Howl, the sequel

I went walkabout with a camera yesterday.

No, a film camera.. and its not mine. Id thought it was, but no - Im sharing.

And people wonder why I have trust and control issues... Id rather have my own shit than ask for help.

Film cameras made me give up photography when I was younger.

I took 10 images in all.

I wont know how the images will turn out, or if any will.

*gah*

I just want some good equipment to take the images I want, with the freedom to do what I want WHEN I want.

And if it simply falls into my lap, well thats fine with me too.

*sigh* No, I dont.

I want to publish books and stories. Im working toward that.

I want to have enough resources to do what I want when I want. Im working toward that too.

Yeah, the deprivation is worthwhile.

It just dont feel fair, or fun, sometimes.

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I dreamt of Hawaii again last night.

I remember being in Florida and dreaming of California, living in San Francisco.

Those dreams seem now to be waaaaay off base... and yet not.

And it took me awhile to get to Cali.

Last night I realized that I left New York about two years ago.

Ive learned a lot about The God's timetables never coinciding with my own, no matter how hard I try.

And that my dreams do come true.. in a fashion.. just never when I think they will.

So...

I dreamt of Hawai'i last night.

Again.