Intake of breath

.....the growing wasp of thoughts competing for my full attention is not making me clear-headed.

Just for clarity's sake, sometimes I wish I could seperate my feelings from thoughts, as its hard as hell to handle my emotions.

I need a girlfriend.

Sex is almost the least of why that is.

Im sick and tired of having to be prepared to not give a shit.

Now, I do have great folk near and far who give me luv and comfort and who have my back.. but at the end of the day, I live my life and they live theirs.
Which means, I have to purge the feelings because that would mean I would be crossing friendship barriers and all.

I cant escape being a Virgo.. but even folk as stubbornly self-reliant as we are need that singular love and comfort.

The hard reality, taught to me again this past year is that most women are looking for - to use a quaint term -a good catch.

(Convo the other day)

kate: you cant put it down to all just money..ok that is not fair
JPennant: No, that is the hard reality hon.
JPennant: Its not all money, but you make the choices as to what you feel is best, ultimately.
JPennant: I'll try to get my shit together so that folk wont feel like that theyre taking a chance on me, and they could do better.
JPennant: It was J that made me appreciate this.
JPennant: 'It is about the money, honey'
kate: hmm
kate: see i disagree
kate: i dont think it is about the money
kate: yeah of course it is nice to have money and throw it around
kate: but, THAT is not why people choose to be with others (unless they are cold, goldiggers)
JPennant: True. But that is a BIG reason
kate: some people are like that
JPennant: The point is
JPennant: when youre picking a romantic partner
JPennant: they preferably have to be able to take care of themselves and have decent prospects.
JPennant: right?
kate: yes
JPennant: that was the issue with me, hon.
JPennant: Everything else simply couldnt get past that.

Yep.

Part of aiming to become a better man.