This isnt meant to be poetic.
Its a stream of rumination.

I needed to open my soul to someone.

From the get-go, it was apparent to all it wasnt a perfect fit..
But to me, it did.
Things were locking into place with breathtaking accuracy.
If I tried to peer around the corners of my awareness to see what was up ahead
I could see that this person wasnt going to be a part of my life in the forseeable future.
Just the near future. But not beyond that.
It didnt fit.
Yet, it fit.

It was vitally important that I open that window.
The Voice told me to do it, that it was all good if I did..
Not that my wishes would come true, but that in doing so, it was all good.

It made perfect sense, but didnt hold up under analysis.
I was told to let go, see what would happen, go with the flow.
So, I reluctantly aceded.

I was aware, I was right, but I was confused - even though it passed the truth test for me.

I didnt open the window all the way.
An instinct, a voice if you will, told me I needed to save a little bit for myself.

That was just common sense speaking though.
But I couldnt let common sense interfere with what I needed to have faith in

To my friends, they felt i was being naive, foolish.
She herself even told me she was not worthy.

So I asked The Voice again.
It said again, its all good.

So I decided to have faith.

Crushing issues reared up, demanding my attention.
I needed to concentrate on them.

There was a reason I had neglected them, because something was missing.
Something vital.

So, it would be futile to deal with those issues, while this, something, was unresolved.

Because the most important thing was to open that window.
I needed to do that before I could make any progress.

At the end of a year, it felt like I had made great progress.
My folk around me saw nonesuch.

By their standards, I was poor, itinerant and besotted with some girl.

True.
But I felt I was better off in very important ways.

Even though I would not consciously choose where I am right now
I am exactly where Im supposed to be.

I can now move forward.

The issue has been partly resolved.
Opening the window has allowed something important to start flowing.

I truly believe in the concept of congruence.
Things coming together.
Passing the test of truth.

Years ago, I had gone through a similiar experience.
Things were congruent, and yet it wasnt meant to be.

Or so I thought.

I look back many moons later, and I realize the direction of my life changed drastically because of her.
She was not just a catalyst.
She was THE catalyst of my adulthood, affecting my life to this day.
It was meant to be.

However, I never saw her again after that period of my life passed.

To have faith is to learn not to fight the flow of life.

To release your fears and to accept what is, is NOT easy.

Hard as hell.
As times got tough recently, I asked how I was going to get over the hump.
This time, The Voice, instead of telling me, "Its all good" said
"You will get past this. You will LIKE what happens after all this".

Interesting.

And so far, I have been provided everything Ive needed.
I had to have faith in the flow.

Very interesting.

Even though it still doesnt make total sense to my logical mind.

Shit. Why do I listen to a voice that is in my mind?

I may be crazy, but it has the sincere ring of truth to it.

Ive come to trust that voice over the years. Many years. It has never steered me wrong.

Its a paradox.
To accept what is, makes it seem like you have no choice.
But you do have choices.
You can choose to go with the flow, or try something else.
Eventually Ive found that, although it is actually harder to go with the flow.. it turns out to be the easier way in the long run.
And you do have to choose.

Otherwise you keep ending up, coming back around, having to deal with yourself.

Do you know what you choose is the right thing to do?
That, you can never be sure of.

You can only hope.

You can never be sure what you do is the right thing.

You'll only know when you look back on the road youve travelled.

And yet you do know.

You cannot avoid what is true.

You just have to have the faith to accept what is.

And go with the flow.

I know I did the right thing to open that window and accept what was given to me.

Yeah, and so far, it's been all good.
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