Friday, August 28, 2009

Dreams arent pointless

Even when being surreal, dreams often point to something significant I believe.

Had a dream last night that a couple I barely know were bitterly telling me that I hadnt paid them any money I owed. They recounted every instance that I had put on my blog and facebook where I had money and never offered to pay THEM. Bitterly, recounted *every* instance.

In the dream I was puzzled, and when I woke up I was puzzled. For I rarely borrow or ask for money from anyone - and never these individuals. The hell?

So, when I woke up I tallied those I owe any money to - and there are two. Then I thought more and came up with two more from years back from people I havent seen or spoken to in years, but always intended to pay back. Then I though of folk who had gifted me cash that I wanted to repay, even though it wasnt a loan. Ok, maybe that counted. But still - I hold pride that I would rather suffer than ask for money.

However, going back made me realize something - these people were proxies for something deeper. Not that I was a deadbeat, but in their eyes, I was a bum. Yeah, I might live the itinerant lifestyle proudly, willing to go through poverty while doing so, but in the eyes of many, I am a bum. That may or may not be true, but still.

Even though I have earned serious money over the years, when I average things out since I left school, there have been far more lean years than flush times, basically hard spikes in a flatline.

This coming birthday and being in Vegas has me making plans to make myself more secure, but shit - as of now I am a bum, dammit.

This couple had a point.

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