New Year, a Leap year

So again, Im stepping into the great unknown without a net or a plan B.

Taking that leap.

I coulda begged, connived and accepted help and favors to make it easier for me.

Nah, pride and knowing how much damage Good Intentions can cause - I have to decline. Learned my lessons the hard way.

It's far better to be self-sufficient, even though Mira keeps harping on me to learn to accept help. *feh*

Heh, intentional ignorance. The only way to do it.
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Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice.

- William Jenning Byant

What I learned this past year.

The resolution in 2003 was to surrender.

The result: I learned to Live, Love and Let Go.

Learned that I had to pay attention to my inner self. My spiritual world.

Could I have done all this in New York? No. I know now that I had to come to California, which has given me the room to *safely* take this path.

New York would have killed me.

So I learned how to live, to relax and let life be what it is. Accupuncture helped. :-)

I learned to love more directly and not let my fears stop me from chancing it. Doesnt mean I have to abandon my common sense, but fear.. no.

I also learned to love folk on a more basic level, to let them in even when I aint feelin it. Although again, no abandoning of common sense.

And to let go. And although letting go as in moving on is a part of it.. it also means learning to let go on a more basic level. To let go of myself. To learn to be still. To not let doubt be as much a factor. To trust in what is.

In fact, its perfectly encapsulated in this old Indian saying/prayer:

Teach us to care, and not to care.

Teach us to sit still

Man, zen kicks ass dont it? :-)
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Zo, the year-end review (based on the questions I asked at the end of 2001):

Do you feel the past year has been a waste

Whoo, no. NOW Im understanding the reasons I moved out here.

In the middle of the year, yeah, I felt bitter at the chances I passed up to move on and up.. but now, no.. I had to work on myself.

So, the entire year did NOT suck

Of course not.

Been a year of growth.