Last year at this time:
Quietly freaking out cuz I had no home, and I was moving to god knew where. And trying not let the fear show.

Now:

Dont know where Im going, what I'll be doing... nervous. But now, at least the fear factor isnt as high.

Heh. After awhile, ya stop worrying and just deal.
Cuz it never stops, Ive learned.

Im not sure if I'll be returning to Jersey to live tho.
I think if I do - I need to avoid being so far from the city, dependent on having a car for work, basics etc etc.
However, Jersey has a lot to offer. So, I wouldnt rule it out as a place to live.

Just closer, thas all.

Bayonne? I would buy a house here, definitely, but otherwise - I doubt I'll be back anytime soon.
Staten Island would be a better option if I were looking for peace, quiet and reasonable rentage.

Where will I go? Dunno.
What will I be doing? Dunno.

But I have some ideas.

One option that is getting me kinda jazzed.. is FINALLY going back to school.
I figure if I can get me some sorta work on campus, I can start easing back into the life.

*cough* Co-eds were not a consideration. *cough*

Well, Ive always said - I wanted to finish my degrees, so why not? I now have the time for that as well as the other schtuff.

Yeah, I know - When you have the time, you dont have the munny. And when you have the money, one can rarely spare the time.

But.. if Ive learned nothing, its this: Time is far more valuable than money.

So, Ive got the time.

Its been hard-earned.
-------------
Damn.. it has gotten chilly, even though the temps arent drastically low.

Sun is right when she sez..

The cold out there is the kind of cold that makes your ears, face, hands and HAIR sore.
Using Haydz and I's favorite quote..."why the fuck did we move here?"

Heheh.

To be in NooYAWK, baybee. :-)

This feels like Chicago weather.

At least we havent had a white holiday.
Quite unlike Buffalo and upstate NY where theyve gotten 4-7 FEET of snow this week.

Jeebus.

I aint gonna complain.
-----

"I do not seek to follow in the footsteps of men (and women) of old;
I seek the things they sought."
Basho

10 years ago, I wouldnt have considered that quote 'profound'. Now I do.

Another one of those things I appreciate more now that Ive reached *cough* middle age. :-)
----------
Oh wait, no. According to the rules - I have one more year before I leave 'young adulthood'. Whew.

Princess Moshi. Made me grin wide today.

Her xmoose (hadda swipe that one, fred :-) envelope came after xmoose (I think it was prolly being held up while being irradiated at the Jersey processing center), but when it came today...

She's da best. :-)

Umm. I want more of that hand-made soap hon. (I had the librarians smelling that light tea flower scent and they were going apeshit...)

I woulda been glad just for the soap, but then I felt something else in the envelope....

Oh man. :-) Sumthin' for my soul.

((((hugs))))

She's da best.
--------
From my apartment window, you can see the stars and planets on clear nights.

Unusual for the New York area, but its an accident of geography as Im looking past Staten Island and Brooklyn into the darkness of the Atlantic where there is no light pollution.

Anyway.. after 9-11, it was odd to not see any planes in the sky, where I used to be able to see the lights of 10 at a time. Apart from the occasional helicopter.

When they resumed, the airliners were flashing like Christmas ornaments - all lights on so the patrolling fighters could see them.. but passing by one at a time.

Occasionally, I would see, high up, the distinctive strobe of an F-16 flash as they made their turns and disappeared.

Now, it feels odd to see so many planes flashing around as theyve started allowing normal flight patterns.

Flying past the stars. A grand sight in its own way, I think.

They all slow down as they pass by Manhattan.
---
In the spirit of looking back and reviewing.. random old school pix:


July 2000. 23rd and 6th Avenue, Chelsea
Friday nights/Saturday morn in Manhattan, you see .. things.. .
This area of Chelsea is rife with clubs.
So after work one friday night, I was eating a calzone at this pizza joint. I had set the camera down onto the table, and this couple came in..
Hence the picture.


Canal Street and Broadway, Chinatown


B44 bus, Nostrand and Fulton, Brooklyn


Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts.
63rd and Broadway, Upper West Side
----------

Waiting outside my apartment for LilBro to pull up and load up most of my posessions...

&$#^$%^ DAMN its cold!

Checking the bank time and temperature sign indicated it was 30 degrees..

Me: &#%$% sign is optimistic. It says 30 degrees and it feels like 15.
Rational Brain: Hey. Dumbass. 30 degrees. Thats BELOW FREEZING.
Me: Oh. Yeah.
-----------
I was about to throw out a bag of clothes, and looking in there was outerwear from the Chicago days. Over 10 years.

Hey, Ive lost a bit of weight this year, so I tried a storm jacket on..

HEY! It fits!

In Chicago, I bought quality outerwear that would last for decades.

After tossing most of my detrius (still have some clothing to wash, sort and pack), I went out in this jacket - not having worn it in a decade (I didnt need it in Jacksonville).

Whoo doggie. This quality non-K-Mart shytte kicks ass.

Even with the sharp noreaster blowin, I was boiling after a few blocks.

Quality is quality.
--------
Anybody need a gong? If I dont find storage for it, Im gonna havta toss it...

Yaddayaddayadda. :-)

Went to the bakery for my gratis coffee and donuts this morning:

The sicilian lady goes:

"What can I getta for you, Joey?"

Heh. Joey.

"Yah. You are a 'Joey'.. some people its not right to calla them 'Joseph'.."

I will love this Sicilian woman forever. :-)
-------
Me: I gotta go through everything, throw out all that I dont need. Even the the stuff I think I might need.
Her: Ooof. I hate packin'. Me anna mah daughta, the other night - she is a movin from her place, all night and morning, we hadda tha coffee, tha tea, the water.. all we drink, we donta eat nothin'. We donta have da time, we go through everything.. and we still no finish.
Me: Heh. I hear ya. I think Im gonna give away most of my books and throw out a lot of my clothes.. a lotta stuff I think I need, I dont.
Her: No. Dont do that. You never know when you needa the books. Plus, they expensive. You, you keep d'ose, find some place to keep them.

*nod* She's right. Common sense. But, if there is any doubt, Im tossing it.

I wish to travel very light.
-------

Hopefully, I didnt miss anyone. But .. if you dont get at least an e-card from me, just know this:

To all, I wish joy, warmth and love for the holidays and throughout the next year.

I havent forgotten.
-----------

Horrorscope...

If you want to master your destiny, then discipline and organization are mandatory. Make no plan without an alternative backup. Consider every trajectory and prepare to make whatever adjustments become necessary. Add flexibility and a sense of humor. A new attitude invites a kind of nirvana.

True dat.

Random randoms:
---------
I once mentioned to Maria of all the possessions I need to move around with me (very few items), one is a gong in a polished wood stand Id gotten as a thank you from a client..

She goes: "A gong! How random!"

Heh. Which is why I do these random things...
------------
Why doesnt New York seem to have a Hawaiian restaurant joint? Or at least one that serves Hawaiian staples?

(Mars and Sun keep rambling on about not being able to get Hawaiian breakfasts of Portugese sausage, rice and eggs on the mainland....)

Although I personally think Chicago is a better restaurant town, it amazes me that in a city of people from 169 countries and seemingly just as wide a variety of restaurants, you cant find a Hawaiian joint. Not a one.

Sun observes:
<< For some reason mainlanders think anything with "pineapple" in it is Hawaiian. >>

Um, I never did. But then again, Ive never been.

Mars retorts:
<< portugese sausage, eggs, and rice! that's my idea of a local hawaiian breakfast. Maybe substitute spam for the sausage and i'd still be happy. THAT's what i was missing when i was up in cali. I could've used that Denny's many a time if i had known about it JP! =)

And Sun...i totally agree with you about the pineapple = hawaiian thing. How retarded is that? Pineapples aren't even indigenous to this stupid island. haha. joke's on them. >>

Hehehe.

But, umm.. Spam is a Hawaiian delicacy/staple? FRIED Spam???

Hmmm. Mebbe there's a reason there isnt a Hawaiian joint in Gotham... *cough* :-)

I dont even know what Portuguese sausage is, but the thought of it is makin' me hungry now.

Unless thats just a euphemism for Spam in a roll....
----------

Philosophical ruminations Dept:

Heh. Now I know for sure God has a sense of humor.

For the first time in decades, I am reading books voraciously, even if the motives are profit and lifestyle oriented.

Puts me in poverty so that'll I'll go back to the basics. Bahstid. :-)

"I feel like Im on track" is only the start of the process.

When you DO find direction, it doesnt get any easier bubkas.

Now I am playing "Connect the dots" in the trying to solve the mystery of life. Hence the reading.

I know I'll be going "DOH!! That was so obvious!" later on in the process, but for now - I am going from Rand to Warhol to Leger to Lichtenstein, and nodding my head as I connect the dots on this path.

Its not about art, not just about business, not just about dreams.. and yet it is.

The point isnt evident yet, but I think Ive asked some of the right questions.

To paraphrase what I read in a book by Cliff Hollenbeck..

"A little bit of education and a little bit of experience will get you a complete life."

Yes indeedy.

It aint that simple, and yet it is.

Out of the blue, much thanks, much appreciated, George .

"Limited means beget new forms, invite creation, make the style."
- Cahier de Georges Braque

He was speaking primarily of art and creativity, but the axiom applies in so many other ways.

Then again - the process is wearing against my pride.

*growl* "Chappin' mah grits."

Heh. So to speak.
-----------

Folk have been throwing nice breezes at me for showing some of the old pix..

I had forgotten that some folk hadnt seen 'em from the Pennants Pages dayz.

Here are a few more... and thanks. :-)


Jan 2000 Grand Army Plaza, Brooklyn.
For awhile, I was fascinated in trying to convey the subway experience.

For tourists, the surprise is the extreme in temps and smells. And crowds.

But like everything, the best I can do - is try to show the energy, with the confluence of people and machine.

March2000
Brooklyn Bridge/City Hall Subway Station


March2000
Bowling Green


November 99 Times Square.
Walking down Broadway in Times Square, I was taking pictures of folk pointing out the MTV studios. Then I noticed people were pointing the other way.

Only in Times Square would you not notice a 4-alarm blaze a block away.

I like this one for that and other reasons....


November 99.
Stuck in morning traffic on the West Side Highway, crawling by the Battery Park/WTC complex.

I stuck my head out of the back of the cab, looked up and snapped off a couple.

The moire pattern on the buildings I hate, but I guess that can be fixed in Photoshop....

October 99
Chelsea Piers, looking from the roof of the building at the corner of 20th and West Side Highway.

I saw God and everything when the clouds uncovered the sun rays, hadda catch it.


March 2000
A familiar viewpoint, from the back of a cab.

Lord, I took far too many cabs. Wasted *far* too much money.

Took me years to clock onto the fact that its usually faster to walk or whip out the Metrocard...

Same cab, 2 blocks... 20 $&%^&$# minutes later


Feb 2000.
47th Street N&R station

This piece of art was gone a few days later. New York changes almost daily, although it feels unchanging....
---------------------

Feeling restless yesterday morn, so I jumped on the light rail to Exchange Place for some pictures...

Cant upload 'em until I access a USB port and hi-speed net link.

But, it was sweet. Cold and clear makes for a beautiful sunrise over New York.

Very nice pictures. Shit, I could sell most of them.

The pictures are the kind that Cyn likes so much.

*sigh* Sans the WTC, of course.

I look over the PATH station that was the last/first stop to go under the river into NY and the WTC. Its all fenced off and empty now. Sad.

Even sadder, was that at 7am - I was the ONLY person out there. There was no one else.
Even with the cold and a Sunday morn, there are usually people all around, even at its most deserted, no matter the day or night.
The waterfront park is even starting to look run-down and dirty, with graffitti appearing on the signs. With the view diminshed and the subway station closed, its as if there isnt as much reason to be out there anymore.

Still, it was a great view.

Heh.. lemme take back that no one being out there. Halfway into my picture taking session - as pigeons were swirling around me looking to be fed, I noticed from the corner of my eye a Port Authority cop car pulls up behind, watching me. (They thought I wouldnt see 'em... even with glasses, I have excellent peripheral vision).

I pretended not to notice and kept trying to get shots of the pigeons, while catching the sunrise and skyline in the same frame.

They took off after a few minutes. Just doing their jobs.

Looks like there are a lot more cameras out there keeping watch over the waterfront.
----------
Looking back thru some of my old pics, reminded of all those careless pics I took last year....


Last December from the Gap store at the WTC concourse


Sometime late summer of 2000. I felt compelled to capture it this scene of them playing under the WTC...


Pulling into the ferry terminal in lower manhattan, the buildings, that before seemed scale-sized while out on the water, just *rise* up at you the closer you get.

I can never get used to the feeling.


Summer 2000. Who knew this would be a time-stamped shot....


Aug 2000. A poster for the School of Visual Arts. Canal Street A train station.

Back then, I was slightly horrified that they had this poster out.

Now I want one.


Heh. This was the July 4th of 2000, afterwards down in Brooklyn's Borough Hall subway station. It was hot and steamy down in them tubes.

I showed the guys the pictures. They loved 'em. :-)


Union Square, June 2000.
I caught the flash of bright yellow out the corner of my eye, held out my arm and snapped, hoping Id catch SOMETHING.

This is one of my favorite pics.


I HAD to take this picture. I HAD to take this picture. I HAD to take this picture.

*sigh* Summer in NY.


A meat store on Canal Street. Hope its still there.

Man, I miss wandering Chinatown.

Waaaaitaminnit.. is that *OCTOPUS* in the guys hand???




Pellegino's on MulberryStreet in Little Italy. Oooh. I SO miss eating out. :-(

The Hong Kee (thats the name, I swear) soy shop on the corner of Canal and Broadway.


Until Cyn turned me onto this place as well as soy, not fer nuthin, I wouldna touched soy anything.

Yum, fried soy noodles.. :-)

I should do more "blast from the past" pics.. :-). These remind me that I need to keep taking these pictures...

Cant stop.

Today's horrorscope:

Strength of purpose helps you through some tough challenges. Take time out to meditate and plan for the future. An optimistic attitude and a fresh perspective help you make new gains in your love life and career. Keep it up!

Using all the imspirational quotes I can get... :-)

Sidebar: My astrological quotes arent always the ones for Virgo.
See, I have a home-brewed system (Virgo/Cancer/Taurus/Aquarius) for reading this schtuff that works for me, so the 'quote' may not neccesarily apply to other Virgo's.
'K?
---------

The hardest thing to see, is what is in front of your eyes.
- Goethe

On one hand:

I would like stay where I am and enjoy the low rent and quiet suburbs.

On the other:

I wouldnt mind going back to New York or close to it.

Catch 22..

if I had the money to move, Id pay my landlord.

Gah.

Why do I get the feeling that the answers are right in front of me, as usual??

Then again, the voice in my head keeps saying.. "be patient".

Gah.
-------------

Although most might think with my time being my own, unemployed and broke - I am far from idle...

In the last few months, thanks to my local library Ive gone through what now seems an astounding number of tomes..

I started out, believing I needed to brush up on my technical skills due to the projects I attempted.

In hindsight, I didnt know what I didnt know.

The subjects covered so far:

Site design

Small business and marketing

Printing production

Page layout, design and typography

art history, design concepts and photography

Money management and investment

textile design

According to the printout I just got - I have taken out close to 65 books this year, reading almost all.

Wow.

And I still have quite a bit to learn.
-------------
Sent out countless resumes these last coupla months, rarely any responses.

And with the holidays being only 10 days away, I seriously doubt that'll improve before next year.

I just sent one out for Dreamworks. Now, THAT would be interesting.

I did get a response, automated, but at least a response.
----------

This week's horrorscope..

The planets are ganging up in your chart to precipitate long-postponed climaxes. As one of the fringe benefits, I'm betting you'll finally get to utter some magic words you've been waiting an eternity to say—maybe something like "Ha! Now you HAVE to gimme it! So gimme it NOW!" Or perhaps it'll be something a little classier, like "Ahem. I hate to tell you I told you so, but . . . I always knew I'd receive my rightful reward in the end."
Whatever the magic words are, I'm sure they'll ring with vindication, pride, and childlike giddiness.

I dont see it yet.. but gawd, we're hopin over here at Pennant manor.....
------
These last coupla days, Ive been getting madd google hits from people searching for news on the rumors that the Fuji 6900 camera (only introduced this summer) has been discontinued.

Apparently there is something to the rumor, according to this forum.

Man, thats the camera I want too.

Apparently, even a 6 megapixel (although technically only a 3+ megapixel camera) is rapidly becoming obsolete with the all the new product coming to the fore. So, it looks like it'll be replaced by an 8 megapixel unit called the 8900z (technically prolly just a 4 or 5 megapixel unit, but hey..)

Myself, I still want one. These cameras are too good to throw away.

Us Fuji camera owners are kinda fanatical. :-)
-------
Very glad to see Em and Winnie back online (if somewhat shakily) after becoming innocent collateral damage from the Excite@home/AT&T debacle.

Love the new look too, Em.

Sometimes I wonder what kinda cool-aid some of these CEO's are drinking.
------

Randoms.. on my daily walks to and from the library





















Ahh, its just a bucolic little place.

I should go. Accept the kind invite, take off.

It would be sweet release.

But if my traipsing around has taught me anything, its that traipsing around with no money in yer pocket is not jest stupid, but dangerous. Not romantic.

And people dont like broke people. :-)

I dont know if I SHOULD go, but I would like love to.

Sometimes a choice isnt a choice at all, eh.
-------

Fred is a troublemaker. :-)
----
I have a deep desire to update the products in the Itinerant store, redoing and adding designs.

Anyways, I standardized the logo and cut the prices to a penny over cost.

Eh. Id rather have people have the stuff (if they like it) and worry less about making a frikkin comission.

(TopCat voice..) So people.. buyBuyBUY!

Its not like Im making bagsfulla cash on this shytte anyway. :-)

(Added a stuffed bear to the collection).

Stuff I read that makes me nod my head, and go, "uh-huh, yep, thas right..."

i took a walk through my neighborhood yesterday, and the street was positively lined with people making and selling stuff on the street... i'm kind of into that, actually. it makes life interesting, and it's infusing new york with a something that's been gone for a while. dunno what it is but struggle and an empty bank account always do infuse a culture with a bit more ingenuity, at least in the beginning, at least before people get broken down a bit... one good thing about new york, it takes an awful fucking lot to beat a people down... obviously, we know this first-hand.
- Dori, going through the same slow-economy shiznit, trying to do something herself.

------------
Sometimes, I hear it out of the blue. Randomly.

One of the sicilan ladies telling her son : "This is joe.. he is gonna be a millionaire. He is gonna make it big."

Inwardly, I went "Gah!". I openly demurred. I want the expectations kept looooow.

The Cappy sez it from time to time, even as she see's no apparent progress.

Chatting with some Verizon repairmen this morning, hooking up some private fiber connections in the street:
"Youse gots some great ideas. You'll make it." says the younger guy.
I protest, giving examples as to how even good ideas are no guarantee and how much hard work, preparation and having to get past people who think you're crazy..
The older one, retiring in a few days, rebutted: "Nah.. you'll do it."

I thank them.
Sometimes, I even believe it myself.
------
Reading RiotGirl's 50 things she loves about New York.
I was gonna excerpt her thoughts on Brooklyn, but instead - this thing about 'power'

Power: Yep. Ugly word to some. But this city gives you strength. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. The city is alive and when it loves you, it makes you the greatest person in the world, capable of doing anything, however large or small. Some days buying a hair dryer is a challenge, but when you manage it, you know you’ve accomplished something. Because you had to work for it. Nothing comes easy here but the rewards of hard work are often…power.

Yep. Uh-huh. Thats right. Lotta hard work.

Ahh, fuckit.. I like the part about Brooklyn too..

Brooklyn. They say 1/4 of Americans have roots there. If that were only true, this country would be a lot better off. Brooklyn has pride. It has glory and sorrow, happiness and danger, all rolled into one big cannoli with a slice of white. It has a neighborhood for everyone. And people who live in Brooklyn are proud to be from Brooklyn. Hell. We got t-shirts. As my friend Gingi says, try shouting “Brooklyn in the house!” in a crowded bar or any large group of people from around the world. Someone will shout “WOOOOOOOOO!!!!HOOOOOO!!!!” As well they should.
After all, it is the greatest borough.

Yep. Although NATIVE Brooklynites will shout "BROOKLYYYYYN!!!!"

Anywhere, anytime.

Heh, especially when LilBro would do it, I used to be horrified, now I go "Uh-huh, yep, thas right".
--------
Heard on the radio the other night, the Ron and Fez show..

A catholic priest, going over a theological and legal point (ie: Why priests WONT squeal on an admitted murderer or rapist in confessionals).

This priest, Father Frank, you can tell is an Italian FROM Brooklyn, and is IN Brooklyn.

He ends the phone call with:

"God bless youse."

Heh. I found that fuckin hilarious.

I rarely heard 'youse' the first coupla years Ive been in New York.. but now...

I swear, I the farther I get away from Manhattan, the more I hear 'youse'.

It's endearing almost.
-----

When I got my first private phone, I bought a standalone answering machine for it.
That is the last one Ive ever bought, as looking expectantly for that blinking red light indicating messages left got very ooold.

Now, my mailbox is my answering machine.

Especially when youre WAITING for mail. Particularly the ones that say "YOUVE GOT WORK!"

At least the ones that come in from friends help. :-)

At least THEY leave messages.
---------
As fred put it..

Sorry I haven't been updating lately. Like someone told me, "Its just too depressing to read your journal right now" Yeah, well, its just too depressing to write my journal right now. These are the good things that have happened over the past few weeks. So, just check in every few weeks. I'll write something and you can choose to read it or not depending on the stability of your emotional well-being =: ).

Way to put it, my sprite-muse. :-)

Why do I mention this? Oh, I had a mild mental snitfit when someone praised how some journallers could be funnyandhilarious instead of all down in the middle of badshit. (*train o' thought*Oooh, I like this joining of words style.. anyhoo)

Sheeyit. Doesnt she know 24/7 brightnessandhilarity in the face of life is a warning sign of insanity?
S'true.
Psychiatrists often tell their patients "If you start feeling happy ALL the time, come see me".

I shit you not.

Plus, Im too GOTTDAMNED old and too GOTTDAMNED broke to be feelin' like $#^#@%$ sunshine all the time.

Now, where were we? Oh yeah... "Havent heard a GOTTDAMNED word from any of the work Ive applied for lately. Sheeyit. Ok, maybe the post office. You can always find work at the Post Office..

Heh. Cranky makes ME feel better.
----------
Now. One of fred's passions is SUSHI. Big ol' time. :-) (Not a Texas style exaggeration..)

Me.. I gotta say.. Like wine.. I still dont get it.

Its all seaweed and rice and marinated fish to me. :-/

Small ones at that. I gotta go to Burger King afterward to feel full.

But fred loves sushi to death.

Mebbe its because I havent lived in California, that I dont have the appreciation/knowledge/exposure....

A conversation today between me and her:

> >> I know who my real friends are... the ones who let
> >> me steal the end
> >> pieces off the godzilla roll!

> >Godzilla roll? (*crickets of ignance in the background*) Wassat?

> >> and john bought me the rose roll which was out of my
> >> budget. = :)

> >Cooool. Ummm... whats a rose roll?

--- fredlet wrote back:
> well, these are specialty rolls only found in walnut creek, ca.
> most sushi places do their own sort of rolls.
>
> godzilla roll:
> rice and seaweed around a halibut ( I dunno, they won't say what's in
> it) center. Dipped in tempura batter, flash fried (so as not to cook
> the fish inside and make it fishy) and then topped with vietnamese
> ketchup (the hot sauce with the rooster on it with the green lid) and

> unagi sauce.
> yum.
>
> rose roll: (..the best thing on the planet)
> tempura shrip surrounded by rice and seaweed wrap,
> topped with avocado slices, ahi tuna, baja sauce (viet. ketchup
> and soy mayo) flying fish eggs and unagi sauce...
> I'm drooling thinking about it.
> Overall this one has a sweet taste to it... you'd like it actually.

FLYINGFISH EGGS????

Mebbe B was right. Mebbe its the food that is the difference between California and the East Coast.

It sure aint just the water.
---------