When I moved to the South, I became a racist.

And a realist.

I firmly believe everyone, black/white/other, is a bigot at one level or another. Everyone has their prejudices.

To be honest about it.

Most people would like to think theyre not, that theyre good people.. and well, human.

Down south, I saw a place where people were expected to know their place. The code was obvious.

If you wanted to know the code, just ask.

People tried to get along, and people basically got along.. but you knew what time it was.

Before I got there, I dated interracially and freely. All races. Didnt even think about it. After.. I thought about it a bit more. A lot more.

Before I went down south, If I went to certain neighborhoods, my gut would tighten and I would talk to the cops who would check me out as to why I was in a neighborhood I so obviously didnt belong in.

After, I simply avoid the hassle.

So when a friend said I as becoming prejudiced, I was slightly incredulous.
She feels Im being unfair to people, maybe to her when I make passing references or cite examples.

Darling, I love you, and I understand how it feels...but you have it backwards.

Like most folk, I AM prejudiced. I am trying mightily to NOT be more prejudiced. I am TRYING to be fair to all. I am trying hard not to be bitter.

I didnt become this way overnight.

'White guy' mentality? She didnt like that term. Oh lord, I could go on for days with stories, RECENT AS LAST NIGHT< LAST WEEK< LAST MONTH< LAST YEAR that would illustrate as to what Im talking about.

By people I thought who were better than that.

That people wont go into certain neighborhoods because they dont feel comfortable?

Well duh. The example I cited.. I was talking to my cousin about it the other day... and before I was even halfway through, he finished without rancor or emotion:

"...and she didnt want to get it, even if she had a craving, because it wouldve meant going into an area she was uncomfortable in. And since most people dont like to feel like, admit, they do things like that, she is pissed at you for putting it out there in the open and making an example of her."

I didnt even have to spell it out.

And when I cited my friends example, I really wanted to tell her, why someone isnt thinking highly of her, frankly disappointed because she found excuses after excuses to not honor an invitation.

Lemme tell you the truth.

Sweetheart, even though they said it was ok when you didnt show up after you promised that you would? Its not ok. Trust me on this.

They truly thought you were better than that. Otherwise you wouldnt have been invited.

And the only way you can demonstrate that it is ok.. is to simply go to that neighborhood in broad daylight.

If you dont feel like it, or the prospect of going to that neighborhood bothers you.. SAY so.

Believe it or not.. they would appreciate a little honesty.

See, that is the thing about being down south. It may have been racist.. but for the most part - they tried to be honest about it.

And after awhile, even if I didnt like it, I appreciated being treated as if Im not a fool.

When the white girl I was dating, who lives out in Lake City warned me not to walk around her neighborhood, because all her neighbors had guns and could be trigger happy if they saw some unknown black person walking around the wrong part of town?

(note: Florida has a self-defence trespassing law. No one wouldve been charged if I were shot.)

I didnt take offense to it, because thats just the way it is. So she stayed over my place in the city after work more often than not.

And when I came back up North, I was glad to get away from the oppressively segregated atmosphere of the South.

To revel in New York City where people mix together because they HAVE to, whether they like it or not.

But there was one thing I wanted to keep from down south. I wanted people to be straight with me about what was up. Im a realist.

And for the most part people are.

I choose my friends carefully.

I try to be as open and accepting about them as I hope they are with me.

If I think about the people who show me loyalty and acceptance, there is no real pattern about their race or cultural background.

Doesnt need to be.

Race matters, but isnt AT ALL as important as the friendship, kindness, loyalty and acceptance.

These people demand the same thing I ask of them. That I am direct and trustworthy with them.

If that cant be, thats fine. I have enough friends who can.

So if you ask if Im prejudiced.. why, yes I am.

To be honest.

And like most people, I try not be.


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Im truly getting tired of trying to explain myself and folk not listening.

Move on.
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