The running theme through the movie Risky Business...

"Sometimes in life, you have to say 'What the Fuck'..."

- Risky Business

The older I get, every time I see that flick, the more layers I see. I see more and more and understand what Marshall Brinkman, the writer and director, was trying to say about growing up.

The older you get, the more WTF moments you have and the more significant they become.

And the more you GET it.

I'll explain what this has to do with anything in a bit.
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When I said it, she shot me a look.

Id never really seen that look before, and wasnt quite sure how to react.

It was a look of anger?sadness?indignation? No, but yes, but no. I didnt know what to call it.

What I said was "I dunno if I wanna go to The Bronx up where you are."

I didnt mean anything by it.

I had been in New York only a couple of months, and she had told me I could drop by her place anytime, I think this was for a do she was having.

And I said what I said.

And she shot me that look.

Now I know.

My friend.. probably ex-friend now.. said she didnt understand why I was picking on her.. making her an example.

I kept saying it wasnt about her. She hadnt done anything wrong. No one had.

It was about something greater.

Although, to be honest, it was indeed something she said jokingly and in passing that, in addition to things people had said during that time period, catalyzed into a "What the fuck" moment a day later.

I didnt even understand WHY I was writing that rant.. but it was powerful.

She said she wasnt really angry, but she was ... disappointed at me.

YES!!

THAT'S the word that described that feeling I was having. A combination of hurt/indignation/sadness/anger. Disappointment.

That describes exactly the look I got four years ago.

I tried telling her that it really wasnt about her, and SHE didnt do anything wrong, really. NO, REALLY... but after awhile I got tired of it and stopped.

I didnt, and I dont wanna argue about it, because the feeling comes from something that made me tired.

I got tired of arguing because what I feel isnt so much indignation or anger.. and its not really about race.. but .. .
But it IS about how people treat people.

Its about the many pinpricks of disappointment when someone wont come to where you LIVE because.

Because they dont wanna go in a 'bad' neighborhood.

Because they dont have the time.

Because its too far.

Because they dont want to be mugged.

Because they dont feel like it.

Because. Because. Because.

Like everyone, Im guilty of it too.

I have ridden through the Bronx, once dropped someone off there, taken my niece to the Bronx Zoo once..

But have I really been there in 4 years? No.

Even though Ive been invited many, many, many times.

And why havent I gone?

Because. Because. Because.

I have used any and all of the above reasons.

Its not about race. Or, not just about race.

Here is the real 'because': The Bronx has a horrendous rep. EVERYONE in New York and beyond knows that. No one wants to live there.

Fuckin' Fort Apache: The Bronx.

I aint goin there. Nor seriously consider living there.

Wrong. Millions of people live there. Usually because they want to.

And thats why I got the look.

I pissed on where folk actually live, like its a lower place to be.

And for the folk, that reflected on them.

When I didnt want to go to Staten Island to visit Carol.. I got the look. When I declined to go to her halloween party, because I didnt wanna be stuck out in SI, she took it very personally.
She is STILL pissed about that.

When I didnt want to haul out to Washington Heights to visit LadyK and Rashid. I got the look.

In and of itself, saying "because, because, because" is not a crime. Nor is it morally wrong.

No one is doing ANYTHING wrong. (And people seem to miss those words even when I say it a million times. Yes, I mean you.)
There is nothing WRONG with saying "because, because, because".

In fact, the reasons are invariably valid.

The reasons are always valid not to go 'certain' parts of NY, Chicago, LA, Oakland, Miami... anyplace. Even when the people who live there assure you its a lot safer than you think. Because they live there.

Because, because, because.

No one can dispute them.

But say it enough times. Hear it enough times. And you get these little pinpricks of disappointment every time.

Eventually, after feeling that little "twinge" every time, but shoving it away because, maybe after a coupla years like I did, you get a "WTF" moment.

It aint just me.

A lot of folk are 'disappointed', having HAD their "WTF" moment.

So, when someone who lives in a 'ghetto' part of town, or out of the way, and you give them "because, because, because" when you say why you cant/wont go there.

And they shoot you the look.

"Because" theyve heard it a million times.

"Because" *they* know what real "because" is.

And they take it personally, even though -logically - they know there is no reason to.

Hopefully you'll understand.

Because, because, because.
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