing about all this...

Im going through tough times because I NEEDED to make changes. I dont think I would be as driven to make those changes if it were not for the hard choices that limited means forces upon you.

So.. the good things:

Yes, Ive lost quite a bit of weight this last year.
Partly because of the poverty.
The daily walking helped too.
I just hope I have the will to keep it down when times are good again.

My only regret is that I couldnt afford to partake of Bayonne's and Staten Island's fine dining establishments.. but if I had.. *sigh*

My health is a LOT better than it has been, partly for the reason stated above.
Partly because Ive been away from the stress of living and working in New York proper.

The time spent in the outer provinces has definitely helped.

I am hell bent following my dreams and inclinations.
This past year, I had the choice to go for the 9-5, or work toward what I feel I should be doing.

Im making the stubbornly hard choices, and Im paying for 'em.

But... I feel this is a test.How badly do I want my dreams?

Badly enough to endure all this. So bad I can *taste* it.

As I said to someone just now.. bad things often happen for good reasons.

Last year around this time, I knew I needed to make changes.

I wanted to lose weight and start a new career.

Did that. And much more. And thats good.

Lets hope this year gets better.
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I check my mail daily.. and normally it merely dribbles in.

I dont get to check my mail for the holidays.. and I have 45 pieces waiting for me.

Im not complaining.. but whoo.. Ive spent most of my precious library time answering mail.

But its nice.
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Where am I going? Where will I be?

Still up in the air as I write.