To whine or not to whine?

yambiguous: so, howz you doing?
JPennant: survivin, nervous, yet surprisingly optimistic
JPennant: dunno how much of that is due to my chica, but Im not complaining
yambiguous: heehee
JPennant: things are moving, dont know how, but I have a feeling Im riding forward on the tide/swell of events
yambiguous: i hope so
JPennant: eh, as I said, Im being frighteningly optimistic ;-)
JPennant: looking forward to LA
yambiguous: any approx timetable?
JPennant: Im thinking middle of June, but dont hold me to it. My timetables are never exact or sure
yambiguous: notice i said "approx"...;-) hehe
JPennant: heheh, wise man. youre learning ;-)

My chica isnt as sanguine about the state of affairs as I am....

JPennant: Im broke and hungry and homeless and yet, life feels good
JPennant: I wished for this life
JPennant: heheh. as they say, be careful of what you wish for ;-)
angelz: hungry? :-(
angelz: babyyyy
angelz: :-(


Hmm. Not good.

I keep forgetting folk worry about me.

Just how long do I want to stay on this path?
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JPennant: man, I am tired
misterB: from what?
JPennant: the uncertainty
JPennant: heh, its funny
JPennant: What I want to be fullfilled is some cash in hand a steady place to be
misterB: of no place to live? no steady job?
misterB: yeah
JPennant: but I find it ironic
JPennant: that most folk with [steady jobs and places to go home to] are feeling like something is depserately missing
misterB: haha, it's always greener on the other side
JPennant: This uncertainty puts me in places I normally wouldnt go
JPennant: I wouldnt have gone to Berkeley if I hadnt worn out my welcome with Fred
JPennant: I wouldnt have seen East Oakland if I didnt have to scramble for a place
JPennant: And I wouldnt be travelling around the country at all if I hadnt felt I had to leave NY
misterB: so, what does it all mean then?
JPennant: Well, the uncertainty and poverty is pushing me into places I wouldnt have gone, sending me on internal and erxternal journeys
JPennant: otherwise, I wouldve been pining in my safe place wishing I could travel
misterB: but there must be something else
JPennant: hm?
misterB: maybe you haven't found what you're in search of?
misterB: i dunno, just shooting in the dark
JPennant: thats the thing
JPennant: I was reading some of my archives recently, at random
JPennant: and I had forgotten about some of the stuff I had gone thru
JPennant: and all that was left were my writings and pictures
JPennant: the uncertainty, poverty and whatnot werent as relevant as it seemed back then
JPennant: I just wish I didnt have to go thru the deprivations.. but thats a part of it
JPennant: And worse, its been a CONSCIOUS choice
misterB: natch, i don't have a good handle on how you can go thru this, so it's tough to give a good opinion :p

JPennant: what Im wondering is if the suffering is essential
JPennant: Im tired of it
JPennant: of depending on the kindness of strangers
JPennant: and enduring the humiliations of strangers
misterB: well, maybe it's time to change your path
JPennant: thats what Im wondering

JPennant: ironically, the for rent signs are popping up all over
JPennant: this area is looking suspiciously like its in a depression
misterB: i believe it
JPennant: Im just wondering if I'll be suffering even more in LA
JPennant: and if I can deal with that
misterB: hmm, that's hard to say if it's better here or not
misterB: depending on what it is you're looking for
JPennant: thats what I meant about being tired
JPennant: its been a long 2 and a half years
misterB: yeah, it's been a while, hasn't it?
JPennant: yeah, it has

JPennant: well, gotta go