Yeah, Im still very grumpy.

Even with the support of friends.. trying to get your life somewhere oft feels like a lonely, lonely task.

Trying to start a business, and trying to turn vague concepts into hard reality, feels like the old joke of "man with many hats, chief cook and busboy."

Ha ha.

Jeez... the Awful Truth of it slams home hard when youre actually living those cliches.

Daily, I alternate between thinking "Ive GOTTA do this" to feeling "Fuckit. I dont need to suffer like this."

Keeping da faith is hard sometimes.

Doesnt help when most folk, my friends dont see it, or regard the exercise as quixotic and misquided.

But Im on the path already, so...*shrug*

Im a solitary soul by nature, but Im just finding it even harder to deal with the irritations that friends and acquaintances often inflict(on top of the other neato crap of being flat broke AND trying to be in business).

It makes me want to be even MORE of a solitary soul.

Whats wrong is that I know that most of it isnt intentional. Theyre being who they are, and I should take it into account and treat them lightly.

I shouldnt take 'em so seriously. I should fake levity, even.

It aint easy.

And right now I dont feel like apologising to a soul, when I know I should.

Thats why I usually leave people alone when Im like this.

I know people do it and deal with it every day.. but all this shytte aint easy.

On all sorts of levels.
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These guys took a picture of me and the Cappy the other night by the Hoboken waterfront.

(By the way, just to clarify... the Cappy is my BUSINESS partner, not a love interest.)

So, as is my custom.. I take pictures of people who take pictures of me or ask me to take pictures of them with their cameras.







These "sons of hoboken" (that was for google's benefit) said they rilly WANTED the pictures.. and gave me the wrong effing email address to send it to.

Jeez. That is ever so irritating.

Ah well.

In case they happen to stumble across 'em....
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My father is a sociable man with a sensitive soul.

He is also a grumpy asshole.

I say this only because I am slowly starting to appreciate why he got that way.

Ive always known the 'how'. He did 20 years as a police officer and ended up in Jamaica's toughest police district during a time of vicious internicine warfare and tough martial law.

Did his 20 years, turned down the promotion to Deputy Inspector, took his pension and got out.

He's earned his right to be a grumpy asshole, several times over.

My father told me when I was barely a teen:

"You would be a good police officer. I'll shoot you if you become one."

He was only half joking.

His soul had been tried, and he changed forever.

He will always be a grumpy asshole.

Im starting to see why.

Now that Im becoming a grumpy asshole...
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Random pix of Hoboken NJ








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