I wish..

"I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl
so then
I could call her
I wish I had a rabbit
in a hat
and
a bat
and
a six four father.

I wish I was a little bit taller, y'all."

- Skee-Lo I Wish

- I wish I had some quality pots and pans so I could cook more.

I have a saute pan, and two pots. Thats it.

I would love a couple of woks, cast iron pans, non-stick well built pots and a 'dutch' pot.

Hmm. Maybe I could use a pressure cooker too.

A pressure cooker. That was the last thing my Aunt Ellen asked me for. And she NEVER asked for anything.

And I never came through. :-(

- I wish we could have some rain and wash this pollen storm outta the air.

Even people who have never had an allergy attack are succumbing to this pollen storm.

We need some steady rains to abate the dust and bring some relief.

You can hardly think when you can hardly breathe....

- I wish I could relax.

Money isnt going to end all my worries (it usually brings up some other worries.. boys and girls.. let no one ever know you have money.), but I just wanna live and live my dreams.

Money would allow me to focus on them.

But without the motivation to think of solutions that poverty provides, I would prolly still be wondering why I'm vaguely dissatisfied with life.

I'm not dissatisfied with life, but I am tired of not having some long term stability.

Then again, as I told Jules of NY recently.. if I had to choose between being rich and dissatisfied and poor but focused - I would always choose the latter.

But still....

- I wish &%#$)*& blogger would work.

Ive wasted much of these last few days trying to simply publish entries and retrieve lost archives.

But apart from hating Ev with a passion he can only dream of right now.. its not so bad.

That boy is in over his head and distracted by the notoriety.

Anyways.

Blogger was supposed to be a temporary publishing solution until I got a semblance of stability back.

Well, I assumed that meant I would have the cash to have a laptop powerful enough to run Dreamweaver again...

But shit. I have all the tools to design or appropriate my own solutions right now.

And Ive been meaning to redesign my site properly and bring it out of the HTML 3 days.

Really, if push came to shove, I COULD put dreamweaver on this thing.. but nah.

Im learning the technologies behind the internet, so why not take advantage to learn more?

Its not a tragedy, its an opportunity.

- I wish I had some steady companionship.

A sex-obsessed (some call him a perv) piscean friend suggested the next time I swing by Berkeley, to come by and swing.

Not to dance..

Heheh. I admit, for a hot minute there.. I said "Hmm...." :-)

But Im still a Virgo. Anything beyond twosomes make me uncomfortable. :-)

I realized with a start, that in the year since I met Da Girl, I have not dated at all.

Yikes.

And yet.. Im in no hurry to do anything or be with anyone.

Things arent so bleak.

Ive been meeting women my own age, who know what they want.

These last coupla years, Id forgotten what that was like.

Its been a very nice change, but then - aint nuthin for free.

Right, B? ;-)

Ex-husbands, ex-boyfriends, CURRENT boyfriends, kids, expenses.

Whoo. All that.

(There is no term Ive grown to hate worse than "the children's father/aka the baby's daddy". That fucker is NEVER out of the picture, even if he's not around and never there. He's always on somebody's mind and everpresent.)

Heh. You know what, maybe what I have now.. peace, quiet and a lack of drama aint so bad. :-)

I should enjoy this while it lasts.
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On the bright side though, I have and have had much of the things Ive wished for in my life.

As I said, Im not dissatisfied with my lot in life.

So, I guess - above all else..


I should give thanks.

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