Saturday, December 08, 2001

Profound thoughts?

Bread from Allan's Bakery in Brooklyn. In 20 years I havent tasted better. Got those a-plenty.

But nothing left to say right now.

Severe agita from the lack of money and the impending loss of home?

Hasnt let up since the summer.

Romance?

HAH! No finance, no romance buddy. :-)

Dreams? Re-pry-or-i-tyzed. But I havent, cant - let them go.
A) Ive let them go before, instead of trying to find ways to make 'em work - and Im still kicking myself over lost opportunities that appeared just after Id given up. B) Somedays, theyre the only thing that still keeps the fire lit.

So no.. gotta fight for them, even though the cost has been high.

The alternative is worse.
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My Dad was ranting a bit: "As you get older...the bottom line becomes to survive as best you can..."

"We dont know about that yet, Daddy."
- Microserfs

Back when I lived in Jacksonville (I think back in 91 or 92, when the last recession was in full swing) I went to my local pawnshop to get a loan off my TV and VCR, for the third time - as I was good at paying back everything, plus interest.
(An aside: If a town or state seems to have a lot of pawnshops, think twice before moving there. Trust me on this.)

The lebanese clerk, with whom I was now on speaking terms (I think some pawnbrokers are really moonlighting bartenders in their ability to listen to countless tales of woe) gave me the usual amount of cash for the items.
But this time I was getting to the end of my rope...

"I dont know if I'll be able to come back for them this time" I said.
He looked at me, and in a firm, accented tone answered, "Dont worry, you'll be alright. Youve got character. Youre a survivor."

I never forgot that, drawing strength ever since from that character asessment.

I was right, though. I never did go back for my stuff.

He was right. Ive never pawned anything after that.

I survived.
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