Until recently, I had been bemoaning the fact, that my dreams had little to do with me and my life.

Theyre still nonsensical, unless Im writing a screenplay, but theyre getting a bit more personal.

Last night, I dreamt I was driving around Jamaica, places I have not been before.

Even my childhood fear and nightmares of driving off cliffs recurred, although this time, being in control of my fears, I simply flew the car back to the road.

As a pre-teen kid, my father used to take me around different places, to people he respected.

I was profoundly bored the majority of the time.

Now that Im older, with things no longer the same and many of the people gone, I kinda wish I had paid attention.

I am now the age he was then. I know get what he was trying to do.

I havent been back since 1982. Lack of time, money and interest being my excuses.

Ma told me my grandfather died last week.

My reaction was the same as my siblings.

To wit: "Why should I go to the funeral of a man who didnt even know I was alive?"

Hell, I didnt go back to the funeral of ma's only living sister, my Aunt Ellen. I love her dearly.

Why should I go to the funeral of some man who had too many children to keep track?

Ma, who is all about loyalty, got quiet and said "Maybe he just didnt kno who you were."

Her father just died. Shit. Amazing I just thought of it that way.

LilBro, born over a decade after all of us.. doesnt have the same feelings, and flew back for the funeral.

My LilBro is also about loyalty.

With that dream, I realize I do want to go back - at least for a couple of visits.

To see the mountains, coasts and family I hardly remember after 20 years. To see that bright white midday sunlight, to smell the fog, cedar, willows and firs of the mountains and to see the deep, stunning blues of the morning skies and seas.
And to see a scissor-tailed hummingbird fly by the hibiscus again, in all its irridescent glory.

Although, I hope to gawd I dont see as many weirdos as I did in that dream.
-------------